Been in such a funk the past couple of days since WS and OW came here and picked up his last things...I've really tried to shake this funk...but just can't seem to. I'm busy as can be but still can't get this whole thing off my mind. Dreamed of him last night. That he came out of the fog. Woke up in a pool of tears.

This town is too small for the both of us...I saw them twice yesterday while I was running errands...that of course didn't help.

Also now that I've given up the dart league with my friends, I'm now at home more since that was the only reason I used to go out at nights. My friends understand that I needed to back off but we all miss each other. It just seems strange that here I am giving up those things I love and enjoy and the only things and people that have kept me going for the past two months and it's because of him I had to do this.

I just don't get how someone can give up everything...love, home, friendships, lifestyle...all for OW and a bottle of Jack. I just don't get it...he has nothing now...nothing...calls to borrow money from friends and me just to make ends meet. Won't get a job. How can someone just let it all go? Is the OW really worth all this? Will he ever wake up out of the fog or is this how he really wants his life to be?

Anyway, just venting...hope this helps me get my act back together. Someone please chew me out and set me straight...because I can't seem to do it myself today.

I know I am not the only one going through all this so feel free to vent away your frustrations.

Hi SS. Surely WH will eventually realize what he has now - nothing - and what he had before - everything. And then if his pride allows he will come back.

Pride is a huge problem for many men. I wonder if it could help him if he had some way to save face? To make coming back much easier?

Sadie,

I know exactlly how you are feeling and I ask myself the same questions everyday. But I finally realized we are not going to get the answers.

its time now for us to let God deal with our WH's and hope and pray they will see the light. All we can do is leave the door open and the light on and pray they come to it.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life and I hate it so much. I never in my life would have thought my H would do this to me. But he has and now I have to become a strong woman and do whats right for me.

Last night Believer posted something on my thread I think you should read if you get the chance. It made so much sense to me.

So lets stay the course and work on us and become what we want to be for ourselves. One thing I have no doubt in is that someday our H's will wake up and see the mess they made. I just hope for them that when that day comes we both still want them in our lives.

It will all work out in the end no matter what the outcome is Sadie believe in that...

We need help...yes is pride has got to be one of his strongest characteristics...that's what his father said we need to get too. Right now he feels that everyone has turned their backs on him. We have...his family, his friends and me. All those that he loves and knows that love him.

I know him as his father does, WS feels that we have all turned on him and he has nowhere else to go but to stay where he is. He can't see through to the lighthouse right now because of his pride and because the drinking and OW keeps him in the fog. I know he is in the process of hitting rock bottom...and needs to be left to do so. But if you don't see the lighthouse shining through...what do you do? Keep on drinking? He doesn't even remember the Plan B letter I gave him.

Weneedhelp.

That is the wonder I have sometimes will his pride stand in his way. I have told him many times not to let that stop him if he wants to come home.

I am not the type of person who will say I told you so and he knows it. His mother has told him don't worry what other people say, if you want to come home do it..

I am far from giving up on him and he knows it. So I do believe that someday he will do the right thing. At least thats what I feel for now.

{{{{sadie}}}}

Hugs for free. Not out of pity either. Being in the funk is no fun at all I know.

I wish you were still going to play darts but your safety is more important than the darts club. It's just that being lonely really stinks! You're still practicing at home right?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> A girl has got to stay sharp with the throwing arm after all!

hurtinginokla, I'm going to check out what believer wrote to you. She has been a wonderful, compassionate motivator for me.

Both of you know my circular logic -- Everything works out in the end so if things haven't worked out, it must not be the end.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Big squidgy hugs all around!
Sally

Sally,

I love your circular logic.. I will remember that.

Sally,

Actually he took the backboard for our dart board here at the house...but excellent idea...I think I'll go buy one today and have one of my friends put the board back up...Excellent idea, thank you!!

I'm off to read Believer's thread also. Thanks Hurt.

You know what really sucks, is that here things are soooo looking up for us...I got my store open, I am in the process of getting my US distribution from the UK...going to the UK in the fall...things are sooo there for us...and he's not here to share it and be a part of our dream finally coming true. We had worked soooo hard for this. So hard. Sacrificed so much to get to this point. Now it means nothing to me. Nothing...

It's okay to wallow for a while in a pity party. For me, every contact with WH puts me in a bad place. I do my best to stay strong and detached. But it's a setback every time.

You need to think about what it will take to make your life what you want it to be. Is hiding in your house helping? Is not being with your friends helping? You are not the guilty party. Your WH is the guilty party. Are you going to let him take the rest of your life away?

I don't think anybody knows WHY WS do what they do. Why do they hurt so many people seemingly without a care? Addiction to the OP? A midlife crisis? An extreme case of self-centeredness? My WH like so many has thrown away all the things anyone could aspire for. He had an intelligent, reasonably attractive, loving wife, 3 great kids, a beautiful though admittedly messy home. Now, his kids hardly wish to speak to him and his OW has other boyfriends.

I often wonder if he find that all of it was worth it.

Sadie,

Don't give up hope sweetie. Right now I can see how it means nothing to you but in time it will. He knows you are still continuing the dream you both had and sacraficed for. IMHO that may the thing that will show him the light and the way home. He will see that you are still following that dream and want to become part of it again.

So keep on following your dream and don't let this situation ruin it for you. It will get better as you get stronger and happier. We have to trust in ourselves and God to help us through this.

Are you going to have snacks and drinks at the pity party? I went through months of wallowing, and it wasn't very much fun.

sadie, weneedhelp,huting,sally and grape- Can a BS male join your party? Pride does along with WW I feel as well. She admits to missing DD and myself, and just last week asked if I could forgive, thought it was a glimmer of hope. But alas OM must have gotten a second chance as she is still with him. Sadie I know all about small town crap, my WW is living down the street! But it is I who has everything, DD,pets home etc, oops I forgot shes in love.....Gals hang in there and as we all pray for our WS to wake up from the fog.

As a matter of fact Believer, yes I think we should actually start off with a wonderful breakfast....pain perdu (stuffed french toast with cream cheese/marmalade), eggs and then a few mimosa...we can continue to snack and drink all day (or at least until this funk wears off me today).

Believer, thank you for your post on Hurts thread...it really does give one a glint of hope...I just feel it fading today for some damn reason. ARGH...I just so want to call him up and tell him off...but I promise I won't.

Notice I didn't say beg him to come home, though....

Bigwave,

Of course your invited. We are going through the same thing and having friends to lean on is a big help... We will make it through this, of that I have no doubt.

One thing for sure its gotta get better, I can't imagine it getting much worse...

Oh good. Sounds like a real party. Let's not have any sad songs yet though.

And no accordian music....

It took a piss poor plan b (on my part) and 1 week of living by himself (I'm certain he was with the kooze, tho) to realize what a big mistake Wookie was making.

What plan are you in, SS?

I'm so sorry, sugar. I know it stinks on toast.

- Kimmy

DANG THE LUCK...Grapegirl! I was just going to suggest some punk polka!

ROTFLMAO!

- Kimmy

DD,

I am in Plan B...it's been a rough one because he got the letter, acknowledged the letter in a very self-centered voice mail and the last time we talked, he doesn't even remember receiving it. He's been drinking a great deal since he left. So we basically went into an immediate Plan B because we were also dealing with alcohol and OW.

Dealan,

How lucky you were for that to happens so fast for you. My WH has been living with the OW since July. He has come home twice in that time once for a week and then for 3 days. With the 3 day one just been about 3 weeks ago.

I now am in planb a true plan b since Sept.8th and it does not seem to be phasing him at all.... I sure wish my WH would have woken up that fast ....