My full story is on the 'What's going on in his head?' thread on Just Found Out.

Quick recap. WH has told me he does not want to reconcile 2 weeks after DDay. He wants to move out permantly (he already left the house) would like for my children and I to remain in the house. His salary can't maintain this however so he suggested we put the house on the market and he wants me to have ALL the proceeds of sale so I can stay in the area (sons school etc)

I've more or less taken the decision to protect mine and my childrens financial security ASAP. I've been warned that further down the line he may change his mind and I'll end up with just half. So I feel I must stike whilst the iron's hot. Waiting on this one to see how it pans out risks me coming out of it in not very good financial shape at all. Of course that could still happen even if I do persue a D now.

The situation is more complex than I thought on taking my lawyers advice. It's not just a simple as the house sale but pensions etc to be taken into consideration. Unless there is the finality of D a legal seperation means that financial claims from him can still take place. (UK law) WH has stated he does NOT want a D.

I'm still reeling from the fact my life has been turned upside down in 2 weeks. I just wish I had the luxury of waiting until he wakes up from the fog. I still want to reconcile but now find myself torn between my heart and the practicalities of securing a future for myself and my children.

I'm starting on Plan A but now feel financially I have to ge straight to Plan D.

WH does not seem to realise fully the implications of his actions. He has no plans for the future and typically takes the 'I'll cross that bridge when I come to it' approach.

I think I'm as confused as he is!! D is a massive, massive step so soon.

Your wisdom and experience on this will be much appreciated.

1WW - I am so sorry you are in this. It really stinks. I would definetly secure for my and my childrens future. If he says he will give you everything from proceeds of sale of property I would strike now. I would have your attorney write some agreement up today and have him sing it in front of him. Air tight agreement. Then have your attorney keep it in his office for safe keeping. The pension items can wait a while. The D does not have to take place immediately that can wait. Let him soak up what he has asked for to see how it really will be. Alot of WS relaize that what they thought they wanted was really not what they REALLY want in time.

Thanks for your reply.

I've been looking into this further and it seems under UK law pursuing the sale of the house and legally seperating our finances will mean I'll be ultimately setting the stage for D. It would seem that W normally file for legal seperation but H lawyers almost always suggest D unless there are religous grounds not to (There are none in our case)

Even the first instance of creating a seperation agreement is not neccesarily air tight as WH could always come back and contest it particularly as it would heavily be in my favour.

So there is no simple solution here (why did I think there would be!)

Still at least if the wheels are set in motion it doesn't mean to say they can't be stopped and it's not all going to happen at once.

Can you be in plan A and D at the same time? That's what seems to be about to happen here.