this has a history

1. my husband is severely depressed and started corresponding with a woman half his age on a private email. We fought over it then she backed off so he went to her country to convince her to continue the correspondence. when he got back I said we must go to marriage counselling
2. he didn't want to give her up but agreed to his needs her needs - the whole thing ended up with his agenda being "get her back for me or I'll never trust you again "(she didn't want back so....)
3. he started hunting on dating sites for women to meet in our city and met one. He corresponded with her for 6 months before she knew he was married but still agreed to meet with him (to me this was dating)
4. after the his needs I have been trying very hard to meet his needs but he has not tried at all to meet mine which has generally been the story of our whole 28 year marriage (I just keep trying harder and he keeps taking more)
5. I suggested he go to a depression chat site rather than the dating sites. He has done this but now he spends absolutely every spare minute on the chat site. I am not allowed to see what's going on there, we now have no conversation, he totally ignores our children, he is not out looking for a job, not getting the few things around home he does taken care of, etc

the question = has he just traded an emotional affair with one person for philandering with many women?

the answer according to harley is just to meet his needs but though my husband says I have met his needs until I found out about the last dating person he continues this very destructive behavior. Has this become an addiction? I am thinking of moving into another room of the house for one month while he decides if he wants to commit wholey and completely to our marriage.

we are going to marriage counselling but the counsellor said he needs to meet alone with my husband because there are some really big problems he needs to address.

when he decides, if he decides to work things out, then I am wondering if it's prudent to set some conditions.

any advice

We fought over it then she backed off so he went to her country to convince her to continue the correspondence.
Did he (try to) convince you that nothing physical happened?
I would bet large amounts of money that it did.

I suggested he go to a depression chat site rather than the dating sites.
He should not be going to ANY chat sites.

I am not allowed to see what's going on there
Which is exactly why he should not go to ANY chat sites.

the answer according to harley is just to meet his needs
No, that is incorrect. Meeting his needs is simply the start of what you need to do.

while he decides if he wants to commit wholey and completely to our marriage
This is part of what meeting his needs is supposed to do.

Read the links below.