More and more the feelings prevail lately that I wish I had never ever met my husband. I was 25 when I met him, with a young child. While I'm no old lady, it would've been much easier to meet someone who truly wanted to be married to me. I wouldn't have wasted 10 years of my life.

Sure, he added positive things to my life, but the price I had to pay for that far outweiged the good.

I live far from him (it's been almost a year since I've seen him, and I've talked him only a couple of times since February) but live close to his parents. I still see his parents every now and again so that I can see our dog that we gave to them when we separated. His parents are very kind to me. I know that he's going to see them for Thanksgiving and will be in town with his girlfriend (not his original affair partner), apparently the love of his life. Thankfully the area where I live is big enough where I'm not likely to run into them.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately of packing up all the wedding pictures and pictures of us together. Packing up the meaningful gifts he's given me. I also have a few odds and ends like his college class ring. Thinking of packing these things up and bringing them to his parents house.

I know that I cannot truly erase him from my life. I'm not yet ready to not see my dog anymore, she's so precious and I miss her terribly. But I don't *think* I need the wedding pictures and special things he's done for me over the years. I have not looked at pictures since I made him a special photo album at Christmas (when we were still speaking and talking of working on the marriage).

Has anyone else just gotten rid of everything having to do with their marriage? Did you regret it or was it a relief? I am not hoping to get any kind of reaction from him by doing this--it is purely for myself.

For reference...there was still hope of reconciliation up until February, when he met his new girlfriend. Of course he does not consider this an affair and there's no way I can compete with that relationship, nor do I necessarily want to. Now there is no hope for reconciliation whatsoever. I was served a couple of weeks ago.

Pack it all up in a box and store it somewhere. Look at it ten years from now. This is part of your life -- a decade of it -- and you're likely to have a different perspective in time. Not that you'll think it was great -- maybe just necessary to becoming who you will be.

Aislinn,

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I actually let my exH get all that he wanted out of the house. What he didn't get that was 'his', I gave to good will. I gave him 99% of the jewelry that he gave me - including the engagement/wedding ring. Jewelry meant so much to him, that my heart could not tolerate keeping those pieces.

Our pictures together, I threw away. Don't know if I regret that or not yet. So far - no. Wedding pictures I kept. Waited about 2 months from the final D and then went through them again. Just to make sure I grieved them. Now have them packed up (with my wedding portrait) to send to my parents...that way, they aren't destroyed (as it was a part of my life), but they also aren't in my face all the time.

I don't know if there is a 'right' way....I think you have to do what's comfortable to you. But know when you are reacting out of anger and hurt vs when you are acting b/c you are truly ready to move on.

Aislinn,

I think it is a good thing to get those things out of your face. Perhaps gone forever. Take the advice of Alexandra Stoddard. Surround yourself with things which lift you up, give you joy, lead to happiness - and remove from your environment things which drag you down.

If you pack them away, and fill your life with new and good things, you may find that over time, they come to mean no more than last summer's sale catalogs.

-AD

AD,

Great advice.

aislinn---It is very sad that you find yourself contemplating trying to rid yourself, your life, of memories of ten years with your husband. It is obvious you still have feelings of love for him. If you were still trying to reconciliate with him, just in december, thats just 8 months ago. YOu had hopes then, I am sure you still have some today. YOU cannot erase the memories of ten years, even if you get rid of everything,every object he had given you. YOu have still good memories of him, but you say the bad ones outweight them. Even so, its impossible to completely erase those ten years.

YOu can get involved , get busy, maybe eventually be in another relationship, and you will eventually look back at those ten years with no pain, just indifference.

Ten years its a long time in someone's life to think you can erase memories,momentoes, good and bad feelings from your life. Your memories of him, will eventually be a distant remainder of ten years in your life that made you the person you are today.

I am sorry for the pain of your memories. I wish you the best.

Myrta

I don't know, maddy.

Thinking about this makes me terribly sad. I've removed most everything with my XWW's fingerprints on it from my daily life.

After I buy my house, which hopefully will happen in a matter of weeks, I'll probably purge more things still.

Reminders of shared memories, like photographs and letters from my lawyer, are in a box. Maybe one day when I'm pretty sure it won't hurt to look at the stuff (which I can just barely imagine), I'll give it a going-over, if for no other reason to check my calibration.

So I'll decide about keeping it or pitching it later. For now it'll just sit in a dark corner, out of sight.

GC

I wouldn't have wasted 10 years of my life.

Aislinn, myrta has a point. The things you did that were good and fun, and righteous and enjoyable in those ten years were JUST that.The bad stuff you endured was JUST that too. Would you consider the last ten years a waste if you were back together with WH right now , in hope ?

By erasing WH you are trying to erase part of yourself too. YOU took part in everything you remember, good and bad from those years too. Not sure that's a good idea.

Are you trying to passively punish your WH by trying to 'unmake' him part of your life ?

Whatever else yoru time with him did it helped make you who you are today, and from where many of us sit, thats not a bad thing at all !

All blessings

Just thinking of you, maddy. I think the idea of boxing it up and out of sight is right on. {{{maddy}}}

Aislinn,

Pack it all up and store it. Out of sight and out of mind.

""I'm not yet ready to not see my dog anymore, she's so precious and I miss her terribly.""

GO GET THE DOG!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Seriously!!

k

I vote for the dog, too!

Store his stuff in the basement or somewhere where it is not in your face. It really helps. I took all of H's stuff (all his personal stuff) and put it all in a room in the basement. I also gave him back my engagement ring.(I actually regret doing that because I think he will sell it now, but I guess he had a right to do with it as he will). I have all the letters he wrote to me when we first started dating but I don't know about giving those back (I cannot even make myself throw them out or burn them. I just stored them away). I kept some photo albums, I know I will want to look at them someday, but not now.

Putting it out of sight will not erase the memories in your mind but it will help not to be continuously reminded that your H is gone. At first when I moved it all, I looked at my place and I had more bookshelves then books and I looked at the space and it made me sad. Now, I have started putting some things there things that I have stored away because of lack of space. My living room is like I wanted it to be. It still has the furniture H and I bought together, but it has a nice feminine touch now.

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been separated only 4 months and it is hard....
Many hugs...

Daisy