Hi, I need a lot of advice. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. Those 8 years were no so good. There were many many things done to me over those 8 years that disolved our marriage to nothing. I became very withdrawn He really didn't see that there were any problems in our marriage. I confronted him several months ago about not being happy. I was not having a physical affair but emotionally. I was confronted by a man, he was interested. I became interested back. Since I was withdrawn from my husband that wasn't so hard. I know that an affair is wrong in any way. We have worked tirelessly on our marriage since I confronted him. He knows that I have had thoughts of OM. But for the past 3 months we have been totally focused on us. We have moved to a new town, both have new jobs. Started all over. He is doing great. He has become more christian than ever and dedicated to me. I have days. I know that I am horrible for this. There are days that I still think of OM. That I want to talk to him, see how he is, or anything. My H has told me time and again that this OM did not care about me, it was just sexual. I know he is probably right, even though that hurts me to think that no one could actually care for me. I have prayed, worked, and done everything that I know of to not think of OM. How do I keep myself focused? I know that a man who loves me and is willing to work on a marriage should be enough for me. Please give suggestions.

As you well know, there is no quick fix to forget the OM. The best you and your H can do is to take your personal and marital recoveries one day at a time and not become obsessed with tomorrow. Over time, the OM will not only become a distant memory but one with little emotional impact.

TMCM

1, Prayer, of course.

2. Get an accountability partner (like an older female relative or a girlfriend who wants your M to succeed) ... and you call your partner when you have OM thoughts.

3. Get something new going ... like a new hobby. (dance/exercise/painting/singing/gardening)

4. Call your husband and sweet talk him when you have OM thoughts. "Hey sweet thing, I was thinking about how cute your butt is in your new jeans." (something silly like that)

5. Begin a gratitude journal where every day you write about 5 new things you are grateful for.