MY WIFE CHEATED ON ME WITH A WOMAN. SHE SAYS SHE DON'T WANT ME TO LEAVE AND I'VE GIVEN HER SPACE BUT SHE STILL TALKS TO THIS PERSON AS A FRIEND BEHIND MY BACK. THE OTHER WOMAN IS IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP ALSO BUT DIDN'T GET CAUGHT. WE HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD SON AND DON'T WANT TO RUIN ARE RELATIONSHIP ANY MORE. SHE CLAIMS SHES BEEN LONELY FOR A LONG TIME AND THAT IT WAS ONLY A KISS, I DO BELIEVE HER. SINCE I CAUGHT HER SHE HAS PROMISED SEVERAL TIMES TO STOP BUT STILL HASN'T. WE ARE NOW CONSIDERING A COUNSELOR. HER TRYING AND MY TRYING ARE 2 DIFFERANT THINGS. I AM TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING THAT SHE TOLD ME THAT I DIDN'T DO BEFORE BUT THAT IT IS TOO WIERD ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS BIG CHANGE IN ME. BUT I HAD TOLD HER THAT THIS IS WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG BUT DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS HER STYLE. SHE ALWAYS SAID SHE THAT WASN'T NECESSARY AND THAT'S HOW SHE WAS. WE HAVE NO PROBLEM IN BED USUALLY, BUT I ALWAYS INITIATE IT. SHE LOVES TO GO OUT TO NICE DINNERS AND THINGS BUT NEVER WITH ME ONLY HER FRIENDS. WHAT THE ****** CAN I DO??? I LOVE HER DEEPLY AND O KNOW SHE DOES TOO. HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

First of all, welcome. I'm sorry you're going through this. I had an A with a woman (I'm a woman also). Both she and I were married, with children. We both had never been attracted to women, so it was a first for both of us. It was just something that just progressed from a close friendship at a bad time.

So, your wife just kissed with this other woman? Did she say if it got more physical than that? How long has it been going on? Does she want to stop it and make your marriage her priority?? When you're dealing with the whole sexuality aspect of a lesbian or gay affair (when you're in a hetero marriage), it puts a different spin on it. It's much more difficult, IMO, to sort through the affair aspect and the sexuality aspect. Your wife has to decide what she wants to do--if she wants to remain in a hetero marriage.

Talk to your wife and get more information, and then see if she'd be willing to speak to a marriage counselor with you. You're married for a while, and you have a child, and you sound like you still love her. I hope it works out for both of you.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAYBE YOU CAN EMAIL IF YOU WOULD. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAT I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND. SHE MET THIS PERSON ON A WEBSITE WHICH IS TOTALLY OUT OF HER CHARACTER.PLEASE HELP, JUST TALK WOULD SOOTHE THIS. I CAN'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS. ANYWAY I AM 36 YEARS OLD AND I'M BEGINNING TO FEEL LIKE I'M 16 AGAIM. NOT GOOD AT ALL. I OWN MY OWN BUSINESS WHICH IS BEING RUINED BECAUSE I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Weezell1:

You can ask any questions or talk about it here. They're hesitant to exchange email addys here. Could you go back to my original post and answer some of those questions? Then I could help you more.

I met my OW on a website too (innocently enough!). It's very easy to become friends online!

Try to go back and answer my questions, and then we could take it from there, okay? You need to talk to your wife and see where she stands, and see if she wants to work on the marriage. Hopefully she does. I'd immediately look for a counselor to help you both through this rough period.

CC

P.S. Typing in all caps is considered SHOUTING online! LOL!

I'm sorry' I'm pretty new at this and don't know the lingo yet(e.g. IMO). Anyway she says she wants counseling but is hesitant to go. I was never a jealous person but now I'm like a nut with looking at her phone calls and websites she visits. She still talks to the woman almost everyday and if I say something about it she tells me that this is crazy, her being spied on. I secretly go on the website she met her at ( it is a website for the OW cousin and his girlfriend who have been missing for some time)and look what they post. There are 4 women who became friends, 2 straight who don't know about what my wife and the other women did. They talk constantly and plan little nights out. She has gone out once with one of the women and her daughter for a drink but didn't tell me, the OW wasn't there that time. Then she lied and told me she was going with her sister and went to the OW house when it happened. I was home with my son and she didn't come home till 6 in the morning. I never held her back from going out with anyone, I know all of her friends and love them dearly, but she said she felt she couldn't tell me about these friends because I wouldn't have understood.

She didn't come home until 6 in the morning? How do you think she would be acting if the roles were reversed? This is total disrespect toward you and your marriage. She still is in contact with this person everyday after what has happened? Again do you honestly think your wife would be so accepting if the roles were reversed? The way you describe things I seriously doubt that there was only kissing. It simply does not add up. If she refuses No Contact then the message is pretty clear: the OW is a higher priority to her than you. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. It really sounds like she is playing you. Again I doubt you are getting the whole truth. Until your wife realizes you are serious, she will continue to get more involved with this OW and her friends. Enough is enough!

I agree with Bryanp. I think that your wife is trying to see where she stands with this OW. This is probably a very confusing time for her, but she's definitely testing the waters. It's imperative that you tell her how you feel RIGHT NOW, and see if she thinks this is worth risking her marriage for. Good luck!!!