I need some tips on how to just stop thinking about everything. I don't have the distraction of a job, no adult interaction during the day. I can parent and obsess about M at the same time and it is making this a very long road.

My sister is a FBS and she told me that she was employ of the year, the year of the d-day in her M. I need a distraction. I also have a tendency to obsess about everything, even when nothing is going on. It is just my nature. I want to dive right in to recovery mode, and I may have pushed my WH back up on the fence with my over zealous nature.

The only things to do seem to be running around spending money I don't have. I have ben taking the kids to the park more often, but even there I bring my SAA book to read.

My WH doesn't think about the M all day, he has poured himself into his work right now. I try to plan A in the morning and then pace all day waiting for him to get home so I can plan A some more. Doing things without the kids is hard, I am the only SAHM I know, so baby sitting co-ops are not an option.

Any tips??

self bump

Hi Jean36!

Geez, I would have thought you were describing me! I am such a thinker, and I tend to over-analyze and over-obsess about things. And I love to spend money! I do work 12 hours a week, but with a high school senior and a daughter in college, I have plenty of time on my hands!

It sounds like you just need time to clear your mind and relax. Have you tried relaxation CDs? I ordered some from a website Dr. Phil recommended and they are great.

Of course there is MB. I threw myself into reading SAA, then I found HSHN and we completed all the worksheets. So, it gave me something to focus on.

I am usually online if you need someone to talk to!

I work, and can tell you that I still think about the A far too much!

Perhaps learn a new hobby? Teach yourself to knit or crochet or something...it should provide you with something to get your mind off of things at least part of the time!!

I'm a SAHM and know exactly what you mean!!

I am homeschooling my youngest this year so I am busy, but still have lots of idle time to think. The idea of a new hobby sounds good...think I'll try that!!

Thanks for the replies, glad to know I am not the only obsessive housewife around.

One thing that has helped, when I start freaking out, I am working on Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. The first part is all self examination. That seems productive, because if this M goes down the drain, I am learning alot about myself.

I work out of the house 6-10 hours a week. But I can obsess at work pretty good too!

I should take my sisters advice and get busy painting my living room!

I am a HSer too! I am sure the kids would be thrilled if I threw my extra energy into creating more schoolwork!!

I think the worst is those feeling of panic. WH is saying there is NC, but he is acting just like a WS who is active. I just want to throw the kis in the car and try to catch him. But, that would be crappy for the kids, and WH is self-employed, all over town sub-contracting. I know that catching him would be nearly impossible.

That is when it is the hardest. Trying to stay calm, examining the evidence and praying that I am not being duped again.

I definately think its good to have a support system. Sounds like yours is your sister. I went through it alone for the first few months, but finally opened up to my Sis when I got the real (D-Day #2) truth and just couldn't cope. She has been there for me this whole time. Several years ago she had gone through recovery herself.

Housework does work wonders, lol.

Jean,

Here are my thoughts. I journal like crazy, always have. What I like about my journaling since I've been in recovery so long is that I can see how far I've come.

Right after d-day, I journaled to vent...and vent I did!

Between that and venting here - I got it out of my head which left room for peace!

Another help is that I walk 3 miles every day. I did before the affair, and I burned off alot of steam that way. It's a great habit - helps me mentally more than physically. Rarely, I give myself a day off.

And on top of that, I regularly go to the gym.

I'll try and remember what Steve Harley told me to do about the obsessive thinking and worrying. I had panic attacks during the recovery process that complicated our recovery. I don't have them very often now, but I was surprised by one about 6 weeeks ago, and I forced myself to deal with it as I remembered him telling me!

Jean:
I know it can be hard not to obsess when your mind isn't engaged by other things. I'll just make a few suggestions.

-Read things that aren't self-help. If you feel you can concentrate enough, pick out a good, challenging classic that you'll have to concentrate on. I love Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Right now, I'm reading Middlemarch, with is also really good, but requires concentration. If you're not up that that level of concentration, then read good diversionary things. I can recommend a few hilarious books that have no romance that might be fun.

-Consider joinging a book club where you all read the same thing then meet to discuss. It's a good way to get you out of the house and interacting with others in a way that has nothing to do with your marriage.

-Watch really gripping movies. No chick flicks. Go either for straight comedies (Mel Brooks) or thrillers or something.

-Learn to knit. It's very soothing. And you can do it while you're watching the Mel Brooks movie if you like. Like reading, knitting can be as easy or as hard as you want it to be. If you keep challenging yourself, you'll have to concentrate on the stitches and pattern and won't be able to obsess about other things. And there are knitting groups, just like book groups.

-Take an exercise class (or yoga), where you have to pay attention to the instruction.

Good luck

Jean - i am a SAHM and both the FWS and a FBS.

There is lots you can do for you. The days get a little long yes - but you need things to look forward to. Are you Christian? If so - do you go to church. Have you seen what they offer for women. My women's support group was my God Send and I looked so forward to it all day. They also had play groups where the kids could play and moms could visit. Company that was other than talking about affairs or relationships was SUCH a welcome break.

Take breaks from the relationship talk, reading, studying...and do things for yourself. Even if you can't get a sitter, there is lots out there - even call your local community health center and see if they have any play groups set up. interact with other women, it helps you feel better about yourself.