Hi all I'm new to the message board. I was the one who had the affair in my marriage. I had an affair with a co-worker. It only lasted a few months. The other OM still work at the same place I do but we have NC or do not see each other. I've been trying very hard to get another Job but unfortunalty I make good money where I'm at. I'm in the process of looking for work else where but not having much luck. I have $3,000 in Attorney fees i have to pay off before I can quit my job as I cannot go anywhere else and make the money I am. My husband asked me last weekend if I see or talk to the OM and I replied no. I have not spoken to him or seen him. which is the truth. How can I make him feel better. I know I'm the one who did the damage and I want to do everthing to make out marriage better and I'm 100% on board to restoring this. Any advice would be great

Hating myself for hurting my husband as I have...
Sad-USMCWIFE [color:"purple"] [/color]

You can make him feel better by getting a new job soon, even if you have to take it in another town. If you truly want your spouse to feel safe, get rid of the job. It is cruelty expecting your spouse to wonder if you are seeing the o/m or even looking at him.
I am dealing with this issue myself as the b/w. I hate it!!! I have a few more weeks of having to deal with my husband chance meetings with the o/w at his moither's assisted living facility. Luckily, she is moving out at the end of this month.

I will pray for a new job for you and the ability to restore your marriage.

how long has it ben since you found out about your hubby;s A? Are things getting better? just looking for some advice..

Being a BS, I would agree 100% with kdsheartbreak. You need to get out of the job you have....NOW! I have been trying to help my WW understand that not only does it hurt me knowing she still sees OM regularly, but seeing OM will only temp her and ultimately destroy any chance we have to save our M. She is most adimately not giving up her job which is one of the main reasons I want a seperation. She still is not willing to show me that our M, family, and children come first. I now feel that I cannot be with such a selfish person.

Again, an opinion of a BS, you can make him feel better by being 100% honest, talk to him about A and answer any and all questions he has, no matter how bad it hurts. Show him that you truly are sorry and that you are willing to do anything to save your M and family. Understand his EN and do your best to full-fill them. Ask him outright what you can do for him to help him cope with this. Listen, and do everything in your power to do the things he is asking you to do. You see, most BS like me, really do want to save their M despite being betrayed. The are just too hurt to deal with having to do all of the work while the WS is still in the fog. Their hurt skews their daily perspective and without 100% support from WS, BS will think themselves to death and just give up to save themselves, (as I have). Tell your H daily how you feel about him and how important your M and family are to you. Not only tell him, show him with your actions.

This is what I wish(ed) my WW would (have) do anyhow.

Luz

SAD,

How about filling us in on your story. How long have you been married? Do you two have children? How long has your H known? How did he find out? How is recovery going? What are the problems you two are struggling with now? These sorts of things help us to reply in a more helpful way.

God Bless,

JL

Justlearning- well he found out about my A in July and I ended the A after it was discovered. I still work with the OM but I never see him nor do I want too. I'm looking for a new job ASAP. so it's still very fresh. We have been married for 2 yrs and most of that he has been deployed in Iraq. We have a 2yr. old daughter. My H found out due to some emails on my computer. Recovery is ok...I was in the fog for a couple of months and now it has cleared and I'm doing everything I can do ensure my M will improve. we are struggling now with the trsut and if I can change which I know I can and will. but for him that will take time. I hate what I've done and caused. I started to file for Divorce and then woke up saying what are you doing! I know have $3,000 to pay off in lawyers bills once I pay them off we have agreed to me being a stay home mom. but until I find a new job or pay off my debt we are not in a postion to quit and H understands that but I think it will ease his mind if I completley had NC with OM. I'm truely remorseful for what I've done my H,family and Marriage. I really want to fix my M. I hope this sheds more light onto it..