My wife and I have been married for 17 years with 3 children.

I have tried countless times to get her to agree to ANY kind of a budget. I merely want her to let me know what she is comfortable with, then let's stick to it.....for planning purposes. No matter what concessions are made and how much we would budget (VISA bill, for example)... She thinks that I am trying to control her; therefore, she goes out and spends even more. She has issues that concern her as in my ability to be romantic, or my ability to look like a gym icon... I am working on the former, but the latter is not really of interest to me. How do we gain some sort of agreement on finances. I make a modest amount of money and our visa bill is close to $5000 per month. Up from $2000 per month last year when I was making the same income. My wife quit her job last year, so things have been tight. I NEED SOME HELP>

$5000. a month for a credit card payment? And she thinks you are controlling? She desperately needs some counseling. This is a HUGE threat to your marriage.

In all 17 years, I have never paid one single penny of finance charge. We could manage the $2000 per month on my salary (I put everything on the card); however, this spending frenzy is putting our savings, kids college savings, future car purchase savings....all in jeopardy. She only recently agreed that we would go to counseling together. Everytime that I mention money, she goes through the roof. Tough one to solve. We are both going to independent counselors and hope to go together within the next month or two. I have been working on my end toward doing the little things (nice cards, activities she likes, keeping a positive attitude). Hope it works for me.

I suggest you nip it in the bud. Like now. Insist on counseling together. My husband was a compulsive spender, and I let it go. He continued to spend, and then when we were in terrible trouble, he left for another woman. I ended up filing for bankruptcy.

She may be using buying things to meet emotional needs that you are not meeting. Read the emotional needs questionnaire here.

Well, you do this:

Destroy the card, end the "joint liablity" on the card. (All you have to do is call the credit card company.) Give her $1000 a month to spend as she wishes, without ANY question from you. Don't co-sign for another card. Get separate checking accounts, take her name off your checking account, and and let her do what she wants. Don't bail her out if she gets in trouble.

You are approaching this logically, while this is an emotional issue for your W. So you and she aren't communicating at all. (By the way, just because you are approaching this logically doesn't make you right.)

I would cancel her card until she could get a handle on it. Or
give her some type of allowance which she does not have to account for.

I also thought about just cutting up the card or cancelling the account. However, that would probably be seen as controlling and a huge LB. What about putting a lower credit limit on it?

Why do you want her to have a card? What is the problem with giving her the money in cash and letting her manage it?

Canceling the card... in this situation.... or putting a lower limit on the card.... will probably only defer the problem to another "hot spot", but I appreciate the feedback.

Two of you spoke of meeting her emotional needs... and that is where I am currently investing my time. I can probably endure the spending patterns for another month. At that time, she has indicated that we will go together to counseling. I am in hopes that our counselor can help us manage this issue to a MUTUAL JOINT AGREEMENT.

Even this website from Dr. Harley recommends keeping joint accounts (don't initiate the division) That is the track that I am on now.

I also agree, that if we don't get a handle on it..... then the spicket will have to be turned off one way or the other.

Any other counsel.

JimmyMac,

Good feedback.

The card is sort of treated like cash anyway (as I pay it completely off each month)

You are on the mark about my logical thinking may not be right......that is why I am going to a licensed counselor to get his opinion and advice. The emotional needs issue did come up...