Well, my friends, I now am officially in Plan B. I handed WH my Plan B letter in person yesterday.

Me: Prince Charming, you know that your continued contact with OW causes me much pain and suffering. You have been promising me since last summer that you would cut of contact with OW, but still you have not. Your boss has offered to transfer OW to a similar or better position in another bank branch and you have told him that you need time to think about this. If I must further endure this pain and suffering due to your continued contact with OW, I will loose all of my love and respect for you. I want to keep my love for you alive so that should you decide to give our marriage a new chance, that I can hold that option open for you. In order to keep my love for you alive, I must extract myself from this triangle and this suffering. I can not see you, speak with you, or have written contact with you until you no longer work with OW and can provide proof that you have severed all contact completely and forever. Everything else I have to say is in this letter.

WH: You know you've already blown all of our chances by talking to our priest and my boss. I don't understand why you did that. It must be a cultural difference. You must think that is ok to do because you are American.

Me:Yes honey, I agree that for a wife to think that it is not acceptable for her husband to betray her by having a secret intimate relationship with another woman is a cultural thing. But I don't view that so much as just a part of American culture, but a part of Christian and western cuture in general. If you want to have more than one wife you are definitely not living in the right country nor to you belong to the right religion.

I really do hope that your abandoment of the Christian values we once shared is temporary. That is why I will do my best to keep my love for you alive by cutting off contact with you until that happens. Anything else is simply too painful for me. Please respect my wish for no contact until that happens. I miss my husband. I wish you well Goodbye.




Here is the copy of my Plan B letter:


Dear Prince Charming,

I write to you today with sorrow, but also with a sense of peace and hope for my own future.

During the last months I have done my best to show you that I still love you and our marriage can be saved. We have two beautiful children and you have provided us with a lovely home. I enjoy being married to a man that is so successful and respected. I love being a part of your family. We share so many interests and hobbies. You have been a source of joy and inspiration to me.

I regret that we find ourselves in a place that is so anguishing and lonely for both of us. When I look back it makes me sick to my stomach to see how I lived in denial of your affair and reacted with anger and disrespect towards you. I did not realize how my depression, unhappiness, and resentment were only driving you closer to Skunkypoo. I didn’t understand what your needs truly were and how I could meet those needs in order to allow our marriage to flourish. I want to sincerely apologize for any pain I may have caused by not making you feel appreciated or special.

I have been and will continue to work on making changes in the things about myself that have been the cause of unhappiness for you and me in our marriage. I have demonstrated to myself that it’s possible to make changes and that I can make them permanent. I still have much work to do, but with every success I have, my hope for MY future brightens and my confidence in my ability to make positive changes is bolstered. My hope is that I will be able to share this bright new future with you.

As my hope for my future increases, so does my sorrow over how easily you have cast me and our marriage away. I have waited 8 months for you to decide whether or not you will recommit to our marriage. Your excuses for not ending the relationship that is tearing our family apart are extremely painful for me. I find my love for you dying. In order to preserve the love I still have for you, I can have no contact with you in anyway: no visits with you, telephone conversations, email, mail, or even see you. This is not a punishment; this is to protect the love that I still have for you. This space will make it possible for me to wait until you sever contact with Skunkypoo and are ready to work out a plan to recover our marriage that is mutually agreeable or until one of us decides to divorce.

If you must contact me for legal or financial matters, I ask that you do this through our lawyer. I expect our current financial arrangements to remain the same. I will continue to assume care for our children 24x7. You can, of course spend your free time with them as you wish, as long as Skunkypoo is not involved. I also ask that you respect the planning that is necessary for a single mother and get my approval at least 24 hours in advance, not directly and not through the children, but through your sister. In this way I can plan for shopping, meals, homework, etc. When I require a babysitter, I will rely primarily on on your sister. I am sure that she will inform you when she is caring for our children.

Prince Charming, I have the greatest of confidence that we could build a wonderful marriage if we BOTH committed to making it happen. I hope that you will think hard on this and choose this commitment. If you do, I would welcome a discussion with you about it. A prerequisite for such a discussion is that you can provide proof that you have severed all contact with Skunkypoo completely and permanently. Until then, I ask that you respect my wish for no contact with you.

I miss my best friend. I miss my life partner, my husband, the father of my children, my first and only true love. There is no one with whom I would rather spend my life.

Yes honey, I agree that for a wife to think that it is not acceptable for her husband to betray her by having a secret intimate relationship with another woman is a cultural thing. But I don't view that so much as just a part of American culture, but a part of Christian and western cuture in general. If you want to have more than one wife you are definitely not living in the right country nor to you belong to the right religion.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />cheeky little thing ain't ya....

I know you are hurting but you did well..
you have set a precident and boundary that is good...and the only one that is worthy of God's blessings...

Godspeed on your Plan B journey...

ark

Thanks ark!

I just couldn't hold my tongue on that one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
I'm sure it didn't help dissipate his anger over exposure.



The first weekend of Plan B went well. I went on a very long mountainbike ride on Saturday (1200 vertical meters!) In the evening I went to a mass for the 2nd anniversary of the death of a friend's husband. I went out for a glass of wine with her and some extended family afterwards. D10 stayed the night with her father.

I cooked a nice 3 course Sunday lunch for D!=, D17, D17's boyfriend, and MIL. I skipped the traditional Sunday 11 AM Campari at SIL's because WH was there.

School starts for the girls on Wednesday.

At this point, I do not feel real hopeful about ever recovering my marriage. WH is soooo deep in the fog, sooo entitled, sooo spiteful about exposure.

I need to embrace the peace of Plan B. I need to continue working on me and my life. Most of all, I need to stop obsessing about WH.

