Ok, I'll also add that all that is true above my post, YES!!! safety should be your first concern. My experience has been good tho with online dating thankfully.

I THINK I want a long term relationship...maybe I'm not all the way ready for it yet. The problem is more that "I" am the one preventing myself from getting into a long term relationship. It's not that there aren't quality men online. I think the reason your relationships don't last long from online is because you meet SO MANY more people from online than you would normally meet in regular everyday life. It's a matter of clicking with that "one". I'm so picky, and I don't want to settle. But that mindset is more from my divorce and all I went thru in my marriage than being from any aspect of online dating.

Hey, SillyGrins, would you mind sending me the "special" sites? I'm in the same boat. X gave me herpes. I'm on valtrex now, but my knowledge is soooo limited. And I'm pretty much freaked out by the whole dating thing. For example, when would I bring it up? The first date is too soon, but six months later when you're naked is way too late.

You can send me an email if you like. [email]Greengablesmb@hotmail.com.[/email] Thanks.

I met lots of men on line, and never had a problem with any of them. You just have to be careful, and check things out. I always talked for a couple weeks on the phone before meeting. Then met them in a public place.

I think it is just as dangerous meeting someone in church. A weirdo is a weirdo, and they can be anywhere.

I met an electrical engineer who I am still friends with, a guy that owned his own restaurant, an electrician, a teacher, a guy in the Navy, a pipefitter, a counselor, and a environmental specialist. I met a guy whose wife had just died, who wanted to get married to me. By the way, the next woman he dated, he married, and they are still happily married.

When you talk to people, you can figure out what's up. I did meet a lot of guys who were ending relationships who went back to the relationship, though.

I didn't marry any of them. I met someone IRL. But I don't regret the time I spent. I went out to eat, out dancing, to the zoo, on a sailboat to Catalina Island, camping, horseback riding, to football games, and even got a personal tour of the nuclear plant.

Hi Greengables, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> take heart, I've emailed you. It's a little long but that's only cuz I'm a BLABBER MOUTH. haha!

Cool believer!! And know what else...before I began dating online, I was so defeated. I was convinced that I was old and frumpy and who'd want me now that my ex gave me an std. I found out how WRONG I was. I've made so many wonderful friends and I am more confident in my life now than I've ever been before. You take from it what you need, whether you want a long term relationship or just to go out and have fun and feel alive and beautiful again, cuz guess what, YOU ARE.

Just.........BE CAREFUL, keep safe, get to know as much about the other person as you can first. Do a background check if you want. I happen to know people did them on me, tho they won't admit it, HAH! Don't go out without letting others know where you are and with names, phone numbers, addresses, work places, all the VERIFIED info you can tell other people about that person you date before you go out with him/her. I hate to hear about people having been raped, just horrifying.

Wow, SillyGrins! Four years of online and have dated a zillion men and not a single keeper among them? Sorry, but that makes me cringe! Glad you are having fun. Is what you are doing any different for what those men who are playing and don't want a LTR? I cannot believe that in four years and so many men you would not have found someone compatible. Unless, of course, online dating simply doesn't work.

If I ever learned that a woman had done a background check on me without first obtaining my permission to do so, I would end the relationship on the spot! Being careful is one thing, but invading my privacy is another. When I date someone, I don't grant them carte blance to poke around in my private affairs. This is just another example to me of how online dating is all screwed up.

About herpes simplex .... As you get older, your immune system adjusts and acute outbreaks are less and less severe and occur less frequently. Eventually, most people stop having outbreaks all together unless your immune system gets knocked down pretty badly.

Well, this is what I refer to as making dating a "way of life". This is what I see a lot of out there in the dating world - people who have "dated" so long that they become professional daters - why settle or stop?

There is way too much fun out there to be had. Most of them will tell you that they do want to have a monogamous relationship at some point, but I think that people who multiple date for years, end up too caught up in the fun of dating to ever go from dating to a monogamous relationship, with all the pressures that go along with it. Let's face it, relationships are much more difficult than dating, many people who date for too long become unwilling or unable to make that transition.

AGG

Wow, sounds like a bit of self-righteous ideology going on here. Didn't know it wasn't ok to be a mere human being on this thread. Next time, I'll make sure I put my opinions on threads that relate to real people. Not everyone in this world comes from the same mold, but if you want to take us all and sort us into your little categories, have at it.

