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#1471593 09/11/05 06:29 AM
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Fredswife has become suicidal. Please offer her support and encouragement this morning.


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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Fredswife - You have children who need a mother. You must be strong...you can do this. I know it's hard, but do not take your life. Think of the children...who would care for them? Any mistakes you have made can be corrected. You do not have to have a husband to make you happy.

Major hugs coming your way!
{{{{{{{{{Fredswife}}}}}}}}}


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Do not deprive your children of a mother....they only have one.

Do not make your children's future full of gut wrenching agony.

Do not deprive yourself of your future.

"This too shall pass" is said on here often and it is TRUE.

Breathe, play loud music, scream, cry, thump a pillow, pray.

Do what you have to do to get to a point that you CAN ask for help. Promise yourself this is the lowest point you will allow yourself to reach.

Call a helpline, call a trusted friend, see your doctor as a matter of urgency.

Do what it takes now....tomorrow is another day and will take care of itself.

You CAN and WILL get through this.

(((((((Fredswife)))))))

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Dear Fredwife,
I know the feelings of wanting to take your own life. Please remember, this is a temporary situation and suicide is a permanent solution.
I know its hard to get past your feelings, but the lifes that suicide destroys afterwards is monumental. Is this a legacy you want to leave your children.
One of our good friends committed suicide. He was in his early thirties, had a family and felt suicide was his only option.
His mother had committed suicide when he was a teenager. I don't know if this gave him the strength to do this, but he did end up taking his own life, just like his mother had years previously. He left his children fatherless, his wife without her bestfriend.
Another example was my cousin. My cousin had a girlfriend, his parents moved to Georgia, made him go with them, and his solution was to pull a trigger, ending his short 17 years. The pain my Aunt and Uncle felt was terrible. My grandmother's grief was great. Especially because of the suicide, the penalty was not going to heaven.
My young cousin, couldn't look beyond the moment, and realize the solution he had chosen was permanent for a temporary problem.
Give your children a legacy that they will cherish. You will be their hero. Their dad abandoned them, but their mom stayed and nurtured her children, and found inner strength that her children, when they grow up, will in turn find to weather the storms that life brings to them.

Just remember the rollercoaster. Today you are down, but tommorrow life will change, you will change and things will get better.

Jesus Loves you and so do all these betrayed husbands and wives that band her together here, gaining help and comfort.

By the way, is there going to be a time that you change your posting name from Fred's Wife to a name that is yours. You know, you are more than Fred's wife. You are a unique woman, that is passionate, loyal and loving.

In Christ's Love,
K.D.'s Heartbreak


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Yes, I do feel hopeless, but I am not going to kill myself.
I have to make a plan, and I have to stick to it.
It doesn't matter anymore about Freds affair.
I have to think about me and the kids now.
What is best for my family, not what is best for Fred.
I have apologized to him dozens of times for the past, and I can not keep living like that.
Now I have to forgive myself.
I know that God has a better plan for me, I just don't know what it is, and I have to trust that this one day will come to an end.
I will not pretend that I do not love my husband, but the pain I have been going through is destroying me.
He will never admit the affair so why bother to try and get him to.
He can file for a divorce, but I will not accomodate him and make it easy for him.
He had made me a promise about the order of things, and I will hold him to that.
He can call me every name in the book, but I have to remember this is par for the course.
I am not insane, I am not crazy.
I have made mistakes, and have handles things badly, but I am sorry and do not feel this punishment I am receiving is fitting to my crime.


