I'll try to make this brief, but bear with me, please. Our sixteenth wedding anniversary is next week, but this week will mark the five-month anniversary of D-day; the day he told me about and ended his almost year-long affair with a close friend. He and I (and our children) are now in a different country (H is military and just got transferred to Europe) and he is making an incredible effort to try to rebuild our marriage from the ground up. Two months after D-day we renewed our vows, and although things have not been entirely peachy all the time, I don't doubt his commitment now or that he really is "in love" with me again.
I've always been the planner of the family, and I've tried to make sure to put his needs ahead of my own when it comes to planning special events. We agreed when we were married that we would celebrate our anniversaries by doing something we both enjoy or buying a joint gift instead of giving individual gifts, and most of the time we don't do anything extravagant since we have a larger-than-normal family to care for and our budget doesn't really allow for large expenditures. Neither one of us wanted to have hurt feelings over one of us giving a better gift for our anniversary! It's always worked very well for us. Last year, I went "overboard" and bought tickets to an Atlanta Braves game (we both enjoy baseball but he's a HUGE Braves fan) and we had a blast, even on the five-hour drive to get there and even though we had our children with us.
This year, however, both of us are at a bit of a loss. I know he's trying not to "push" me but I'm totally emotionally drained. I've hurt so much during this recovery process that I'm numb. I would love to be able to plan something memorable for us to celebrate the love we share that has been able to endure such a gigantic obstacle, but I've been unable for a while to show him how I feel because my heart is still "on guard".
To any of you who have overcome something monumental like this in your marriage, what did you to do celebrate an anniversary? How can I make it special?

Oh, forgot to mention one little *problem*--our fifteen-year-old son BEGGED his dad to take him to an international auto show that's being held in our area and my husband has agreed to go.....but it is literally ON our anniversary! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Hubby is buying tickets for all of us to go, but I'm trying very hard to get past the feeling of being neglected here. HELP?????

My first thought is that your H needs to be the one to make this anniversary special. Not as a punishment, but simply because, as you stated, you are drained...as a result of working on and focusing on your marriage and repairing the damage done. Remember, I'm not saying this is his punishment. If you've been the one who predominantly plans special things or makes the extra effort to create a memorable experience, then it's his turn at the helm.

In your post I see two things....the first is that you said, "I've tried to make sure to put his needs ahead of my own when it comes to planning special events". Isn't that a LB - in that you're putting his needs above your own. Isn't everything supposed to be agreed upon without one spouse giving up a part of themselves for the other?

And the second, "our fifteen-year-old son BEGGED his dad to take him to an international auto show that's being held in our area and my husband has agreed to go.....but it is literally ON our anniversary!" Did you give your enthusiastic approval on this? If you did, then you have to let it go. But it doesn't sound like you enthusiastically agreed. It's my understanding that a LB is when either of you makes independent decisions and/or if either of you is dishonest about your true feelings.

"Hubby is buying tickets for all of us to go, but I'm trying very hard to get past the feeling of being neglected here." I think you need to tell your H how you feel - ALL of how you feel so that you can BOTH work on a way to fix this or help you to feel better.