You don't know me or what I want. I've been very picky all my whole entire life from day 1, not just now. The way I am is not a result of online dating...puuullleeaase!! Why should I have to compromise NOW that I'm in my 40's when I never had before. I don't like all the categorizing of people, other fellow human beings, as professional daters or whatever.

I don't necessarily want a long term relationship right now. I'm not ready for it and I know it, but I will go out and meet people. It keeps my mind healthy and positive, rather than sitting in the house being a hermit. I'm a very social person. What is wrong with going out with friends and meeting people, unless of course you are assuming it's always a sex fest. In my case I have herpes, I have made the decision that the person I'll be with will have it also. It takes a bit more dating for me in particular to find what I need and I don't just blurt that kind of news right off the bat. It's a tough thing to deal with. On my other websites with like men, they all happen to be from other states and that is difficult to maintain a relationship, and I've met keepers, the long distance killed it mostly. Then you're back to square one, and dating another long distance person. So you see there are MANY more factors involved than your short-sighted little categories take into account.

Plus... I HAVE KIDS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD and a non-existent ex in their lives. Add that factor into the dating at 40 mix. Kids can really kill a budding relationship, then guess what, you're back to square one again. It's got nothing to do with being unwilling or unable to settle.

My point is don't make such SIMPLE ideologic and quick judgments on people on issues that can be very complicated. Just let people speak and give them the support you can, that's what we're here for. I applaud anyone who can deal with their cards in the best way that makes them happiest. I also trust them to be able to MAKE the changes the WANT to make. Not everyone wants what you want.

You are right, my post did sound like I was critical of you, and for that I apologize. I did not mean to criticize you or your choices.

My intent was to apply your post to the numerous recent discussions we have had on this board, about the difference between dating as a means to find the right person vs dating for the sake of dating or having fun. A lot of people say they are looking for a mate but then get into the "fun dating", and I believe that that leads to problems.

The reason I quoted your words was not to criticize you but simply to use them as an example of what "dating for the sake of dating" is, compared to the dating in order to find a mate. But I realize that my words sounded judgemental, and I apologize.

I have always said that to each their own. Where I do get concerned is when I see people who say they are looking for a partner get into the "fun dating" mode. It sounds like dating is all you are looking for at the present, so no complaints from my end <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

Hey AGG, nevermind me! sorry!

Know what...I'm the biggest over-exaggerater in the whole world!! <<< haha, see what I mean!? Who in their right mind would think I've actually dated ZILLIONS of men? When I said Zillions but not Buzzillions, that means I've dated a good bit, but nowhere near a crazy amount.

But I do love people and almost every single person I've met online is still a friend and I try to maintain those relationships even tho they didn't blossom into something with fireworks. I have plenty of friends, as well as you guys probably do, that have met and married people they met online. God bless them. Time will tell if it works, but I think the chances are just as good as meeting someone at the K-Mart.

Reading back over this, I can see nothing that would have set you off on that defensive rant, SillyGrins.

When you say that you've been hard to please from day one and that you never compromise, is this just another "buzillion" exaggeration or is this the way you are? I hope that you are exaggerating, because these two qualities alone are completely inconsistent with successful relationships.

It is not a false categorization to say that there are men out there who are professional daters. I know some of these men. They are pros online and just as soon as whoever it is they are dating start having feelings for them, they drop her like a bad habit. They hurt woman after woman and they don't care as long as they have a good time.

Yeah whatever. More judgment on someone you have no clue about. When someone uses your quotes and then begins going on about serial daters who are incapable of committing, you kind of assume they're talking about you. If ya don't want people to go off, don't quote them. I guess if someone used your quotes, and then made a bunch of statements, you wouldn't think they were throwing judgments at you too. And maybe you're ok with that, I don't appreciate it. And a quiet sit in the corner and bite your tongue kind a girl I AM NOT. I find that to be a very irritating feature of these boards, the "quote" feature. But after his last post, I have no problem with GoodGuy either, he means well and I understand what he meant and so it's cool.

