Hello everyone. Well today was the big day. I had a meeting this morning with my attorney to start D proceedings but I just couldn't go through with it. I just couldn't find the courage within myself to end my M yet. My lawyer told me that I could always change my mind down the road but still could not do it. But good news-I did talk to the state today and next week they are going to open up the child support case against WH. That ought to make him mad. Well at least I'll start getting child support which will help me out tremendously. The only thing is w/o filing for a D or Legal Separation, I get no spousal support. Why could I start the process for the D today (I got so emotional with the thought of ending my M)? Did anyone else ever experience this before?

When you are not ready emotionally you should not forced your self to do it. It seems like you still have love units in the LB$ and also you still have hope.

How is your plan B ? w/o spousal support, what is your plan ?

-rh-

What a terrible mess! I read your old posts about what your H is up to. I can't identify with him at all. Leaving his 5 kids?

Sounds like a dirtbag to me. You've put up with enough crap from this yo-yo. Take him for all that you can and get rid of him before your daughters get old enough to think he's a male role model.

I am so sorry for you. Hope it gets better.

Thanks Redhat,
My Plan B is going well have not talk to him since I implemented it. I believe that he is punishing me for it now b/c usually every payday he would put money into my account but he has not even made a deposit for me since then and has not payed to have the phone cut back on. I don't understand how he can live with himself not knowing how his kids and I are getting by or how we are eating. I don't know what to do right now about spousal support even though CS will be enough to pay the bills and put food on the table. But I don't want him to spend the money (that he would pay me in SS) on OW, either. BTW, I don't even know if he is still seeing her. I am just at a crossroad and need to figure out which way to go and what to do next.

you did the right thing Lash...if your hearts not in it then I agree you should not force yourself to. If and when the time comes you will feel it. And it may not ever come to that for you. Trust your instinct I always say.(I just don't always do it...lol). Stick with your plan for now. I have read it many times here. Plan B doesn't mean giving up exactally the opposite, it allows you to preserve the love that you have left for future use when WS comes around, adn it takes the biggest source of drama out of your daily life allowing you to heal.

I am certainly not an expert here but I have read this all adn been given some of this advice. You're doing great and we are here for you. God Bless Lash adn (((HUGS))).

SC

Hey Mflake,

I understand how you feel, I want to feel the same way and I wish it was that easy. Thanks for your support.

Ah jeez...a guy cheats on his wife with five kids repeatedly, screws chicks with an infant at home, and leaves her to wonder where the money is going to come from?

He's a bum! No "man" would ever do that to their kids. So here he is, screwing some young chicks and running around town without bothering to check on his kids?

Why do you tolerate this? File the divorce. If that doesn't wake him up then good riddance. Quit being a doormat, you deserve better.

Sorry, I have no patience for a man who abandons his kids. At all.

Thanks SC,

I hope that this is the right thing sometimes I just feel like getting the D and taking everything away from him, I guess to punish him and make him hurt like he is hurting me.
Thanks for your prayers and support, w/o this forum and you wonderful people, and of course God, I don't know what I would do. God bless you all.

L

I guess all I can say is don't let your anger and resentment get the best of you or cause you to do something you might regret. (I struggle with this sometimes also)

SC

yeap, take your time. This is one of the significant event in your life, you want to make sure. Plan B is good to keep you safe from 'coaster.

In the R department, let plan B take its course. Your LU$ would be drained eventually.

Focus your energy into financial matter. Look for job/promoion/vocational traning/school etc.

-rh-

lashell825: DD(9),DD(8),DD(6),DS(5),DS(7months)

I am so sorry for this, but my God, fog or no fog, a man who can do that to his wife with children this small would be a man I would leave for dead on an operating table....AND I MEAN THAT !!! F-ing absolutely despicably disgusting.

Hello Lemonman,

You are right, I was just sitting here saying "And why do I want this man who would do this to me and especially the kids". His behavior is absolutely disgusting, he has never acted in such a way, I just don't get it. He still hasn't made that deposit into my account today. I bet he is probably out spending it up with his friends or OW. I know that I need to just "suck it up" and go file for that D. Right now I just want to go to his apartment and wring his scrawny neck.

