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He's really becoming a nuisance now harrassing his mom and our friends for his stuff in the attic. I had forgotten about the winter clothes that we had packed away this summer. I don't go up in the attic because well I almost fell through once (quit laughing!!). But I've packed up everything else I could find in the house. I figure if I let him go up in the attic and find his stuff, get the rest of whatever it is he is looking for in the garage and does a walkthrough he will have no reason to call anyone and harrass them anymore...he'd have everything. I thought we were done with this, but he keeps finding things that he wants. My therapist says it's his way of still communicating with me...so if I let him get it all once and for all that SHOULD stop this, correct?
To keep this as diplomatic as possible...I was going to let him come alone...no one here for either side. The police will only come if he gets out of hand. I think if I have any of friends here it would only fuel any fire. Just let him think he's won and be done with it all?
Right approach? I can only do it on Sundays. Because the rest of the week I have the store now and when I close down he's already been drinking for hours. So it would have to be today or next Sunday.
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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I think letting him come back is a bad idea. He is testing your resolve and trying to get a house "fix," because he is in withdrawal. I would suggest packing his stuff up and delivering it to his parents. That is the most diplomatic thing to do and minimizes the drama.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody,
His parents live about 5 hours away...no one else wants to get involved right now. I could just leave everything outside the garage. But we tried this before and he keeps finding things that he has forgotten. Thus why I thought a walkthrough to just be done with it...I agree with you and therapist about the withdrawls, fix...etc. Next suggestion Melody. I don't want to screw this up. I'm not ready to have any confrontation with him either. Just want to end the harrassment for everyone's sake. It's not even cold here in Dallas yet...so why he wants his winter clothes now...who knows?
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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Lisa, he is just looking for a way to get you to break your Plan B, that is why. My God, it is 95 degrees out here and he wants his winter clothes? puhleeese.... [I am in Longview] I agree that you should just put the stuff in a box and set it out in the driveway. If he keeps thinking of stuff, you can mail it to him. Don't let him yank your chain.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. exactly what does he mean by "winter clothes?" We don't even have "winter clothes" in Texas!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He can't get in your house, can he?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How about having a friend be there instead of you when he comes to get his clothes??
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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kds, the idea is to keep him out of the house because she is in Plan B. Getting a house "fix" eases the withdrawal a WS feels in Plan B. That is why he is setting up this ruse to get his winter clothes. [down in sweltering Texas]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Nope...locks have been changed and I got his clicker back!!
His winter clothes consist of 3 pairs of Levi's, heavy boots and long sleeved shirts. I agree wholeheartedly that he is just looking for a reason to have contact with me. I'm not stupid. There may be more shirts in the attic but I am not venturing up there. Way too freaking hot!!
Unfortunately he also has a huge duplicator (business printer) here that there is no way in ****** that I can move. His father had given it to me and it sits in my formal dining room (his old office). That will be a pain to get moved outside. It would take several people to move and load. Not even sure how to deal with that mess.
We used to go to Longview all the time, his best friend used to live there but now lives right outside Longview.
Personally I'd rather donate his clothes to the folks from LA and let OW go buy him new clothes.
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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Lisa, if his father gave you the printer, why are you giving it to him?
Whatever you decide to do, I would not allow him back in the house. That is what this is all about, he is just trying to ease the effects of your Plan B and test your resolve. There are lots of alternatives to letting him back in the house. Winter clothes in Texas, lol!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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BTW...Melody...should I print off another copy of Plan B letter to put with stuff...or is it pointless since he didn't "get it" the first time?
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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Oh, I think he "got it," he just didn't want to get it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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His dad the printer to us when we had the business. But his business partner took back the business from him when he screwed it all up with OW and spent all the business money on her. His father doesn't want it back. I tried pushing it but I can't get it to budge. I think I had better wait and just do it all at once when I can have someone shove it out of the house...no reason to have him come here twice.
Not coming in the house. Garage only to get the rest of his crap...
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Great idea SS, I'm with Mel. Its awkward to maintain Plan B dark, in such situations but early contact just causes chaos.
btw your sigline: OM quoted that to me when I called him on D-day. He was basically saying "the man Squid wants is the man Squid will choose".
I got straight and exposed to his GF some time later and she told HIM to either leave or stay by her rules.
OM was CRAZY, and threatened me. I just replied to him " I just gave you the chance to follow your own advice".
Hyuk.
MB Alumni
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Just finished packing the rest of his stuff...all outside the garage. Door closed. Inside safe and snug as a bug. He's on his way!!
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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EEEW....the stench...fumiating over my backyard. He brought OW with him...kinda irked me but I am sure it was for HIS protection...but now he has NO reason to call me!!
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Give me a rip, he brought the OW to your house?? Do you realize she would have come IN your house if you had not prevented it? ugh!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yup he brought that stinky thing over here. I was out by the pool watching the whole thing. YEEEESH...that woman is just the absolute scum of the earth. And of course I mean that in the nicest way possible.
When he called he asked about the piddly ice chest...I told him I couldn't get it down off the shelf. He asked if I got everything out of the attic, I told him I got what I could find, it was too hot. He didn't put up a fight or an arguement (amazingly enough I was expecting him to). But I guess I'll be getting a call about the ice chest one of these days. Shall we take bets?
Oh I am sure she wanted to see how much "nicer" my house is than hers....HEE HEE!! I had expected him to bring her...she has him on a tight leash. He doesn't go anywhere without her these days. She swear to God, keeps him home locked up (he still doesn't have keys) and now that her car go repoed, she takes his car so he stays home drinking and watching tv all day...some kinda life eh?
Actually I am from Los Angeles, been in Dallas about 13 years now.
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
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