I have been using the tips and techniques from this site. I feel they are working somewhat. My FWW who had an EA with an OM has told me that she just does not "feel it" any more. We are still together, we have four children. She feels she would be better off on her own with the children. I asked her to give us one year. If things are not better at least we can say we truly tried to save our marriage. Sometimes I get the feeling that things are getting better. Other times I feel that she is just putting in time. I am trying my best to fill the Love Bank and to not LB our relationship. We are just over one month into this. I know I should be more patient but it is just so hard.

What more can I do? or What should I do differently? Or am I just beating a dead horse?

Be patient, be good. My wife faked recovery for over a month, then told me all her dirty little secrets (I hope!).
If she leaves, she's right back with the OM, with whom she still thinks she's "in love."

You've got to be a super husband: super attentive, super helpful (cleaning, kids), super studly (get out and exercise). Make yourself irresistable and become TOTALLY SELFLESS. Go scream somewhere occasionally if you have to, but never in front of kids or her.

Make sure she understands that if she leaves, it's without the kids. They DO NOT get to take your family away from you.

By the way, my wife swore EA for 5 weeks, then admitted to PA. Don't be surprised if that happens to you too. Fight the urge to freak out if this happens. Again...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FREAK OUT OR LOSE CONTROL. IF YOU NEED TO BE TOUGH YOU MUST DO SO IN A CALM, MATTER OF FACT MANNER. IF YOU FAIL THIS YOU WILL DAMAGE THE RELATIONSHIP FURTHER.

Good luck.

First, I would definitely make sure there is no PA along with the EA.

Second, how about MC? Or a marriage retreat?

"Love banks" and avoiding love busting is great, but what are you doing to get to know her better? What are you and her doing to improve your connection? What is her main beef with you and the M?

Hi, colinm

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She feels she would be better off on her own with the children.
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I would dispel her of the notion of her getting the children right off the bat. Document what she is doing and with whom. Get the info to your attorney.

You protect the children, their mother is not thinking in their best interest right now.

Protect your kids!

Gimble

I'm not an expert, in fact I'm quite far from it, but it sounds to me like NC has not been established.

I'm positive there is no PA.

I'm trying to improve our conection by just talking about nothing, especially not about my work (boring, big LB). Sometimes she does not want to talk about us much less talk.

I tell her I love her and sometimes she says she loves me too. We are affectionate but I don't want to push for SF but we did have had sex once in the last week.

Thank you everyone for your input. This is very helpful.

If you had SF last week and you are sure there is NC and no PA, then things are progressing about as well as you can expect.

Basically, she made a decision that "this M can't work". So, you are now proving to her that you and her can have a fulfilling relationship. She is going to think that some of the stuff you do is temporary and isn't a real, lasting change.

Also: She finally got your attention by telling you that she was leaving. If she tells you, "Everything is great now," how does she know that you are truly going to make changes in the M? She doesn't trust you or herself.

A M is a work in progress--there is never a time where you and she don't have to work on it. Generally, what you are doing now is what you *always* have to do. You always have to be reaching out to each other.

If this wasn't a PA, then this can be fixed. Get her to commit to having a rich and fulfilling M. Go on a marriage retreat--go somewhere without the kids, spend as much time with her alone as you can (which, by the way, is what you should do anyway).

Babysitters are expensive, but they are nothing when compared to the cost of a divorce.