She says she is breaking contact for her not for me. She is doing this so she can clear her head and figure out what she wants. She made it clear that she was doing this for herself and not for me and I said good it should be for you. She is not living in the house and me and our 4 kids and she told me not to get my hopes up because she really wants things to work out with OM that is why she is breaking it off. Is this still the fog? She says she has never felt connected to me and this guy makes her feel really good. I think it is her that makes herself not feel connected to me. She still wants to be legally seperated. I called her last night to make sure she had made it to her location safely and she called right back and told me not to get my hopes up. Any advice would be appreciated for the next steps. I have filed for legal seperation but I am thinking maybe I should wait on that.

D-day 8/18
M 17yrs
4 kids

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Is she still in the fog....

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

she's beyond fog..
she's a crappy abandoning children over a man person...
the worst kind of alien there is...

and you my dear friend..
be it plan A plan B or plan nothing....

need to never ever ever ever ever ever ever condone contact with an OM....

there is no such thing as contact for me...
that is nothing but selfish affair behavior...

You need to make clearer than clear..that you will never ever allow your children exposure to STRANGE man..

you need to make it clear that she will forever be view by her FOUR children as choosing a MAN over them..

that she is teaching them that dads' are replacable..and that parents can decide on a whim that if a person grows weary of their spouse they can instantly be replaced...

that whenever dad upsets mom she can go out and find a new dad...

they will believe that if THEY upset mom she will replace them...

they will internalize her decision that something in them is lacking..
that if they were lovable enough
if they were good enough
if they were better..
she would choose them....

please tell me the children are with you
please tell me she has full access to the children in THEIR home only and you allow no contact with mom and strange men..

please tell me about the OM and if you have exposed the affair....

how long is the affair
how does she know them..
how are the children...

women and men who behave and abandon their children make me ill...

ARK

oops I get it she is going no contact....

but I still answer my questions

and tell me if you are in plan a..
and exposure
etc...

and where she is living..

ark

Nope,

Don't wait on it the safety (financial, physical) of your children depends on YOU protecting them. She has offered no guarentees, nor has she said she is considering working on the marriage, so what has changed??? Her word that she is breaking it off? I don't think her word is worth spit as this point. Keep moving along with YOUR plans.

God Bless,

JL

Ok she met him at a bar on 8/18 but had already had 2 previous one night stands with in the 2 weeks prior to this. Her job has required her to travel and she would stay in motels through the week, she said she was doing her home work for school. She would come home on Saturday for school we would see her Sunday and then she was off out of town again. Just in the last 2 months has she became unfaithful. The kids are with me and I was filing for joint custody but physical custody with me. Should I go for full custody? Friday was my sons football game that was an hour from where we live but 30 from OM. She was going to bring him while he sat on the other sideline because they had planned to spend the weekend together. I told her that if he showed up that him and I were going to box. Left a mean message at his house. (i know I should have never done that) He lives at home so his parents are really angry with her and want there son (37 3 divorces) to stop talking with my wife. I have told all of my family and hers. And I have made a life change and she sees it because everyone she talks to she tells them the change she sees in me. My 2 oldest children 17 boy and 12 girl don't even want her to come back. The 2 younger ones 5 boy and 3 girl are unfazed because she has been absent for the last year anyway. I know I am just writing alot and I hope you can piece this together. I spent a couple of hours with her yesterday at our Bishops office and she was just stone cold. She tells me she really wants things to work between her and OM so she will stop contacting him and if it is meant to be then they will be together. I have made it clear that no OM is to be around the children but she is a lier and can't be trusted.

H&S,

Breaking contact?? I would believe NOTHING that comes from her mouth at this time.

I would go for FULL custody!! Ark^^ has said it all.

I wonder if, besides the A, there are drugs involved. This OMLOSER is 37, D 3Xs and IS LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS??!! There MUST by some meth or coke going on, too! What else would be the attraction.

Find out she is doing a druggy and you've got your kids full time.

Has her personality totally changed in the last year? Her physical appearence? Thinner, change in complexion, sleeping habits? $$ unaccounted for?

