I am definately plan Aing now (no try-just do per Yoda lol). He is moving mentally closer to divorce, he asked me last night about a possible financial arrangement. He says he loves me, he just doesn't know if he loves me "enough". I did not LB or anything, but I did tell him that it sounds like the financial penalties are playing into his deciding what to do and that did hurt me.

As of last night, he has asked that I just don't bombard him with R talk. I have not initiated any R conversations, and he does seem to be talking a little more, and I tell him I appreciate him sharing with me where he is. We have agreed for the time being to chill out on the R talks and that I can "fake" being wifely to him. His emotional detaching has been very painful, and the way that he acts towards me is harming the kids. They are tired of "the conversation". I am hoping that if we can fake it, maybe we can make it. Maybe I can covertly meets his EN if he will allow me in the spirit of faking it. Is that warped or OK?

But then, this AM, he hugged me warmly with no kids in the room??? And he asked me to hold off talking to the kids about preparing them for a negative outcome??? Of course, I get my hopes all up, but I am sure I can manage to screw this momentary peace up somehow.

Every other day he comes up with a new reason why this marriage is doomed. I should start a list, it is getting pretty humorous.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. I bought him a CD and DVD, just told him I was concerned about his quality of life and wanted him to enjoy some entertainment. I also wrote a letter about who this husband is that I miss so much. He took it and I told him that I have no preconceived notions of how he will read it. I am trying not to say or do things just to elicit a response, because that sets me up for dissapointment.

I read in the Quotes thread "what would you do if you weren't scared"? If I weren't scared, I would just love his little butt off. I am afraid that if he weren't scared-he would leave me. So, I think I am in a OK plan A mind set. I also read in SAA that if plan A fails, the BS's love for WS is less intense, thereby making divorce less painful than if they didn't try a plan A. That made me feel better. If I plan A well, either he will love me more-or I will love him less. That sounds like a good outcome.

I just want to make sure I understand that you had an affair then reconciled now he is having an affair after 1 year back together? If this is true was he affraid you were still seeing someone or could in the future? My sister inlaw is going through the same thing now. She had an affair left him then they got back togehter for a few years now he left her. He told me recently he felt she may walk out any time. Just an insite.

Thanks for the insight, I'll keep that in mind.

yes, we had been married for 10 years, I EA'd with my first love. We were seaparted for two years, coparenting great, realized our other relationships failed partly because of our feelings for each other. We reconciled and almost a year later, I found out he has been in EA for past two months.

So there may be a lot of gun shyness on his part. He doesn't know yet why we keep doing this to each other.