The OW is getting desparate. Expect her to fake her pregnancy and yank his strings. The OW in our case faked 3 pregos. Even tried to get $$ for the 2nd one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Now if you can't handle this anymore (sure w/b hard for anyone), you need to work on your plan B ASAP. Can you call Steve @ MB?

L.

Exposed to her parents by email. Short note, and forwarded the email she sent to WH!

Had telephone call from H yesterday asking me not to contact OWs parents again - her father has heart condition. I explained that I thought they had a right to know the 'truth' and wouldn't contact them again.

Seems to have been a good shot. H wants to meet all the things on my Plan B boundaries list - and even wants to add a few more conditions to it!!! (has that ever happened to anyone before?). OW now seems clear that she wants nothing more to do with my H! Hurrah!

Apparently my fish died today. H rang to tell me about it. Because of the events of earlier, we had a relatively long chat. Things seem more in focus, and I think we might be moving in the right direction.

Not counting my chickens yet, but here we go again. Not letting my defences down just yet, but waiting hopefully ...

thanks to all who provided wise and calming words just when I needed them

unhappy_badger

wow, badger!

I am happy for you!

You do realize that you are now in a very advantageous position for setting the conditions and boundaries for recovery, don't you? Make a list of requirements to make you feel safe. It should include things like:

1. Extreme measures for ensuring NC with OP.
2. Accessable means for you to control that NC with OP continues.
3. FWS takes COMPLETE responsibility for the affair and releases you of all blame.
4. EN questionaire gets filled out by both of you.
5. A PLAN for recovery and for meeting eachother's most important EN.
6. Policy of joint agreement.

Godspeed. I hope your M will be the newest success story here! We are all cheering!

Unhappy-Budger,

Things sound good and I'm glad for you. You have taken the right step by exposing to her parents and it seems you have already started to reap the benefits from it. Good for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I hope things will progress positively, but as you have said, it will be a good thing to not let your defenses down too early.... Maybe you can also say to your H that you have sympathy for OW's farther’s heart condition, but that it will NOT prevent you from contacting her parents again if necessary because they deserve the truth above anything else. If the OW is really concerned about her father’s heart condition, she must make sure to leave your H alone and not contact him again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm holding thumbs for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Take care and blessings,
Suzet

Well it's a start.

BTW, if the OW is really worried about her father's heart condition, she wouldn't be having an A.

So don't worry about your contact setting stuff off. It is just one of the consquences due to the OP's actions. Idiotic A participants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Now what you need to watch out for is if his meeting your requirements is being done for the right reasons.

Doing the right things for the wrong reasons usually doesn't produce good lasting results.

I would now question his motives. Not too harsh but not too obliging.

JMHO,
L.

Thanks again everyone for the positive words.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to make any decisions on my own again!

At the moment we're taking things very slowly. I'm still at my parents, but H and I are talking briefly every night. As I said, he says he can meet every requirement on my list (but would like to change counsellor!).

He does sound considerably more genuine this time. I think my leaving, and leaving my wedding rings, really hit home that I wasn't just going to sit around and take it. OW has also shown quite a nasty hand this week, especially since I exposed to her parents, and I think that has helped. He no longer sits around imagining her there waiting for him, so his willpower to stay away from her is easier to deal with.

I do still believe that he always wanted to sort out our marriage. I, unlike others, never heard that he wanted to be with her over me in the long term.

Something about this time feels very different. Now he is thinking about what I would like him to do to make things better, rather than just waiting for what I tell him he MUST do. He's even read the print outs from this site that I left for him, and made some suggestions of his own about getting some books. Hopefully this is an early indicator that we are now both working on it, not just me.

Orchid - I think I will always question his motives, but I do feel that these are steps in the right direction. It feels worth another investment of myself to believe him - obviously with verification. I've survived this, so if it all comes crashing down, then I know that I gave it my best shot, and I know I'll be ok (parents' support is great, isn't it - even at 32!)

Thanks again - I'll keep you all updated

unhappy_badger