Well where should i begin here,last night i sent an e-mail to other man whom i have talked to for 1 year now.We only met f2f 1 time for 3 days which were wonderful,but we talked daily on the phone for several months a couple of times a day.I loved him with all my heart and i know before any of you say this was a fantasy it was nothing like that.I felt something i didn't ever feel with hubby even in the start 19 years ago,he had opinions something which hubby didn't,he just went along with what ever i said.We talked for hours and he was so funny i enjoyed him a lot,i know he wasn't perfect as nobody is but i felt he was the perfect one for me.Hubby found out everything 3 months ago and since then has made a total change and been so attentive,caring,affectionate,etc.etc...i tried to stop all contact with om when hubby found out i lasted a week and a half and missed him so bad i called him again.He has never told me to leave hubby or pushed me into anything but told me he wants for me to be happy with what ever i do.Well 2 days ago hubby found out we were talking again and was devastated( i don't blame him)he said this couldn't go on that it was tearing us both apart and said he needed to know what i wanted to do.I said i will stay in marriage and give up carter,i cried buckets and had to call in sick to work today as my eyes were so swollen,i have never cried so much in my life.I told hubby i don't know how i could live without om not in my life and he said he would be there to help me.I still don't know if this is what i wanted but maybe because hurt is so fresh i am confused,i need to know i gave it my best try in my marriage as i am not heartless and could never live with the fact i left for another man but i left because i was unhappy in my marriage.Hubby is a good guy and always has been but there has been something missing for last few years and well..this is the result.He is so sorry for not taking me serious 5 years ago when i would tell him how i feel....i have to live with the fact i hurt him for the rest of my life,thank god kids know nothing so i am ok there.This is going to be a real long road ahead and i hope i am strong enough to get through it,but i know the right thing to do is give this marriage an honest try with otherman out of the picture....well sorry for rambling but i am so very sad i needed to talk.......;-( ~JANICE~

I just read your message Janice, and I've had a similar experience just recently...I'm also in Saskatchewan, if you would like to contact me via email, I will do my best to help you thru this...BlackJade_@hotmail.com...will be looking forward to hearing from you.

Hi Janice,<P>I've seen you post a few times. I know your pain and I share it. I also know what you're talking about when you say it was no fantasy. I feel that way too. The fantasy part is not the love you felt. That part was very real for me. The fantasy is the idea that you'll be so much happier in life with the OP then with your spouse.<P>I've been on a weird lonely rollercoaster lately. My wife and I are basically doing very well. She is trying very hard to make our relationship work. And I in turn and doing my part as well. But I always come back to the fact that I don't love her. Not the way I should anyway. But I'm hoping that those feelings will come in time. Gawd I hope so!! Because there are days (like today) where I feel so loney and depressed. Arrgh!!! I posted last week about how frustrated I was about this feeling. Well, dammit! I'm still frustrated. Fudge!! I hate this so much.<P>--andy

chatwithu35:<P>Just wanted to let you know that your H sounds like an incredible man! I know how hard it is to give up the OM, but try focusing all the energy you have spent in your relationship with him into your relationship with your H. I'll bet you find that he's everything you ever wanted and more!!<P>Are you using the MB principles? Are you in counseling? I hope you and your H find your way to the marriage that God wants you to have.<P> <P>Singer

chat,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>i hope i am strong enough to get through it<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>If you’re not, then lean on your Husband! That’s one of the many reasons you married him!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Thanx to all of you so far,yes airheart i sure sound a lot like you do,so how goes life with you?Does your wife also come here to MB?I am getting a lot of support from hubby,i can be fine 1 minute and crying the next and hubby is right there to hug me or bring me kleenex.I am taking this 1 day at a time and trying to give my marriage an honest try with om out of my life(not out of my mind yet though)I will not make a promise to anyone as i don't know where this will lead but i can give it my best shot,and if things don't feel any better to me then its not fair to hubby to only have a peice of my heart,he is a good man and deserves it all.......so until tomorrow take care everyone..i am trying to stay real busy...JANICE

Hi Janice,<P>I just wanted to say that I struggle with your same feelings. I know where you are right now. I never felt like my feelings for the OM were fantasy. They were the most real thing I have ever felt in my life. I was able to let down all walls and barriers and communicate with him like I have never been able to with anyone else. I have never felt for my husband like I felt for him. But yet, I know that it was WRONG. It will not help me to try and not deal with my problems and just move to a new mate. I am dealing with now trying to stop all contact before I am like you, and hurt my husband again. I know what is best, I know what the right thing to do is, but as I am sure you know, having the courage to do it is a total different thing. I feel just like you after a few days, so lonely.<P>I don't have any real words of wisdom. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Maybe if we hang in there and support each other we can do it. Good Luck!!

TO SUSAN:Thanx for reply......i would love to stay in touch with you so please feel free to e-mail me ok......JANICE

Well here i am almost a month later that i said bye to om and still miss him an anwful lot,i deleted him from my icq but its easy to look up a person by their e-mail to see if they are online or not and when i see him online i message him but he doesn't reply to me,i bugged him for awhile at the start to why he wouldn't reply and he said i made a decision so he has to be a man about it and not reply to me as it hurts us both,i really respect him for that.But at the same time i miss our friendship we had we were so close,closer than i have ever been with anyone in my life.......;-( Anyone also going through this and having hard times......thanx JANICE......;-)

Janice,<P>I feel exactly the same today... we just need to hold on! I will write more via email.

You almost sound exactly like my W. Almost.<P>I feel sorry for your H and you. Him for for what this has done and you for not being able to give this up. Keep trying<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

chatwithu35 - You said goodbye (twice).<BR>Now don't look back. If you do it again you might as well just blow your husband's brains out. You said your husband didn't hear you when you tried to communicate your needs and feelings years ago. I'll bet you both were poor listeners and communicators. I also bet that with some work you will find your H can meet all the needs the om did - and more.<p>[This message has been edited by Simone (edited October 25, 1999).]

I've been wondering how you were doing.<P>You've almost come to the end of the line in contacting the OM...at this poin there's nothing left to say.<P>Be strong...contact will only bring you back to withdrawal...you can do it and be happy again. Yeah, I know you were really close friends with the OM...that seems to be the concensus with most betrayers on this board. You don't have to be friends with this man to be a whole person...it just isn't necessary...you can live without his friendship.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But at the same time i miss our friendship we had we were so close,closer than i have ever been with anyone in my life<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>And yet you got married to a man you didn't feel close too? The feelings you seem to have felt for the om, you most probably did feel for your husband at one time. But with the om it was all on the sly and it got your adreneline pumping so it only <I>seemed</I> more exciting.<P>These lines are used so much by the betrayer. And after a year or two most seem to reneg on them after they see the fallacies of the affair. Most marriages were not as bad as they are made out to be, until the affair begins, then the betrayer feels the need to try & justify it.<P>I'm glad you have not been in contact with the om. Do not look to see if he is online. Do not send him any emails. <B>ANY</B> contact will only make you suffer longer than you need to.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

One month later, and I am still right here with you in the same boat. Keep rowing, don't give up. We can do this!!!!

To susan;Do i have your e-mail address i would love to communicate with you very much.You can trust me okay thanx..JANICE.....;-)

Thank god we do not have to go thru this alone!!! I am in the same boat, but I am DETERMINED not to let this get the better of me. It is good to know that there is some support. I will try to keep VERY BUSY and reconnect w/ my H. Good luck to the both of you. I will be checking