Praying for a miracle!!!!!!
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Yes, you are not crazy or insane.
After I confirmed what I had suspected of the affair, I had an appointment with the marriage counselor, which I attended alone, WS did not want to show his lying face after all the crap he had told MC, and my mc asked me if I was all right. Did I need more counseling appointments for myself. I told him I felt better than I had felt since all this crap came about. The reason I felt better was the fact that all the things I had questioned my husband about, the text-messages, the cell phone calls, the new cologne, clothes, losing weight, all point to an affair, that he ironiclly said I was mentally unstable, were proved beyond a doubt that I was neither mentally unstable, or insane or as he liked to say, acting like everything was a conspiricy theory. I felt empowered by my anger, and relieved that for once and all I had acted like a normal, married woman would act, not a person with mental problems trying to make something out of nothing. The action of trying to make the spouse feel like they are over-reacting and being obsessively unstable, seems to be the method of operation for the WS.
As Kathy Bates said in "Fried Green Tomatoes" "TOWANDA"


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Saving ~

Quote
Yes, I do feel hopeless, but I am not going to kill myself.
I have to make a plan, and I have to stick to it.
It doesn't matter anymore about Freds affair.
I have to think about me and the kids now.
What is best for my family, not what is best for Fred.
I have apologized to him dozens of times for the past, and I can not keep living like that.
Now I have to forgive myself.
I know that God has a better plan for me, I just don't know what it is, and I have to trust that this one day will come to an end.
I will not pretend that I do not love my husband, but the pain I have been going through is destroying me.
He will never admit the affair so why bother to try and get him to.
He can file for a divorce, but I will not accomodate him and make it easy for him.
He had made me a promise about the order of things, and I will hold him to that.
He can call me every name in the book, but I have to remember this is par for the course.
I am not insane, I am not crazy.
I have made mistakes, and have handles things badly, but I am sorry and do not feel this punishment I am receiving is fitting to my crime.

Print this out dear. Read your own words back anytime you are feeling low.

Tape it to your fridge, or your bedroom mirror, or even your computer monitor.

These things are true, and you must remember them!

What matters is your safety and wellbeing and your children's safety and well being.

Whatever Fred says about you does NOT MAKE IT TRUE!!


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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I remember about 3 years ago about this time wishing I were not on this earth...but then in came my son into my thoughts and I put those thoughts immediately away.

You gotta get tough girl. We are here...we walked these same shoes you are in and we're living to tell ya how to do it.

Fred would LOVE to hear this...it would add fuel to his fire and give his legal team something to do. Now that's NOT what we want is it?

We want you to realize a loving mom is all the kids have now...a stable and loving mom is what they need ok?

Get outside...daylight helps depression. Do something fun w/kids even if YOU dont feel like it...trust me you'll feel their love and happiness and the sun's warmth.

Get on a good A.D. I suggest lexapro. I went on it...fast time to steady state in bloodstream as well. No side effects for me.

Get with a counselor. Get with somebody who can help you see that this separation is about FRED AND NOT YOU.

When you finally get that this is not about you...you will feel freed.

Nobody held a gun to our WS's heads and forced them to do this. It is because of a lack of character and inability to feel for anybody other then themselves.

He has blamed you for all because he is probably a narcissist and has not the ability to turn this on himself. He is unwilling to take the blame for causing this distress to his family.

Don't run to him either. He is not your friend. The WS is not our friends. They are aliens...floating around spouting garbage to each other in that darn mothership. He's for now not the same guy ok?

KNow you're loved. We will pray for you to gather strength.

But you gotta suck this up, get tough...and realize that some WS are a bit meaner than others. But one thing in common is this...they blame the BS for everything...in order to retain THEIR sanity ok? I mean, if they really accepted responsibility for all they did, the WS could not look at themselves in the mirror or go to bed with the OP.

So their only choice is to blame us ok? It is rationalization, that's all.

My xh spouted same garbage at me...that letter I read I could have sworn was from him.

I was accused by him, the WS, of being crazy, stupid, ugly, and that nobody would ever want me again....I believed the garbage b/c the idiot beat me down emotionally (sometimes physically) and I thought b/c I loved him and couldn't change him myself (this is key) that it must be true.

Couldn't have been FARTHER from the truth.

