It has been over a week since my last post. Been reading Steves book an trying to apply things to my situation. I know H had contact with ow Friday. I had called his place of employment to see if he wanted to meet for lunch an he was in her department. He told me he just ran into her, an ask how she was doing. Now my question is how r we doing? I ask my employer for a list of mc in our area, This sevice is free to me since i work for mental health agency. Called H today an ask again if he would go to mc, He stated he quessed but didnt sound like he meant it. Should i go alone? does contact mean you now have new D day? Please advice as I feel im doing this all wrong. H seems distant an moody and I m really at loss of what to do. My nerves r raw from all this.... I never dreamed that I would ever be in this emotional state.

Glad you here looking for support. I'm not one of the wise ones. But if you can get counseling for free....go for it..even if WH does not join you right away. As far as the contact thing...I don't know. It doesn't mean the A has restarted...but was it really over? If A is over and he is still in contact you need to be on guard, recovery can't begin until NC is well established.

Keep posting I'm sure the wise ones will be here shortly.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html blue, not sure if you saw this section, it might be helpful to review. also it might be helpful for you to look at http://dearpeggy.com/affairsmenu.html might help you get a handle on whats common and what's not when dealing w/this crap. smart to stay w/the experts advice more than the population here when first starting out. we are good at telling you what worked for us, but not what is best for you. Steve is great coach to work as a go between for you and your husband. doesn't sound like you guys have hammered everything out yet due to the fact that he still sees her at work. Dr. Harley would recommend severing ties w/that job or transferring. if not the affair will stay alive in everyone's mind for much longer than necessary.

if your h is willing to get off the fence and work on your marriage he should have no problem doing homework on how to reconcile your marriage. i began by printing every single section out and studying it w/my husband. we went to seminar too and have free access to dr harley to ask questions. we are far from perfect but our journey (19months) has been a long one. I can honestly say our marriage is the envy of most people i am friends w/, they don't even have the first clue.

i didn't get married and have children to hang out w/my girlfriends and go to bars and shopping etc.... i chose to invest all of my time and energy on my marriage and not to mention how this is helpful in other relationships.

I am sure your brain is swirling, there are many places to start such as the above and implementing boundaries (boundaries by dr cloud and townsend), but first and foremost you have to find out if h is willing to jump on the wagon or if you need to roll on out w/out him.