Basic story - wife had an affair with someone where she worked while I was deployed to Afghanistan (2 years ago). After I returned she asked for a divorce (4 hours after I'd stepped off the plane brining me home).
We continiued to live together even after I told her I did not want a divorce because I did not understand why she was asking. After many painful months I confronted her with the facts I had gathered about her affair with a married man and father of a 13 yr. old. She admitted it and sent the no contact letter. She also agreed to work on the marriage. She would not go to counseling, but I did.
Things got a little better over time. She would not go to a counselor because she claims she was seeing a counselor while I was deployed a he told her that based on what she was telling him, she should get divorced. She has little confidence in counselors these days.
Long story short - we have no debt and have a good bit in savings and investments (don't argue much about money), we have never had an abusive relationship, Both have good careers, have no kids (have tried for years but no luck) this has been devastating to my wife who says now she doesn't want kids anymore, there is nothing we do not talk about since the affair. Her job as a pharm sales rep (used to be a teacher prior to the A) keeps her traveling a good deal, my job in the military keeps me traveling these days.
She says she wants someone ( acompanion) who can be there more than me. We had a plan to see each other every month, but after 3 months that isn't good enough.
We have been married 14 years and in a relationship 18 years. She wants a companion. Right now I am off at a remote site in the US training units for Iraq and she is at our home on the east coast. We talk on the phone every couple of days and see each other one 4 day weekend a month. Told me this weekend she wants to separate because she wants a companion and one of the doctors she calls on has expressed interest in her and wanting to go out with her (she was told about the doctors interest thru another sales rep). She now wants to be able to go out with him because " someone thinks she is interesting and wants to be with her". The day I left to return to my umit, she went out with the doctor on a date - didn't tell me. I found out by listening to her voice mails. He left the sweeetest messages.
Says she loves me, but wants more excitement. She is basically looking for the same feeling she had when she was in the affair (the newness).
I don't know who my wife of 14 years is anymore. I give up. At 35 years old she is acting like a teenager.
She is serious about separation and has mailed me bills, etc. to start paying on my own using my own bank account (which was initially to be in place so we were not writing checks on the same account to pay for living expeneses during this 1-year long apart).
My concern with separation is that she will see that as a LB or permission to "cake eat". Just dunno. Looking for opinions or any other options. Just think it's too hard to Plan A from a distance when we are already "geographicly separated".
