What are the chances of a marriage that started out of sex (no kissing) where both people are married, divorced thier spouses to be together end up working? Especially knowing now that the way the marriage started out was wrong and the man has now fallen in love with a woman who loves him for him and no sex is involved PLEASE HELP!
P.S if I posted in the wrong area please forgive it's my first time here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Why do you ask? Which member of the above party are you?

According to Dr. Phil and everything I've heard & read, a M that starts out as an A has less than a 5% chance of succeeding.

If the man got married to OW after cheating on Wife #1, then now is "in love" (EA) with woman #3 (OW#2) I would say this guy is a really bad bet for a stable relationship.

Yes his M started out wrong. But this current EA (Emotional Affair) is wrong too. Same deal.

I am the EA but quit my job to get away and it has caused me financial hardship. I still love this man but i had to do the right thing. He told me he wants to marry me if he ever gets divorced he has never had a woman love him for him. His first wife cheated on him so to get back he cheated on her with second wife and all she wanted was sex with no kissing and they married 2yrs later after a baby. I walked into this relationship after he was training me. I have never been in such pain in my life. We just had our EN met and "fell in love" he is one of three men who has ever told me they love me but i had to get away to heal.

You are doing the right thing. Tell yourself that. The guy is bad news with a capital B. Go find someone unattached who doesn't cheat for your EN.

thank you so much larry for the good word. I don't want to bash this man he is a good person just very confused and since God is not the author of confusion then it was best that I focus on that.

You are so right, God is NOT the author of confusion.

You were right to quit your job.

You don't even know yet how much of a favor you have done for yourself.

Someday, you will meet the right AVAILABLE man, it won't be painful or confusing, and you'll be so glad you did the right thing. Stay the course!!!!!!!!

doing the right thing is not always easy. I am in such bad financial shape. If I knew then what I know now I would have never been so stupid and nieve I have never had a man make me feel the way this man made me feel not even my ex husband and I never loved another man the way I loved my husband (the man and I were both christians so we related on a different level) I bet his life is just wonderful because his bills are getting paid and mine are not. I never thought I would be out of work this long maybe God is punishing me because it feels like it. I have a job pending but only he knows when it will come open. I am sinking deeper in debt daily just please pray for me.

PS what is a false recovery?

False recovery - he ended the A, moved home, told the kids he would NEVER leave again, and then started the A back up again with the same OW after 2 months of "recovery" and kept it a secret for 2 more months. I.E. thought we were in recovery, really the affair was still ongoing. I realize now it never ended even when they weren't sleeping together.

At any rate, if you are a Christian then I recommend Streams in the Desert as a daily devotional for you. God isn't punishing you but He does want you to rely on Him for your needs to be met. He is trying to teach you something, you have to pray about what that is.

God has a better plan for you then being with a married man.

What happened in your M that he is now your ex?

my exhusband and i divorced due to his constant verbal abuse. Nothing I did was good enough for him ironically we are always around each other now. if he gets on my nerves i send him home I still love him but not enough to be married to him again. The thing that really did it was that week after week year after year he would watch me and the children get up and go to church(4) i ministered in the choir but have since stepped down. I tried the christian walk even having the kids asking why won't dad come to church. he told me that it is not his forte so it was time to go. I had enough people saying ugly things to me my whole life. If someone loves you they would try to change now he is crying saying he won't find anyone else he loves like me but as much as i love his friendship i won't go back. Right now i just want to be left alone to heal my heart. I have one wonderful man that is single that i found out was always attracted to me after i left my job(he worked there too). I do not have the energy to even go there and he is really nice. Celebacy and being alone works for me. Getting involved is only going to cause the issue of sex to come up and I am not interested in ever having sex outside of marriage. been there done that.

How old are you? How long were you married? How old are your kids?

Sounds like you are doing the right thing to distance yourself from the married man (EA), and take time to work on you regarding your XH and this other single man.

Your kids need your full attention now anyway, (per Dr. Laura)...

i do not feel comfortable answering any more personal questions on this board but the things you have said are correct. once i put the pain behind me i will be fine. The only thing i hate is the unfair disdain i have towards men right now.
ru a psychic or something lots of personal questions. not meaning to be rude.

