hello friends
Things have been going on like a tornado taking away all my dreams,plans for the future.My husband and myinlaws never wanted me to have contact with my parents in another country.I am here in US ,never visited my family once and dont see any chance in the future.My husband and my inlaws make it sure that nothing goes in the direction where things get in the favour of my parents.They have been making small issues out of everything and in the end somehow have been convincing me that My parents are always the culprits..I have been knowing the truth but never had the courage to say that instead I told my husband and my inlaws all my weaknesses and they make it a thousand folds and convince me that I am someone who has been denied and cheated by her parents.My parents had a abusive past and I told my husband about that and that was my biggest mistake.Instead of understanding my situation,he has totally exploited me.I have told hima million times that I am thousands of miles away from my family and I miss them.The only answer he has is that they started it and its unfortunate but what can I do?
I have been quiet for the sake of marriage but now that I have a 5 months old son,I know I cannot take it anymore.I sat down yesterday and wrote on a piece of paper as what are my husband's faults,what are my faults and what are my parents faults.All the things that have happened so far,I am responsible in each and everything.I am responsible bcz I never spoke out loud what I wanted and what is the right thing.I want to do it now when things are really ugly.
I dont know how to start.I dont know how my husband will react.I dont know if My marriage will be over or not.I dont know if at this critical point of my marriage diplomacy is the right way or speaking my heart out.But evryone is telling me that its my fault and I appreciate that I have brought the situation to this point by letting my husband and inlaws know that I am alone in the world,telling them my weaknesses and not appreciating the truth in the first place.
All my life,I have never talked really.I have been accepting things as my fate.But now I dont wan to do it anymore.But I really dont have the courage and understanding as how to do it.
My husband wants me to sign a legal document stating everything that has happened so far in our marriage and I want to decline signing that paper as it will be his side of the story that I dont agree with.I have resisted before but he gives me no other option.I want to let him know that I think differently and that I dont agree to all of it.Yes my parents had mistakes but still that doesnot mean that I agree to what they havenot done.
I need support to do something for the first time in my life,JUST FOR ME.

I read and answered your earlier post.

What kind of a legal document?

You should never sign any legal document in the US without some kind of legal counsel. If you do not want to take the matter under advisement of a lawyer, contact a mediator.

Why are your inlaws so involved in your marriage? This is not as it should be. Perhaps you can sway your husband away from his parents by saying that his relationship with them is not sexy. His relationship with them is one of a young boy and not a man. You cannot ejoy having sex with a "young boy" You are attracted to men, not boys. This might work for you because a man cannot ever claim to know when is sexy to a woman. Naturally he will argue that this is not the case. You must convince him that this is your perception and you will never be able to fully enjoy your sex life with him otherwise. One way to do this is to calmly repeat yourself while you look him in the eyes. For example say, "I can appreciate that you feel differently, but this is how I feel." When you repeat yourself, you can change the words slightly, but stick to the same message. Be prepared to repeat yourself many times if necessary.

You may want to get a copy of the book called, "When I say No, I feel guilty." by Dr. Manuel J. Smith. This will help he train to be assertive not just with your husband, inlaws and parents, but everyone in your life.

You are entitled to have a relationship with your parents. They could be the worse parents in the world--they could be in prison. It does not matter! They are in another country so this should not be such a big deal--just a phone call or a letter now and then to let them know you are safe, happy and a good, respectful daughter. They also have a right to have a relationship with their grandchild.

You have a right to insist that your parents do not have any conversation with you that speaks ill of your husband or his parents. You must also insist that your husband and his parents do not speak ill of your parents. This is disrespectful to you. This is all you need to say to them on the matter.

You cannot control what goes on between your parents and your inlaws but you can control what you allow them to say to you. You say, "Please do not speak ill of my parents. You disrespect me when do and force me to disrespect them when I must listen to you." Of course they will argue; but you must stay calm and reiterate your statement using skills from the book I have recommended.