Great news today. My sister underwent a whipple procedure --- a non-trivial 7 hour OP --- and she's come out of it with an even better prognosis than before. It looks like after five years of morphium and being fed through a tube directly to her intestines, that she will be able to live pain-free and possibly even be able to eat again.

LT,

I see you taking not only big steps but firm ones. This is a good sign. Seems like the WS is still babbling but you are waay to smart to fall for those corny lines.

Stick to your guns deary..... A's are not legit on this planet, just on the alien's mothership but they pretend it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Cultural difference..... what a joke. I am of asian decent and my Ws is on the very white/light side. LOL!! Out here we call 'em haole's..... or 'sharkbait' depending on what mood I am in. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> It's not a cultural thing. What a nut. It's a bad thing no matter what culture. A family is a family is a family. Yea some cultures tolerate or even encourage it but in reality it is still a bad thing.

When will those WS' learn that they just don't look or sound good with their foot in their mouths!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Stay on the high road.

take care,
L.

Good job, losttranslation! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Orchid,
LOL! sharkbait would be a good nickname for a WS. OP could be named JAWS!

I kind of feel like I shoved my foot in WH's mouth... does it even really matter what you say to a WS? I get the impression that they can't hear, can't see, can't smell, can't taste, can't feel reality.


MelodyLane,
Thanks for tuning in! You encouraged me to go to plan b a few months ago. I wasn't ready. I still had work to do. Thanks for not giving up on me!

I am planning a party!

Two old, dear friends of WH and I arrive this week. One arrives from India via the USA, the other from Australia. They both know each other and both have lived here and have other friends in the area as well. Our home has always been a central hub for sozializing.... at least until WH's A.

I sent out invitations today for 20 people for Friday night! It is kind of an "old" crew including some friends we have lost touch with. I have even invited OWH's husband and the personell boss at the bank, both of which are also friends with my guests of honor. It will be strange not having WH here, but I am determined to manage this with good cheer and style. I've appointed a sommeliere woman friend of mine to open wine bottles and keep the glasses full. Another friend will help with the dishes. Another two friends will be bringing their guitars and my two girls are also planning to play at least one piece on their musical instruments. I'll be cooking up a tapas bar...

I'm determined to make a fun and memorable evening. Any of you people want to come? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

what time should we be there..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ARK

Ark,
friday 7 pm!
I can pick you up in Munich, Salzburg or Innsbruck...great food, lodging, excellent wine, and a gorgeous landscape are all included!

I'm curious. Did you give a copy of your Plan B letter to the other woman?

I like your Plan B letter. I hope you don't mind that I am "stealing" parts of it for my own Plan B letter.

Good luck with your party. It sounds wonderful!

LT-
I am very impressed with your plan B letter! You really seem to have grasped what the plan B is about. I know that Eav has been struggling with starting a plan B letter. Hopefully she will read yours, and feel motivated about the whole plan B thing! Best of luck for your future, and hope your party is awesome!

Wow - Great Letter! And what a dingbat your WH is - to risk losing you! So glad to hear your sister's news too!

Iwar,

No, I did not give a copy to Skunkypoo. I don't want to give her that much acknowledgement. I will though tell her H and her personell boss at the party on Friday that I have cut off all contact with WH until the two of them no longer work together. I will tell her H that she has been offered a similar position at another bank branch that is closer to home and that I would appreciate it if he would apply pressure on her to take it so that my family has a chance to heal from all the damage that she has done to us.

And sure, you can use whatever parts you want from my plan B letter. It is pieced together from other plan b letters itself.

imanotherone and stungalong,

Thanks for your support.
Now if I can just internalize this Plan B and get on with enjoying a life again. This whole A has swallowed my life ... other than an unfaithful husband, I have everything a woman could wish for. Time I started appreciating that again.

LT,

I am sorry you had to go to Plan B. You worked really hard and it must hurt to have to go there. It is time to think about and focus on you. You deserve it.

I will never understand how WSs can give up so much for so little!

I am really tempted by your party.... so what if it's only an ocean away.

LT, I am inspired by and privileged to follow your personal growth.

{{{{{{{LT}}}}}}}

Thanks, Luna. Your words are balm on this hurting soul.

Actually, I am doing a bit better today. I was quite productive. I am a free-lancer and used to have no problem self motivating, but through all this crap, it has been sooooo hard to remain disciplined. I must be doing something right, though, because the contracts are just flying through the door right now. One job well done seems to be leading to three more at the moment.

LT,

I am glad to hear things are looking up.

Work is coming in? Good. It will help keep your mind off of you know who!

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on PLAN B.

Tonight is the big party for my Autralian friend.

It is also my wedding anniversary.
I've found myself today in the "what if" land that Orchid knows I am so prone to. I wrote a letter to the frog, just in case he gave me yet another insincere or obligatory gift like flowers from the grocery store.

Sorry Orchid, I went there. But I'm back again and have since been productive thus far today and will now prepare for my party.

Here's my letter, just in case:

Dear frog prince

Thank you, but no thank you. No more insincere or obligatory gifts, please!

Enclosed is another copy of the letter I gave you last week, in case you no longer have it. In this letter I have stated quite clearly that any contact with you is simply too painful for me. Until you have ended your working relationship with Skunkypoo and can provide proof that you have cut off contact completely and forever with her and are willing to give our marriage the chance I think it and our children deserve, I simply can not bear to see or hear from you. Please avoid running into me around our house or elsewhere. Please make it possible for me to keep the memory of what kind of man I was once married to alive. I will need this precious memory should there come a time that you are willing to give our marriage a real chance.
Sincerely,
LT

are you in germany?