Ok, gone totally dark because I don't have any more to give WH. I am completely drained and at the end of my rope. I need to refuel and recharge and I just can't do it while dealing with his crap too.

I got the biggest boatload of garbage last night from WH:

• I need to get grounded and find myself again. I can't do that and stay married.
• After we get divorced, next year we can start to date each other and see how it goes
• I won't be dating anyone over the next 4 months, I'll just be meditating

All this after I find out he's subscribed to Yahoo personals and while he did not put his own ad out there as visible, he is answering women's ads. He confessed after I confronted him and then I got the next load of crap: "I'm only looking for friends. I'm sorry you don't think I can't have any female friends." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I didn't even try to respond to this, I mean, what was the point. It was such b.s.

So, I did say I had a question didn't I? His mail is still coming to my house. Should I go ahead and fill out a change of address form for him or just keep his mail in a box or what?

Did you write a plan B letter...

ark

Yes, but have I delivered it? No.

I take it you are telling me that I need to.

What is the difference between leaving it like this and delivering a Plan B letter?

gosh...

A plan B letter is an awesome letter of love and hope...
It clearly defines boundaries and defines the author as someone no longer interested in game playing
in being part of a triangle
and living in chaos

it is a letter of ownership ...acknowledging any (IF ANY) role of the BS that facilitated the environment of a marriage to decay prior to the affair..

WHICH IS NOT TO SAY EVER THAT A BS IS THE CAUSE OF AN AFFAIR..

It is a letter full of hope and promise and belief in a person to be honest and trustworthy,,,.some thing that an OP can never ever give a WS is the core value of honesty..for they are hypocrite extroidanairre in their ability to accept dishonest terroristic behavior from a person as long as it is NOT directed towards them...

the foulness of a WS is reflected in the OP right back at them..and all that a WS does not like about their choices...is staring them back in the face

It is a letter with a simple road map back to the light...
back to being a good person

going dark can and is sometimes a necessary survival tatic for a BS beaten down to the point of not being able to carry out a good plan A....but it will and can be viewed only as a knee jerk thrust with counter thrust expected...

plan B letters remove all aspects of game playing
all aspects of wondering who will make the next move in the game...for the game is over..and it is only the WS turn to move...

they choose alone and can never ever accuse the BS of forcing a choice....

a good plan a followed by a good plan b....

ARK

I don't know anymore if the A is even the issue anymore. Maybe I'm starting to buy into WH's babble, but he keeps telling me that the issue is he feels like he's living a lie. That he never loved me like a husband should.
what do you mean by this? I'm pretty sure the initial A is done but it's obvious he's moved on to finding new women. The reason I need to go to Plan B is for ME. It's so I can start to cope. I am missing work again and last night I actually had the thought, "is this what it's like to have a breakdown?" I can't do this, I have too much to lose that I've worked too hard to gain to just flip, out as nice it may sound at times.

I'll read up today on Plan B letters, but I'm not sure what to say. I've got the book SAA at home and I'll look at that too. Honestly, all I know at this point is that I don't want what I've been getting and that I need peace.

Will you guys help me with my Plan B letter if I post my draft?

I'm saying if you just go dark and just disappear then it just becomes a game...

I also said it when people get pissed about something a WS does and immediately go dark or even Plan B...that is a reaction from something...

Plan B is most effective when things are relatively calm and good....

the fact he believes you will just wait for him..while he finds himself.....is good for you..

play in to that for a week or so..
let him think this is a safe plan for him..

then SLAM him with Plan B

Ok ark, time for the down and dirty questions. I really need help here and I mean from you experts.


Ok, very good point. But after last night's blow out, I don't even know how to "come out of the darkness" and get to a relatively calm point.
I don't think he cares if I wait for him. He wants a divorce and then lets date. How do I respond to that and still express my willingness to wait while he finds himself?

you are not going to express any willingness..

you are not going to condone any of that nonsense...but you are not going to powerstruggle it...

you let it pass for a day or two..take a well needed rest..

when do you think he will contact you again..
be upbeat..
end the phone call first
no relationship talk..
does he come to house...

wanting time and wanting to date...is someone who is not saying get out of my life at all.....

charm him...even if from afar

ARK

I do have something he's going to need for his work fairly soon, so he'll have to contact me for that.

I guess it feels like such a big blowout because *I* felt that I'd had enough whereas before I have always felt that this too shall pass.

Ok ARK, a couple of days, in the meantime, read up on Plan B letters and make sure I'm satisfied with mine, right?

OH, what do I do when I have to see him to give him that item? Just act like nothing happened yesterday? He's going to want to come to the house.

big waves post with tips on how to intrigue a WS

heres tips I just gave big wave on what to do when his wife comes over...
flip the sexes...

aRK

Thank you ARK.

I just received this in an email, what do you guys make of it?

*bump* sorry all feeling super anxious

bump? can anyone offer their view of what I should make of this email? Should I consider it more fog? Is this the real deal? I'm feeling so needy and desperate tonight, I hate it.

All I can think about right now is all the things I won't get to experience again...like watching him shave...or rubbing his hairy chest at night before we go to sleep (what I always called my "fuzz therapy")...or getting to see him with his children...

What did the auto accident do, kill his conscience?

Babble pure babble. Inside of the babble is some truth. Find it and respond only to those points.

ex: I felt like a liar every time I said I loved you.

Most of the rest is babble.

My response w/b:

WS,
I received your e-mail and well, like the past few times I have heard from you, it has been at the very least, quite confusing. Wish you would stop babbling so.

Btw, don't keep lying to me anymore. I don't need a liar to love me.

See ya,
BS

L.