Been divorced officially since December and have just started to date again and I have to say that the one thing I look out for is when someone's actions don't match their words. I know that should be obvious for everybody but I've been dating this girl for alittle over a month and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't comfortable around her until last night. She has this pattern of saying something like, I'll call you tonight and then doesn't. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not the clingy type and had she said, I'll try to give you a call or I'll talk to you soon, that would have been fine but her exact words were, I'll call you tonight and then she didn't. This isn't the only example of this kind of inaction on her part so I basically told her that I don't like that.

It reminds me of how my wife used to complain about her family constantly behind their backs and then she would brown nose them at family functions and never mention how they made her upset or even try to change their behaviors. To me, that made me lose all kinds of credibility in her and respect. And I have to say that that was a big part of why we grew apart.

It's a simple rule, Say what you mean and follow through on it otherwise what you say doesn't mean anything! Just my two cents and I hope this helps somebody else whose looking for the right person.

Say what you mean & do what you say. Exactly!

If only. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You are a wise man! That is by far the best filter to use in dating.

yep. agree...dr. phil says that you have to match someone's actions to their words...to determine if they're being honest w/you...or with themselves.

I have to agree on this one as well... if their actions don't match their words, then it's buh-bye!

I'm like you, and for me it's a MASSIVE TRIGGER if someone tells me they'll call, and yet don't. Again, like you, I'm more than fine if they throw in the word "try"... "I'll TRY to call you tonight"... then if they don't , it's no big deal. But when they say they'll do something, and then don't, it's such a major LB.

I think it was DrPhil who suggested that the first time someone is "forgetful" like that, it could be an honest mistake. Even the 2nd time, b/c things happen in life that are out of our control. But if it happens a 3rd time, it's definitely a pattern, and at that point, you have to decide whether or not you want to continue that relationship / friendship.

Everybody put your ha-ands together and give brother Coughlin a big amen!

That's too funny! Thanks for your responses. I love this topic area and I think it's great that we can all share our dating experinces and ideas with eachother.

My experience is that if someone talks bad about someone to me behind their back, I can pretty much bet that they are talking bad about me behind my back.