You are the one that says I'm hard to please. Your words. I said I'm picky, meaning I have a choice, different concepts. When I'm ready, I know what I want and don't want. The men who have what I want know I'm a sweetie and very easy to please. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I never said I don't compromise, you did. But I won't SETTLE for someone who doesn't have the traits that are important to me, compromising comes in at a more intimate level. I've dated a lot and haven't dropped anyone like a bad habit, all but one weirdo. I still date a lot of them on a friend basis. I adore them.

It just seems you are very willing to throw everyone who dates a lot into this professional dater thing, when there's more issues and reasons for it than just being a player. Not everyone is out to fill up a score card, there are other circumstances. Yes there are players, but that's a human phenomenon, not an online dating phenomenon. You could meet a player in the grocery store...by the way which is the POINT of this whole thread. Is online dating a good thing? I say what's the difference? You meet the same people online as you would not online, just in bigger numbers. This real issue is being smart and safe.

SG, you have to be kidding!

"Yeah whatever. More judgment on someone you have no clue about."

You are the only one being judgemental, my dear. Neither AGG nor I have judged you or anyone else in anyway, you only percieve us as being judgemental because we aren't in lock step with you.

"You are the one that says I'm hard to please. Your words. "

No, they are YOUR words. Read your own post again! You , not me nor anyone else, wrote: "I've been very picky all my whole entire life from day 1, not just now."

"It just seems you are very willing to throw everyone who dates a lot into this professional dater thing, when there's more issues and reasons for it than just being a player."

No, no one, not a single person, has said this. We only said that there are professional daters to be found online and that they play women. There are and they do and your absurd denial of this will not make it any less true. If you really have been online dating and met "zillions" of men, you would have hit up upon a few of them. Or perhaps you are as astute a dater as you would have us believe and don't know when you are being played. You are deliberately twisting people's words and, in doing so have destroyed your credibility.

SillyGrins, you have some sort of a problem and I don't know what it is because, as you say, I no nothing about you. But I do know that you have a nasty attitude, are oppositional, and that you are only trying to pick a fight with someone. Whatever. Hope it makes you happy. Go date online forever, and stop defending yourself. Because in the end, no one here really cares what you do. It's your life to do with as you please.

Check, you are the one changing my words to pick a fight. "Hard to please" and "won't compromise" conjures up a more negative image than picky and not settling, which were my words. You are the one grabbing quotes, changing the meaning and analyzing every syllable. If that's not judgmental I don't know what is. I haven't put up any quotes to analyze anyone. I posted here originally to encourage. You seem to be the negative draw on this thread if you read back all your posts. I've not attacked anyone's ideas other than to defend myself. And you said it yourself, stop defending myself? WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?!! Quit going on the offensive and analyzing me as if you know it all. How many of your thoughts here did I quote and attack? Only the ones directed at me personally.

As far as I see it, my first post was a positive one because I've had very positive experiences from online dating. I also NEVER said there aren't players and never denied it either, again you putting words in my mouth. Again you're quoting me above and twisting it yourself. The professional dater quote you once again used above was because originally I was quoted by someone else, with what seemed to me to intend to make it seem that I was a professional dater as if y'all need to beware or of people like me or something. That was what I thought the intent was, but the person who quoted me didn't mean it that way. I'm ok with that, he said his piece and I get it, but then you jumped in on me, I didn't jump in on you. Whose the oppositional one? About players, I clearly stated there are lots of them but you'll find them anywhere in life, not just online. Of course I've run into players. I tend to be a player magnet which is obviously the most discouraging thing about online dating, I'm well aware of the player factor. But women who are careful can spot them and like I advised, you have to be always think of your safety (if anything, do it for your kids sakes!), because they can be very charming. They aren't the majority tho and I still say the online experience has been mostly a good one.

Of course I'm going to be oppositional if you like to twist what I say for your purposes, and then claim I'm twisting. People always accuse you of the very things they do.

I didn't change anything, but posted an exact quote from your own post - cut and paste. So you are a liar. SillyGrins, take it elsewhere. No one here needs your garbage.

And anyone can see from your cut and paste that you did change my words and replace with your own version. You needed to drop it and butt out posts ago when the misunderstanding between me and someone else was already resolved and you decided to throw gasoline on it and put yourself in the middle.

Yes, now I'm done with your garbage.

And I thank everyone else for not doing the same and jumping into this. I apologize to Luckystar and am very sorry for what happened to your thread, hopefully people will go on and talk about their own online dating experiences.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />