Hi I am new to the forum so I apologize if I am not in the correct topic board.
I am struggling with a problem. I will share a little background:

I left a physically/mentally abusive marriage a few years ago. When I was separated from my first husband and in the process of my divorce, I had a brief affair with a close friend of mine. My friend and I had been close friends as our marriages were disintegrating. I ended the affair with my friend when I realized he would not leave his wife. I respected his decision and we became platonic friends but we saw each other with much less frequency. Months later I met my future husband. My husband and I dated for over a year before we married. However, lurking in the back of my mind, I still thought about my friend. I wondered about the "what might have been" and if my feelings could have been reciprocated.

My friend has since divorced his wife. I cut off all contact with him for a year and a half after I married. My husband knows my friend and I were friends but does not know about the affair. However, I called my friend yesterday and we talked about our lives and the past. We both agreed if the timing had been different, perhaps a relationship could have blossomed. He told me he held back when he knew I was starting to "fall in love with him" because he wanted to work on his marriage. When he wanted to pursue a relationship once his marriage ended, I was already involved with my husband and my friend respected my relationship with my husband. It saddened me to hear this because at the time we were friends, I thought I could really fall in love him.

I have no interest in engaging in an affair with my friend or trying to stoke a relationship. I love my husband and want to stay faithful to him. I understand the volitilty of continuing a friendship so I plan to step back and not talk to my friend as often if at all. I want to move on with my life at this time.

My Question is:

HOW CAN I grieve and move on with my life? How can I achieve complete closure and heal from this so I cannot damage my marriage? How can I overcome this in order to be a good wife to my husband?

I appreciate any thoughts or help on this. Thank you.

Tell your husband and let him support you.
Since nothing has happened since you've been married, it should not be a problem, ESPECIALLY if you get it in the open now.
He might get a bit upset, but think of how he will feel if you do not tell him and it comes out later?

Chris,
I'm terrified of telling him about my past ties with my old friend. I am afraid this would hurt him deeply because he thinks my friend and I were just friends. How can I be radically honest? Thanks again for your help.

I'm terrified of telling him
Because it will hurt him emotionally or terrified otherwise?

All this was before you were married, correct?

I am afraid this would hurt him deeply because he thinks my friend and I were just friends.
Do you think so little of him that you think he can't handle it?
I ask it this way because, no, he will be able to handle it.
It might hurt him but not telling him will hurt him so much more when it comes out (& it eventually will).

Chris, I am not afraid of my husband.I don't want to cause him unnecessary pain. I ask myself, "why put him through heck if my actions occurred before our first meeting?" I have decided to stop contacting my friend and I am seeing a therapist at this time over this and other issues ( depression). I keep feeling this a problem I should bear on my own. Is this crazy?

I keep feeling this a problem I should bear on my own. Is this crazy?

No, it's not crazy to feel this way.
Had it only been in the past and there had been no contact or commnets such as "ever, I called my friend yesterday and we talked about our lives and the past. We both agreed if the timing had been different, perhaps a relationship could have blossomed", I would say leae it alone.

But since ytou "called him yesterday" and brought all this up, I highly suggest it is time to spill the beans.
All of it happened before you were married (even dating) your husband.

But since you have now rekindled the thought of it and have actually opened the door to it happening by contacting him & bringing it up, I belive it is essential your husband knows.
If anything to at least hold you accountable to someone to help you NOT do it.

Thanks, Chris for your insight. This has been a tough time for me. I appreciate the help.

Wyn