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It is really bothering me that my husband keeps comparing
our sex to the great sex he had with the OW(she is 12 years
his younger - I am 3) He believes that if I get better doing
BJs and tighten up during sex he will stick around. I know
that he still is thinking of her because he has said and also know that if she didn't break up with him that he would
be with her instead of me. Life really sucks - doesn't he
know what he is doing to me ??
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Tell him he is nuts. Let him know there are better guys you can compare him with if that is all he thinks life is about. Sex vs making love is as different as night and day. So sex with the OW is just that..... a physical thing without the benefit of any thought. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Let him know evidently he has a lot to learn and certainly didn't learn much from the OW. Feel better now? L.
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lol Orchid. I would also add that adulterous sex is about appealing as 2 pigs rutting in the pig pen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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lol my response would be a lot cruder.
Those kind of demands can go both ways.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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Sheesh - And you still want to have sex with this guy??????
I would tell him that you don't need to "tighten up". He needs a bigger d*ck.
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LOl well then. Believer said it for me.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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Wow Believer you have shocked me now !!!!! But very good response if ya ask me ....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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I would tell him that you don't need to "tighten up". He needs a bigger d*ck. bwahahahahahahahaaaaa!! That was the quote of the week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sheesh - And you still want to have sex with this guy??????
I would tell him that you don't need to "tighten up". He needs a bigger d*ck. OK, Believer. You just reminded me of a joke I heard many years ago. It goes like this... A woman goes to a bar and has a few drinks. Decides to bring the man home for the night. After they had sex, she complained to him, "You certainly have a small organ, buster." And he replied, "Look, lady, nobody told me I'd be playing a cathedral!" So I think your advice of turning his complaint around on him is a great idea. Maybe she could get a microscope and set it up by the bed, and when he asks what it's for she can tell him that she wants to use it the next time he's aroused so she can actually see his miniscule member. Or get some condoms, and call them "condominimums." Or conversely, get the biggest ones she can find, and when they're too big for him, say she doesn't understand how that could possibly happen since the box said size Small so she was sure they would fit, at least loosely. I'm sure the creative minds around here could come up with any number of good punchlines for this guy. Whether it would help the marriage is iffy, but it might make her feel better just to have them running around in her head! t&l
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what is the bigger picture her..
children...
how many..
how old
affair
over with no contact
who ended it
him \
her
your discovery...
how does he know the OW..
is the OW married also
biggest question
is it normal for your husband to be soo blatantly cruel on such a level
and how do you imagine him becoming a different person who could never ever imagine saying such things to his spouse...
or has always been this mean..
ark
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biggest question
is it normal for your husband to be soo blatantly cruel on such a level amen to THAT Arkie !!!! What a loathsome excuse for a human-'bean' your husband is .... I don't think Believer's.... "bigger di*k" comment .... goes far enuff <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I betcha he's >ahem< as quick as a bunny in bed too ! He's all about HIS orgasm and leaves his Mrs UNsatisfied ... coz apparently, he's one selfish lout with no manners or knowledge of how to please a woman. If he'd said that to me ... he'd better be wearing his running shoes to bed !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I'd use his toothbrush to clean the toilet ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
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OP
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Here are some details;
WH is 42
Faithful Wife (me) 39
Kids: 17, 15 and 11
Married 21 years (next week)
OW is 30 and has one kid,not divorced but not living with
spouse for 2 years (spouse lives with a GF)
OW broke up with him after finding out that I learned of
the A
Found out that he met her 6 months ago before the A started
which was in May. Relationship got rocky just a couple of
weeks ago when I overheard a phone conversation and started
to put the puzzle pieces together.
No contract and my WH doesn't know what he wants and neither
do I ....He has told me that he still thinking/caring about
her and he wishes he were Mormon so he could have us both !
He has been reading my postings so - say what you want, I
haven't had much of a reaction from him.
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Chatabout
...to answer your question .... NO this is not normal at all.
He's a mean man.
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OW broke up with him after finding out that I learned of
the A He has been reading my postings so - say what you want, I
haven't had much of a reaction from him.
What a man you are Mister ... so much not to admire how you treat the MOTHER of your children ..... YUK!
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Chat:
I agree with the others that your WH's comments to you are unacceptable, that you need to speak up and demand that he stop disrespecting you in this fashion.
However, I want to share that one of the my FWH's schemes was to try to incite me into anger (I'm good at that) by saying very mean things to me. That way, he could justify his A to himself. You know the deal, the OW is "sweet" to him, etc.
So, IMHO, it is important for you to address his comments and to not allow them but to do so without LBing as is being recommended here...
I don't buy that the OW has broken up with him. If she has, he is probably working on reconciling with her.... She may have broken up with him as a technique to make him crave for her more...
This is me speaking from my experience with my formerly "mean" FWH....
Last edited by mimi1254; 09/11/05 11:06 AM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Ark said this: and how do you imagine him becoming a different person who could never ever imagine saying such things to his spouse...
or has always been this mean.. This is very important. My FWH only became "mean" during his A and was especially "mean" after exposure. It was inconceivable to me that he became this "mean, cruel person who acted as if he HATED me". It was the FOG, a REAL THING. He is now a "sweet" H again. We need to help you address whether this is FOG. IMHO, if this is FOG, his statements ARE NORMAL.... The depths that a WS will go to are ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE... An A is a SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, DEMEANING, HURTFUL SICK, SICK ADDICTION... It takes GUTS to pull through this... YOU WILL NEED TO ACCEPT AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE UNIMAGINABLE... YOUR LIFE VIEWPOINT WILL BE CHANGED FOREVER.... So how was your sex life before discovery of the A?
Last edited by mimi1254; 09/11/05 11:26 AM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I have to agree with everyone here...........your WH is just plain MEAN!!!
It brought up memories of my WH saying things like "Look around and tell me which woman (yes, woman) you would like to f*&@". This he said to me several times while we were in a public place!!!!
At one point I asked him "Do you say things like this to OW?"
WH: "No. But she wouldn't care if I did!"
Well, since he never said that to her, how would he know?!?
Of course OW wouldn't care......she's still trying to be her sweet, wonderful, and all-accomodating self. It's all part of the act!
YOUR WH IS A PIG.
K
AKA UnMoved
Me55
WH 53
Married 34 years
Son 32; Daughter 30
A for 5 years or ? WHO KNOWS???
D-Day May 15, 2004
D finally final Friday, October 13, 2006
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K:
I think we need to help CHAT with developing a PLAN rather than reacting to her H based on our own experiences...
I'm happily recovered.
My FWH acted like hers at times....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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And I also agree with Mimi...... People do tend to become "monster-ish" when they are deep in their A. I've been treated very badly for 4 years now. WH still doesn't see how he has treated me. And everytime we tried to reconcile, the instant he reverted to his "mean" self, I KNEW he was back in contact with OW. It probably is FOG TALK. HE'S STILL A PIG. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
AKA UnMoved
Me55
WH 53
Married 34 years
Son 32; Daughter 30
A for 5 years or ? WHO KNOWS???
D-Day May 15, 2004
D finally final Friday, October 13, 2006
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Oh, yes.......we do need to help her with a plan to make it thru this kind of talk......I'm thinking of Orchid's reverse babble (there should be all kinds of responses to this sort of talk).
But sometimes it's hard not to squeal when faced with a PIG!!!!
AKA UnMoved
Me55
WH 53
Married 34 years
Son 32; Daughter 30
A for 5 years or ? WHO KNOWS???
D-Day May 15, 2004
D finally final Friday, October 13, 2006
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