I just found out that my husband of 12 years has been having an affair with a close co-worker who is also a friend of my family. She's been a guest at my house several times over the course of the affair (1 year) GROSS!!! We have two children, ages 7 and 9. I gave up my carreer 9 years ago to become a full time mom. I have not been meeting my husbands sexual needs for several years for several reasons - physical and emotional. He drinks way too much and I'm sure this has a lot to do with our mutual inabilities to meet each others' needs. I told him that in order to save our family, he must get treatment for his alcohol problem, go into counseling with me, and end all contact with the OW (which will be difficult as she's a partner in his business). He thinks he should quit drinking, but he thinks we owe it to our children to stay together in our somewhat functional relationship. I would do anything to save our family (though I despise him right now) but I'm not sure if it's really best for the kids if the marriage continues, even with civility between partners. Please let me know what you guys think.

I don't have any experience with the alcohol issue, but my H's leaving has destroyed our kids. They have become cynical, pessimistic, untrusting, sad, and terrified of abandonment. There is no better gift you could give your children than to show them that their parents can work through their problems and have a stronger marriage.<BR>

I can feel for you - Sorry for all you are going thru!<P>I have no experience for the alcohol abuse, but the OW of my H was a friend too. <P>All I can say is that if possible for both parents to be mutually happy - then fix the problem, but the drinking has to go. I am sure that can be more destructive than him not being there everyday!<P><P>------------------<BR>H