I saw a post the other day about reasons why a husband wanted to stay with his FWW. While I was sitting in a training today, not paying attention, I started a list of my own. It is why my H is better than the OM.

1. He is ... more well-endowed.
2. I can wear heels without the fear that I am going to be taller (the OM is rather short)
3. OM's idea of a nice dinner out is Fridays. My H's idea of a nice dinner out is actually a nice restaurant.
4. My H is so much smarter ... he is more on my level intellectually
5. My H has nicer legs ... the OM's legs are like chicken legs.
6. My H is more focused in life in what he wants to do
7. My H knows the real me.
8. My H knows how to meet my need for conversation.
9. My H says he can cook, and he actually can
10. M H keeps his promises.

When I got to that point, I realized I needed to start paying attention to my training since I would be expected to go back to work and train all of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade teachers on what I was learning. But I think 10 is a good start.

R U my wife?

Obviously not, as I am seriuosly lacking in one of the above strengths. I won't say which one.

Without reading your thread you appear to be "getting it". It's so unfortunate you had to learn this lesson this way but what's done is done. Learn from it and move on to an amazing recovery.

Best wishes,
ACT

P.S.-I can't cook, what did you think?

ACT...

Amazingly enough, I actually thought that you were lacking in the cooking department. I guess I am good at guessing!

It is sad that it took me so long to get actually "get it" but for the first time, I actually feel like I do.

I read in someone's tag line, a quote for Maya Angelou that seems very fitting ... "You did then, what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better."

Now that I know, I am trying to act on that and actually do better. Now if only my H would let me apply this knowledge to him, we could actually have a recovery.

(((Cinny)))

How about a new list entitled "Why my Hubby is AWESOME" or "What I'm grateful for in my Hubby" with these lists make no comparisons......

LostHusband,

I made that list about a month ago. It was entitled "100 Things I Love About My Husband." There were no comparisons. It was all about HIM.

He didn't seem all that excited about it.

Kewl.....


I can understand but the list isn't/wasn't for him. It's for you.

My point was, while it could be fun to joke about the OM's height or size of his package, expending any emotional energy on him still gives him power and control in your life.

On a side note, did you and Peachy end up getting together? I had lunch with her and her little cutie a couple years back........

Lost Husband,

We never did get together while she was here in Orlando. I guess it would have helped if we had exchanged some information before she left. I guess I will know that for next time!

In my mind, I made that list to show myself and my H (if he reads it) that I have no feelings for OM. I can now see clearly how he was lacking in so many areas, but I can still see your point.

Cinnymd,

I don’t believe in comparing a BS with an OP, but I do want to share the following with you:

BS’s have it over the OP’s in many ways, but the following are the 2 most important things:

[color:"red"] 1) The BS didn't indulge in an A with a married person.

2) The BS’s love the FWS’ enough to want to stay with him/her and stand by him/her in spite of the pain the FWS has caused the BS.[/color]

The above two things alone show you the kind of love, respect and integrity the BS have...things which make them superior to the OP in MAJOR ways. Aren't these qualities just wonderfull? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And I think with the 2 important things above, you don't even need to put something else on the list! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Suzet,

The first one alone definitely makes my H a million times better. But unfortunately, I failed to see #2 until now, and for right now ... it is no longer true. Working on changing that!

Dear Cinnymd,

While I’ve sent my post to you, I wasn’t aware of you and your H’s situation and that he don’t want to work on the M anymore. I did follow up on your situation afterwards though, but I realize I should have read up on your situation before I’ve posted to you. I’m sorry if my post sound insensitive towards you or hurt you… This situation must be very difficult for you Cinnymd… But I do hope things will get right and that your H will return to the M.

(((HUGS)))

Suzet

Suzet...

No fears! I did not think that your post was insensitive. I have learned here that everyone out there wants to help, andd unless they know the whole story (which could make for some very lengthy posts if you put it on every thread) ... people aren't always going to give the most accurate advice. It doesn't mean that they didn't have the best of intentions though.

I do hope that my H returns as well. There is nothing I would like more.

cinnymd,

No one can fault you for your honesty but I agree with Suzet's two ways the BS is better than the OP. While its good that you admire the things your H has over the OM, I would suggest to you to consider how you would feel if your H had been the one who had the affair and he made a list that included at the very top of the list 'She [you]... is more well-endowed [bigger breasts]'. Please don't think I'm trying to bash you but I want you to understand that while it's good that you are being honest, I hope that you do not leave out the more important 'Why's' [Suzet's] that have more meaning over the long run.

TMCM