In the end, I have discovered that my xwh has done the following and is the following:
a)uses estacy; party drug for when he goes out and tha FV in past (ow/w) has used it with him
b)was NEVEr one day faithful to either ow...cheated on, during, and now with multiple chickie's during the affair marriage to FV..imagine being married with never a day or year (well ****** they've only been married a year and a half now) with NO fidelity? What kinda future is that?
c)FV has been accused of being crazy, ugly, stupid (well she is that) and more...he's also been abusive to her..WS that do not repent do not learn nor do they change...EVEN FOR THE OW OR OP...GET IT?

Reality of ME and who I AM in TRUTH:
a)attractive
b)educated
c)voted within six mos. of filing for divorce state prez of my medical society
d)I have dates...when I feel like it...and am told I am pretty...
e)and I know that all the garbage out of my xwh's mouth is well...JUST GARBAGE!

Now in retrospect, he brags about me in private...as per his business partners' wife...he tells people who knew me and him when we were married what I am doing..how "proud" he is of me...and then belittles the ow when he goes home.

Thank God you are out of this sad sitch with a WS.

We do NOT want a WS back ever. We would want a whole family with a real partner...not a WS. So if one day this idiot wakes up, then he can come back to you with his knees bloody from crawling and soul searching..if not...it is your gain.

YOu're gonna make it. You will. Believe it and you can make it so.

I am a helluva better woman and so much more depth, love, and kindness in my soul having lived thru this. We're gonna pray for you but you gotta know life goes on.

Words from a liar are lies. Say this to yourself over and over again. His words are of NO value. Ours are! Why? Because we are filling them with encouragement, love, and prayers. Put on blinders and realize that if you are listening to an alien, you're listening to an idiot.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Saving,

As a mother you learn the value of life especially after seeing and feeling life being brought into this world. As we live our lives we sometimes find that value diminishing. There are other times where lives are sacrifced for a good reason and at a great cost.

At this time, there is no good reason but the cost is great. Don't spend your family's life riches foolishly. Suicide over a WS is valueless. Completely.

In reality suicide is never a valuable solution. Yet during our moments of despair it does seem like the easier way out.

Please know that this A crap is temporary. Your thoughts and feelings and hopelessness have been shared by many. I am not exempt from those feelings but now, NO OW, WS or A will ever make me want to give up my life for them. They are NOT worth it.

In addtion to, take your problems embedded deep in your soul to God. Throw your burden on him and he will sustain you.

Please keep in contact with us and/or your personal support group. If you need someone to speak with you directly, call out and see who here is willing and available.

I have to take my son to the clinic this morning for some blood tests. I will check back later.

take care,
L.

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Thank you all for your support.
I do love my children so much, and I hate what H is doing to our family.
I hate that he rationalizes everything,and has become mean and spiteful.He has made me believe I am insane.I asked my therapist if I was insane and she said absolutely not.
Fred pushed me to this point with the lies and the headgames and I couldn;t take it anymore. I ended up becoming someone that I hate.
I pray daily, and the more I Pray the worse my situation seems to get.
I know the exposure was good, I knew the anger would be bad, (GIMBLE warned me) but I had no clue how mad he really would get.

How long can this go on??

Is forcing me under duress to file for divorce because of the email incident, or tells me I will end up in a cell.

Last night he called to talk to me because he was lonley and had nobody else to talk to.When I answered the phone I told him that "one unkind word and I will hang up" he was pleasant, wanted to tellme about all of the wonderful things in california I am missing out on.
I felt weak and there is that part of him I miss so damn much.

When he told me that he can not wait to get me out of his life and divorce me ASAP, as I am weight around his neck and I am a disgusting and arrogant piece of ****** with no remorse for my actions. That I live my life to hate and hurt others, that I was untrustworthy, and lived in survival mode, and that I will never amount to anything, ever.
I just sort of lost it.
I swear this is not my husband, and now that he has gone completely over the top, I may never ever se the old Fred again.
That is what I miss.
I miss the man who loved me and would spend time with me and the kids.
I miss the man who would hold me all night and make me feel so safe and now i sleep alone, in our bed and I am miserable.

By the way, are there any attorneys on this board????


Praying for a miracle!!!!!!

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