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I find it interesting that the people that want to save their marriage are the ones that consistently post here. But I guess it stands to reason that the w/s's that are busy with their affairs don't have the desire or need to reach for help.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Posts: 396
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The one's posting here usually have a common goal... to get as much help as possible with their marriage. Many WS who do not come on here either don't care, think this whole thing is a farce, or simply are too ashamed of themselves and would feel too exposed.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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It is the BS who has to do the hard work to save the marriage, in spite of how unfair it seems.
WS's are so fogged out, rational thought is not in their reach. Their thoughts are consumed with keeping their spouse in one "compartment" and the lover in another. The only urgency in their lives is getting their needs filled, with complete disregard for the opinions and feelings of EVERYONE else in their lives, except their affair partner.
Temporary insanity in it's finest form!
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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I will agree with you that it is the spouse that wants to save the M that usually posts here (although my H has made 3 posts). But someetimes it can be the WS that wants to save the M. That is how it is in my case.
Yes, for a while, I didn't do much to try and save things, and that was why my H left, but I am trying now to save things.
Me, the WS, 25
My H, the BS, 25
Married Sept 2003
Served with D papers Aug 2005, but still hoping to make it work
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou
Proud of the woman that I have become, not the events that made me become that woman.
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... because it's called
marriage builders
not
marriage looters
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ws here, and I post... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
FWS (me) - 39
BH - 40
DS - 7, DD - 4
Married 08/10/91
EA/PA '04-'05, D-Day 7/16/05
In IC/MC and working towards recovery
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have to agree with cinny here.....it's not always the BS who wants to save the M more....sometimes it is the WS who wants to save the marriage. and sometimes it IS the BS.
But I will DEFINITELY agree that it's usually the person who wants to save the M the most who posts on here. Because someone's got to take the initiative!
I started posting here just as I ended my A. And I continued posting here long after my exH gave up on this site. Oddly enough, I ended up also being a BS in the end. Life can be ironic like that, I suppose.
Me: WS/BS
Him: BS/WS
D-day 1: 07/08/03 my 4mo EA/PA
D-day 2: 09/12/04 his exit EA
D final 05/12/2005
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I've been posting here since Feb 04 and I'm the FWW. My H finds internet message boards totally weird and can't understand why anyone would post to them. We were both as determined as each other to save our marriage. BTW L.I.T I still have your . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Jen
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WS or BS. It is the one trying to save the marriage that posts here. Obviously, the one not trying to save the marriage thinks that it is futile to seek out help because it isn't wanted. Usually it is the BS trying to save the marriage because the WS has already committed to another person, hence WS.
My WW thinks this site is mind manipulation. Mainly because of the psychological aspect of plan B.
Either way, it does help.
I have come to see the side of WS that I have never thought of before and we can all learn from each other. I appreciate the input of many WS here. I wish my WW was more like the ones I've talked to here.
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My goodness! I had almost given up! ((((((((((.))))))))))) I hope he's being good for you, Kiwi <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for watching after him!
Me: WS/BS
Him: BS/WS
D-day 1: 07/08/03 my 4mo EA/PA
D-day 2: 09/12/04 his exit EA
D final 05/12/2005
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