Hi ,
I have been posting here for over 2 months now.
My ww has been engaged in an affair for 2.5 months. I exposed the affair in the first week and tried to planA with her here. She bailed and moved to her sisters house 2.5 weeks ago. she gave me a good bye letter complete with cop outs and babble about why she didn't want to work on our marriage. You know , feelings and reasoning being confused as the same thing. i am sure some of you have heard it. "I love you but I am not in love with you". anyway her affair continues and I don't know if I should stick to discussing only business or respond to her letter??
I want tyo respond so bad ,but I am afraid of saying the wrong things and don't want to just babble about feelings, because that is not what it's about really.
Any advice would help.

kdh,

Do nothing. It is no more truthful or accurate than a 1 year weather forecast.

I hear you. I know it's all just babble to continue seeing this cockroach. .

blah blah <puts gun to head> blah blah boom!

Sweet Jesus!

Sorry about that kdh. You've got a rough road ahead it seems. Try not to respond to her insanity. What does she say about legal separation or divorce?

She wants to divorce now. she wanted to seperate and work on the relationship from a distance. Right, more like keep seeing om. I knew this and tried to keep her around for awhile, but she kept running off and returnig when she relised there was no where to go where someone would support her affair. She moved back in with me for a few days and purposely left a love letter for me to find. This a few days after finding out om was lying about being married.DUH. At this point I just couldn't take it anymore. The staying out all night , lying, cheating was just too pianfull. I knew she was doing all this to make a seperation possible, but I snapped and asked her not to return home from a trip with her family. Maybe that was a mistake but honestly I was on the verge of chocking her and I didn't want that (let me clarify I have never laid a hand on or been abusive to my wife and didn't want to start).
so She tried to move in with a friend that didn't support her affair. she then went to the last possible resort, her younger sister (6 of them) because she knew ahe wouldn't interfere with her affair (family dynamics , younger sisters never question or tell older sisters what to do or set boundries).The sister told me recently that she is never there and is staying with om whenever she can.
she has removed her ring and is going out to bars and seeing om frequently now. we still talk about business matters, selling of house, bills ect..
It's frustrating because we have only been seperated for two weeks and she is already willing to just throw in the towel on our marriage. everything she says is contradictory to another statement:
"I can't get my feelings back in two weeks" (before we seperated) Then 2 weeks into a false recovery: "I want to seperate". Then "two weeks into seperation "I want to move foward and get a divorce".
I don't know I am ready to just give up and let her screw up her damn life. we don't have kids so i can start over without that problem (although very scary).I just don't want to regret that we never had a chnace to repair our marriage at all. the real wife i married is there somewhere I just can't accept that person is gone forever. Am i just torturing myself needlessly??

You might be torturing yourself. There comes a point where we do all we can but we can't control other people's behavior.

Looks like the ball is in her court. What else can you do? I don't have any divorce experience or knowledge...

kdh, just stick to your plan and stay with your Plan A. Her letter is all fog talk. If she wants a divorce, make her do all the work.

kdh,

So was it a "good by cruel world" sort of letter? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Was it filled with self-pity, sorrow, drama, all of that good stuff someone doing wrong always focuses on? Steady as she goes KDH. Listen to Mel. This is a lot like fishing, even when you hook them there is still a fight. So put some slack in the line, get comfortable and see if you can wear that sucker out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Treat yourself with respect, care, and realize that she has no clue to what she is doing. She may well divorce you, who is to know, but until you decide to divorce her, remember you are fishing and you hae ALL DAY. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL

Thanks all. I am going to hang in there to the end. The hardest thing is dealing with lonliness and wanting to seek female companoinship myself. I do know that I need to learn to be alone in case this ends in divorce so that is part of my plan A.