Well, I just got a call from a friend of mine. WH just called him for 'help'. Supposidly WH blew the engine in his sports car and his blazer is not inspected and won't pass inspection. WH wanted to know if he could borrow friends second car. Answer:NO

He was trying to pry for information about me. WH said that he hadn't talked to me in a month, and if he sees me, I am dead. The guy is a complete jerk. I can't believe him, I really can't.

Friend said that WH claims that he has been looking for work over the past week, and he is either over-qualified or under-qualified for everything, so he is now trying to get unemployment from the Navy. He also claims loosing his job was his emplooyers fault. Friend basically told him if he showed up at his house he would call the police, and to go away.

Friend said WH called from his uncle/grandfathers house which is litterally down the road from my MIL/FIL.

The me that used to act on my feelings wants to get in the car, and snoop around down near his uncle/grandfathers house to see what is going on. The me that doesn't act on every feeling is cleaning house tonight. WH hasn't called me for help, but I think he knows better. OW would say something in the background and cops would show up.

Danielle

Dani,
It is probably best if you don't get ANY info or updates about your WH. It doesn't help anything at all.

Plan B is about giving you peace and letting him deal with the consequences of the choices he has made. The next time someone tries to give you info, just say that you would rather not hear anything or talk about WH.

None of this is new. What would be new would be a complete change of actions from your WH, him taking responsibility for his past actions etc., etc. That is NOT happening. Accept where you are--this is all just more of the same. He is still stuck. Don't let that keep YOU stuck!

I am surely not stuck. I am doing more for myself and my kids then I have since the affair. We are enrolled in swim classes and going to the gym (yep, all 3 of us), I am getting straight A’s in school, and the kids and I always do a weekend activity. I do think about him, but when my thoughts get me in the ‘what if’ ‘I miss him’ stage I try my best to re-focus. My thoughts now mostly revolve around planning for legal cases, and protection. In most Plan B situations getting information about his location and frame of mind would be harmful, but in my situation it is helpful. Not knowing would be harmful. He is dangerous and keeping an eye on him, from a far distance, could save my life. I will NOT engage in any form of communication with him, or rehash the play by play with anyone about him. Knowing what he is generally doing and his general location keeps me on my feet.

The shocking (how does anything shock me anymore) part of the situation is that WH is calling up 'friend' for HELP. YET, he screwed friend over on August 17th, and hasn't talked to him since.

Also VERY helpful is the fact that WH told friend to call him back at his grandfathers OR parents house. Yet, just two weeks ago I voiced my concerns to MIL about leaving the kids there alone because of the possibility that WH would show up. She said she could GARUNTEE that he wouldn't show up there for a long long time. Two weeks long? My worries were validated.

Danielle

YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! Brava, Dani!



Dam straight!

Sometimes I feel 'bad' for doing something. For example, saying that I wouldn't let the kids visit without me. I think 'well they would like going there, and you want to visit with them, maybe it is just me being controlling'

Then something like this happens and I know why I did it...

Danielle

Dani, I am late coming on so I'm not quite up to speed on your situation. Is it true that your husband is dangerous? If you feel he is dangerous, shouldn't your first obligation be to protect yourself and your children legally and by going somewhere he can't find you?
Just curious.

Your quote Dani: "He was trying to pry for information about me. WH said that he hadn't talked to me in a month, and if he sees me, I am dead. The guy is a complete jerk. I can't believe him, I really can't."

To others here helping here and to Dani...this guy is dangerous.

I consider that a death threat Dani.

I would call police and get statement from the friend.

This guy is nearing bottom WITHOUT showing any signs of remorse...again blaming blaming blaming everybody BUT himself for the turn of events in his life.

This time it's the employers' fault he was fired. How is that rationale to work out? I dunno.

I'd stay faaaaaaar away. I'd ask for a patrol car to circle the neighborhood on a frequent basis so their presence might scare the little idiot from approaching your home. I might even consider moving if he tried to contact me. I would also have a security alarm in my home...and mace in my purse...and a cell phone charged at all times with 911 plugged in as a fastkey.

This guy I have preached to you for some time...is very very dangerous.

When my xh got this way...he was dangerous too. He broke into my home and was caught by neighbors and police (but police arrested him at his own business a few days later) and blamed ME for his arrest. He broke in about 30 min before I usually arrived home from work...I was scared to death. I felt an unusual unease the week before it happened...much like you...and God knows what could have happened if my "spidey sense" was not on high alert. Night before he broke in, I remember sleeping w/knife under my pillow...this medical chickie would know what to do with it I can say...

But you gotta stay safe now.

They are desperate...for money...cash...auto...and may do something really stupid. What's left for them? Nothing but jail.

I'd also consider contacting a womens' shelter for assistance should you need to disappear for a while and go underground if he should become more dangerous or you feel the need to do so. We gotta keep your little ones safe.

Ditto.


Ditto, ditto, ditto to everything Justpeachy said. Good ideas, all.

And Dani, I'm working with the same thing you are. Everything arises to get me to question my judgment calls. Everyone here is trying to pretend things are normal, when my gut tells me they are not...well, sometimes even my gut wants me to go along with the others, for company.

Somehow we've got to learn to be strong in ourselves, not be swayed by others who are still mired in wishful thinking and accusation, and carry through a prudent line of action. This is very important, because most people are mediocre. Heroes and saints can do this, and we have to learn to.

You'll also have to learn to do everything Justpeachy says. She's right.

He is dangerous. One moment he is a sweet nice guy, the next he is angry and voilent. He does not know exactly where we live, and until he approaches our home, I feel safe here. I live about an hour from his parents, and where we used to live.

Danielle

Absoloutly nothing is his fault. Heck, our children are "my fault". I do have a motion light on both sides of the house. He has never approached my home, and the moment he does we are gone. Last time he got desperate for money he stole $1300 from my bank account, and now is facing the three felony charges. Your right, his life is falling downhill and it is EVERYONE elses fault.

Danielle

HIya Dani!

Sorry, but not surprised to hear about his threats. Please listen to justpeachy and ask your friend to repeat this to police.

Also, Im trying to make sure I understand- your inlaws and your hubby STILL have no idea where you live, right? And no way to find out?

Im glad you are doing such great things in your life! Im enjoying my new baby - 11 weeks now- and today I wondered how things are going for you.

The LEAST the police could do is take an information report. That way if he does come skulking around it'll already be on file that he made the threat and it will light a little fire under their butts to get to you.

It can't hurt a bit to tell 'em.