Well, I do not have the answers to why this happened to you and your children. There is a strong contingent that will have you believe that this was not really your WH's doing, but more the "addiction" he has to the OW that "led him" to do this....JUST LIKE A CRACK ADDICT THAT NEEDS A HIT...or his addictions to the affair releasing endorphine "high" he gets from having the affair, or my favorite, that an "alien" did it and that it "was not really him".......maybe this was just an abberation of character....a "one time thing"...that you may have contributed to (NOT the affair, but the circumstances that led to the affair).....all certainly food for thought.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well, in reality, I do not know which one it is.........you can hopefully find solace in reading the stories here. If you spend the time to do a search here, you will find stories of women here who have more or less been in your EXACT situation. Using the Plan A of meeting their WS's Emotional Needs and the other things you read here, the BS's (see anything that Ark ever writes, it is always about PLan A), or PLan B (see posts by Mortarman) were INDEED able to win back their WS's and "recover" their marriages. There are many WS's here who have done things (IMO ofcourse) as equally or more despicable than yours has, and marriages have been recovered AFTER that fact.

Now, please do not think that I AM SUGGESTING you do this or that or any plan (I fully admit to being UNQUALIFIED to render that kind of advice) , just that there are proven tools that are available for your use should YOU CHOOSE. If YOU don't want a divorce NOW, please do NOT get one NOW. IMO, this is a final nail in the coffin of a marriage and should not be threatened if you are not fully ready and WILLING to go through with it.

If there was one thing I would tell you it would be to get child support FILED NOW...........and I MEAN NOW. Marriage bulding or recovery or Love Buster's have nothing to do with this...this is a RIGHT owed to your children.

May God bless you and your little ones on this. I wish there was more I could do to help you.

Lemon

Hello everyone, I’m back after over a month of being thru ****** and back (at least that’s what it has felt like). Just a quick update, found out that WH has IMHO a SA (I found out that he has been sleeping with a lot of women-YUCK). Well I called them all (4 of them so far) and told them that he was married with 5 children, hung up not waiting for a reply from them-did not want one. WH called to leave me a message asking why did I do that, he thought that I was going to leave him alone and let him live his life. I replied breaking Plan B again and told him that he could not have it both ways. If he wanted to sleep around, then he could not remain married to me. Well he replied that he had filed a RO against me which the court date was the 26th of Oct. but he will drop it if I left him alone and stop calling the women on his cell phone bill and telling them he is married w/children. I told him that I will not do that until he filed for a D or come back to work on the M. As far as the RO, bring it on. I told him that he is the one that is threatening me. Oh forgot to mention that the state has finally opened up the child support case against him so he is pi**ed off about that. But anyhow I told him that I will tell the judge that I am the one who should have a RO against him b/c he is upset about the CS case against him and I fear that he is going to try to get back at me. I told WH, whose side does he think the judge would take. He also told me that he was meeting with his attorney on this pass Friday Oct. 14 to file for D (yeah I will believe it when I see it) I know it is just a ploy to get me to back off b/c he has everything to lose and nothing to gain by it-my attorney says. He asked me for my attorney’s name and number (which I did not give him) and a copy of last year’s tax return (which I did not give him either.) He then said that hopefully we, my attorney and I, would agree with the settlement. Then he turns around and says that he would get the papers to me. Which one is it WH-you or your so called attorney? I told him not to call me and bother me anymore that the attorney would do that for him and that the D is what I want as far as closure, alimony, house, full custody of the kids, and to move on with my life. As far as the kids are concerned when he files for the D, he would have to submit a full parenting plan with it so it would state when he is to see the kids and by which method so we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I have went back to Plan B and will not come out of the dark this time.

Hello MB Forum. I need your help.
I am meeting with a new attorney on Fri. for a consultation. Since this is costing me, I am putting together a list of questions to get the most out of my time and money. If anyone has any good questions(from personal experience) that I could include, I would very much appreciate your help.
L

What is the purpose of your consultation? Are you starting a divorce proceeding?

FIM

Yes, I am. Talked to the State of MO today, the child support case against my WH is opened but can take up to 4 months for me to get anything (and they cannot even get me back support). Well I cannot wait that long. I am going to file for D to get an emergency hearing for temporary Child support and Spousal support which will be within a week or two after I file and he is served. So I need to bite the bullet and protect the finances for the kids and I.

^BUMP^ for help!