Believe me dreamer1, if I was a psychic, I wouldn't have gotten cheated on!! LOL

You don't have to answer anything you don't want, just trying to get a picture of what happened in your M before... and I always worry about the kids and wonder how old they are when they go through all of this.

You stay strong and work on yourself. I repeat that God has a better plan for you then to be with a married man.

dreamer, the personal questions give more context when we try to undersatand your sitch. The answers to them help in understandng what you are going through. THey can be answered without giving up your privacy, because we are anonymous.

Personally, I was always careful about what I posted because I value my privacy. Therefore no identifying info about names, careers, etc.

So many MB'ers have really helpful life experience, been there, done that. And seen the results.

Good luck.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! don't believe in psychics anyhow

I will say that my youngest who is a little girl is having the hardest time. She is the only girl and is very close to her father so are the others they adore him I have the hardest time dealing with that selfish aspect of divorce but staying married for the kids is not valid. I looked at my life and wondered if i wanted to be living like this for another 10yrs and i just said no 20 is enough. the mm is behind me but i pray that the feelings i had for him will be found in someone else. i'll tell you all a story.

when I was 23 or 24 i was an emt in ny. I saw one of my patients who i really liked for the first time naked. he had no penis and no testicles just a catheter hanging out of a little hole. i instantly said in my mind. how could his wife stay with him when they cannot have sex there is no way i would stay with someone that could not have sex with me. his wife just loved him so and took the best care of him. I asked myself all those yrs ago(im 37 now)why did god allow me to see that. I got my answer last year because the man that i feel in love with had nothing to do with sex. Now if i was still married and my husband got sick and lost his private parts i would not have left him just for that but when i met this mm it was not instant it was working around him and seeing his spirit a very unhappy person pretending to be happy and that kind person was who i fell for it was not sexual at all because christians do not look at that initially or at least they should not have.
he could not understand why anyone would have feelings for him and it not be sexual and he was very confused. but as time went by he was double minded about everything even to whether we could be friends or not one day yes and the other no. his wife would not like him having a friend if she was not a friend also but i could not be her friend because of the feelings we had for each other and i think that noone has the right to tell me who to be friends with. so i told him if that is the only way to be friends i decline i could not be a hypocrit next day he came back and said i dont care i want to be your friend no matter what and the next day changed again. there were many instances and i told him to stay away from me i wanted nothing to do with him but before that two weeks prior he said he loved me. I learned alot in the situation. i never in a million yrs thought this could happen to me but leaving my job as hard as it has been financially was the best thing that i could have ever done no matter how much i told him to stay away from me he always found his way back. if anyone else is in the situation do your best to find another job the toll on your emotions is not worth it and never spend time with the opposite sex more than you have to and if you start to hear that inner voice say run you had better do it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you have learned a lot. I applaud your courage to quit the job and get out of a bad situation.

Read the posts & information about withdrawal on this site, maybe some of it will be helpful putting MM behind you.

I have found myself in a similar situation. My husband cheated on me twice. I became very vulnerable and I ended up having an affair with a married man. We both attended the same church and became very close. I ended up giving up my position in the church and have for the most part not attend that church in the last few months. I find it rather difficult to be there and see him with his wife. We both still have feelings for each other and have tried numerous of times to break it off but it never works for long. I know his wife really well and she is a piece of work and I can only say that because of knowing her. I never would have imagined getting involved with this man because we both have close ties to people around us. We both were at a low point and have found comfort in each other. I know it is wrong and don't justify it at all. I do love him though and I know he loves me. We both want to do what's right but it is very difficult. It does not help for him at home because his wife is so self centered and doesn't share the same interest as him. She doesn't even like kissing or too much else for that matter. The crazy thing about her getting married she had an affair with her best friend's husband. This is a crazy vicious cycle and it is hard to be broken.
How are you able to manage this? What have you done to get over the OM?

SLIM... VERY SLIM.. SLIMMER THAN 1st time but better than 3rd marriage..

You betrayed someone.. your new S betrayed someone.. why would you think that you will not betray each other?

READ THIS:

http://www.harpercollins.com/authorintro/index.asp?authorid=24791