My husband has lied to me from day one-on BIG and small issues. We have been married for almost 9 years, and have been in marriage counseling off and on for most of that time! I just don't know how much more pain I can take. We are finally talking to a Godly man that has disceernmant and can see right through my H lies. Nonetheless, my H is still lieing! He swears and promises that he has never cheated on me physically. He has admitted to having emotional affairs- just sex "in his mind". But, I know deep down he has gone much farther. All the signs of an affair have been there AND he can't account for a weekend last year out of town. He has told so many lies trying to make that weekend seem like nothing! The biggest blow came 3 weeks ago when I found out he gave me herpes! He again swears that he had it before we even got married- BUT, I just started showing any signs of it a year ago. We have three children and during each pregancy my gyno did a herpes antibodies test and it always came back neg. Our baby is 2 yrs. old. He can't even keep his story straight on when and how he got it! I am struggling with the right thing do as a christian. I don't think being a doormat to this kind of abuse is right. But, I worry about my kids... I know that marriages can survive an A, but you have to have honesty and trust. AND he is not showing honesty and he hasn't shown any repentance. Well, he does I think feel sorry for himself. Would I be wrong in telling him to get out until he decides he wants to be HONEST? He was married before and cheated on his first wife many times AND never admitted it. She told him to leave until he wanted to get real and he ended moving in with someone ASAP. His son from his first marriage abused our daughter and was never punished for it. To make matters worse his parents and ex have given me so much grief over it- like I am the one to blame. They believe that I shouldn't have called CPS and the police. The police found him guilty of aggrevated sexual assault, but the county attorney never filed charges. All the while this has been killing me and my H would say he didn't understand why. Well, come to find out my H and his Dad were able to talk the Cnty. Att. out of filing charges. He is an old family friend. And he has been the one telling his family that I am the one that wanted his son punished and what an awful person I was! No wonder they have treated me the way they have! UHHHHHHH!!!! He betrayed me and our daughter! I just can't take it anymore! I sound like a reject from the Jerry Springer show!

Mom

What would you do if you weren't afraid ?

There are probably alot I would do if I had no fear. I am so confused and afraid! On the outside my H appears to have it all together- he is involved in our community, and goes to church. He has even been reading all my marriage books. But it seems he is reading them to find things to say-trying to find reasons for why I am responsible for what he has done. He has told me everything from I am responsible for him lieing and looking at porn because of the way I have treated him! The night I met him he talked about how he had cheated on his first wife and that he had become a christian and begged her forgiveness. In reality he NEVER admitted to cheating on her nor asked for forgiveness. I found all of this out two years after we were married. There has been NO CHANGE! He is still lieing. I told him I knew he was lieing to me and he admitted that he was- THEN three days later said that he was lieing about lieing! UHHHH!!!! I have asked him to leave until he could decide he wanted to be TOTALLY HONEST. He said he wouldn't leave until I filed for divorce. He doesn't even sleep in our bed. He is mad now because I said no sex until I knew what was going on. He has already given me a STD. I can't risk my health for his needs. If I had no fear I would file for divorce.

[If I had no fear I would file for divorce.]

Then you should do it! Why continue to endanger your own health and sanity with a man who seems unredeemable?

Is filing for divorce the right thing to do in God's eyes? I want a better life. I am sick and tired of all the mind games and LIES! I think I deserve better. Is that right to even think that? What would divorce do to my kids? I worry more about them. I know that I would be a better Mom if I wasn't so emotionally and physically drained from all of H psycho babble.

mom, if you have been on and off in marriage counseling for years, maybe you don't have the right counselor. Have any of your conselor's suggested that his porn addiction is a lost cause?
If my husband was into porn, and his son, molested my daughter, those two glaring red signs would make me run as fast as I could to the divorce lawyer. I would be so afraid that my husband would turn to my little daughter for his sickness. Then her life would be ruined.