Why else would she totally flip out and abandone her kids for this loser? Unless she is SOOOO self centered and self indulged that she can see no one but herself in this world.

k

Wow I am sorry man. I don't have any kids, but your ww behavior is just like my ww. we just started a seperation 2 weeks ago. She kept saying all the same crap about wanting to clear her head. She was just trying to set things up so that I would meet her needs she wanted from me while seeing om.
I know you still care for her my friend, as I do my WW. But think of yourself and your kids. You don't need to constantly have om thrown in your face. My ww did the same thing. I know she is ruining her life with this turd so I didn't condone her seeing om, I just let it go and stopped snooping. i know what's going on anyway, no need to cause myself any more pain.

Ask yourself, what kind of person abandones their kids and hurts their spouse like that. Is that the type of person you want around???

must be in the water with all these WW going after mid life losers. SAme thing here KDH, she wanted to fence sit and be a cake eater, well DD and I couldn't take that anymore. HURTANDSCARED- don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth (unless shes vomiting) myWW said some things this past weekend, and I thought I saw a glimmer of hope ,only to be contradicted 24hrs later.Take care of the children and yourself for now, hopefully she''l wake up. Along with my WW.

Yuck...

As I've said in a few other threads, my FWW went all ga-ga over an overweight, semi-literate, chainsmoking (she HATES smoking!) ex-con who did 5 yrs. for assault.

Sweet Jesus!

What is the problem with these women? Thank God my wife came to her senses. She is profoundly embarrassed about it now.

I want to wait for the house to sell before going to planB because I still need her money so that the kids and I can survive. Plan A is a very painful process.

mflake if it wasn't for the overweightness I'd swear my WW has your FWW's brother. 15yrs younger 9th grade dropout chain smoker,alcholic...but honey I love him makes me want to barf. when i hear that.hopefully she'll wake up

Ok she met him at a bar on 8/18 2 hours from where we live and slept with him the first night but had already had 2 previous one night stands with in the 2 weeks prior to this. Her job has required her to travel and she would stay in motels through the week, she said she was doing her home work for school. She would come home on Saturday for school we would see her Sunday and then she was off out of town again. Just in the last 2 months has she became unfaithful. The kids are with me and I was filing for joint custody but physical custody with me. Should I go for full custody? Friday was my sons football game that was an hour from where we live but 30 from OM. She was going to bring him while he sat on the other sideline because they had planned to spend the weekend together. I told her that if he showed up that him and I were going to box. Left a mean message at his house. (i know I should have never done that) He lives at home so his parents are really angry with her and want there son (37 3 divorces) to stop talking with my wife. I have told all of my family and hers. And I have made a life change and she sees it because everyone she talks to she tells them the change she sees in me. My 2 oldest children 17 boy and 12 girl don't even want her to come back. The 2 younger ones 5 boy and 3 girl are unfazed because she has been absent for the last year anyway. I know I am just writing alot and I hope you can piece this together. I spent a couple of hours with her yesterday at our Bishops office and she was just stone cold. She tells me she really wants things to work between her and OM so she will stop contacting him and if it is meant to be then they will be together. I have made it clear that no OM is to be around the children but she is a lier and can't be trusted.

She hads made it quite clear, has she not?

You must take steps to protect yourself and the children as she has made it clear that you and the family you have with her are not a priority.

Ok so today she tells me that since OM and her have broken contact that her and I need to break as well so she can clear her head and heart. Found an email that she sent to her aunt talking about how she know she will end up persuing OM but does not want to hurt me. She says in the email that she wants to be in his arms forever. In my eyes if she turns her back on her family she will always be a quitter. Family takes sacrifice but the rewards are greater in this life and the life after. I am serving her with legal seperation papers on Sunday. I keep telling her that I love her and I know I can meet her needs and have changed but dang I can't hold on forever.

H&S,

Explain the thinking on going to Legal Sep rather than Big D?

YOU make sure you stay in the house with your kids.

Have you considered the druguse theory??

Stay strong and take care of yourself!

k

No drug use although I think the OM may use. She said he is compulsive and he is always out late everynight.

I will go for the D once the house is sold.