Current girlfriend is being threatened by a guy she was in a relationship with prior to our dating. This came up once before and when she said I will "take care of it". I trusted her to do so. Now we have the same issue again. How do I react here.......... I think the guy is married but very well may physically hurt my girlfriend. I've suggested that she get law enforcement involved but fears this will only make him vindictive. Anybody with a similar problem please let me know how to best handle this.

Your reaction should be to stay out of it. This is her problem, not yours. If this man is really a threat to her and she doesn't get the police involved, she's a fool. Most states have pretty harsh stalking laws. It's hard to be vindictive from jail.

I can only tell you what I would do. Were I dating a woman with a similar problem and she wasn't dealing with it, I'd end the relationship. I will not be a party to someone else's drama show. While she is still trying to unload an old boyfriend, she cannot be fully engaged in our relationship.

Ecxpa,

Encourage her to call the authorities and attempt to put an end to his harassment. Have her get some sort of a Protection from abuse order out on him so he can't come near her...IF and I repeat IF she is truly wanting to get rid of him. You didn't state how long ago was the last incident with him. Had there been a period where he didn't come around? If so why all of a sudden is he doing so? It would be a red flag to me if she didn't want to make sure it was done and over with once and for all. They won't put him in jail for hearsay but they would probably grant her a temporary protection order with enough evidence presented...provided that's what she wants. You personally should stay clear of the situation with him..meaning no physical confrontation but if you love her and want to stand by her then by all means encourage her to get ahold of the local authorities and see what if anything they can or will do.

Good luck!!
Ronda

Thankx AllurinGreenEyes and CheckUrHeart for your reply and opinions. I fortunately or unfortunately share your views; my experiences here have revealed that others may have a dissenting opinion. It seems perfectly clear to me what she must do. I have asked her to come clean with me on the relationship with this man which I think is reasonable and then together we can make a decision about our relationship. She doesn't want to "discuss" it at this time but has set a date "to talk about it". I'm inclined to put the relationship on hold until we can talk but she wants to continue to see each other. Is an ultimatum out of order here? I don't want to lose this woman but I am deeply concerned........not only of this history, but why she doesn't want to talk NOW! HELP!!!!!

Absolutely put it on hold! What's with setting a date to talk about it?? Seems awfully suspicious to me. Get the heck out of dodge while you can and write it/her off as a HUGE learning experience. Why stay being a doormat? If she cared at all about you she would make sure that you two as a couple were okay and not worried about explaining it down the road. Get out while the gettin is good!

Alluring

Ultimatums don't work unless you are willing to carrying them out no matter what the outcome turns out to be. Instead, consider telling her that until she is ready and willing to come totally clean with you that there will be no more contact between the two of you. In this way you will convey to her that you will not tolerate any possible cake-eating on her part and will jettison the relationship if you find that you cannot trust her.

TMCM

Thankx ......all for your input.....feel better already.

I have to agree with AlluringGreenEyes and TMCM. What is up with whis? No, if she cannot/willnot talk to you about this now, your relationship is already going bad. Something is wrong here.....

I'm with them....she needs to come clean or get sent packing....