I guess since I am new here I just am not getting a feel for the makeup of the families here. Hate to be nosey.
What are your feelings of step families and their structure? How much responsibilty to you take on in reference to the step kids?

anyone

anyone


anyone

I hear crickets

Good morning Ryesmom,

I guess the crowd is at breakfast or in church....
So I'll pipe in. I was a step mom at 21. I had a SS age 20, and two SD's ages 14 and 16. My H was 42. The SS hit on me at a family outing (eeeeouwww) so we gave up trying to be family to that one.

The girls were great though. Welcomed me as more of a big sister. They moved in w/ us for the last 3 years of the marriage. The oldest girl even moved back to stay w/ me after the divorce. She was a big help with her half brother who was only 4 at the time.

I have a step Dad now and we get along great. He's not perfect but so long as mom's ok, I'm ok.

And I technically have a SD and SS with current husband but I've never been allowed to meet them. They are 22 and 24 and they "don't want to be involved" is their story. They have holidays, birthdays, weddings, etc all EXCLUSIVE of me and I am just 25 minutes away. H has never stood up to the little brats or his mommy and claims thre's nothing he can do about it.

So, yes there are step-parents out here. Some more than others. Did you want to ask questions of us?

I'm here if you need anything, OPO

I did want to ask questions.
Thank you for responding

I did want to ask questions.
Then ask...

When my H & I got married, I had a 7yr old daughter (birth father out of picture) and he had 2 sons (6 & 10) that lived with his remarried XW out of state. We would get the boys all summer and part of the Christmas holidays. I view the boys as my own (not easy for everyone to do) but have been told to butt out on occassion. My oldest SS came to live with us for his Jr and Sr years in HS. He is now a Soph in college and calls our house home. Our kids are now 19, 16 & 15.

Looking back I see we did some things right and some things wrong. I've heard some people say that you should parent your own kids, but that tends to end up with one kid having stricter rules and fuels resentment. Here are some suggestions with stepkids:

* You don't have to use their rules, but check with custodial parent(s)(not kids) and verify their house rules before a visit.
* Plan out your house rules ahead of time considering age and appropriate punishment for each child.
* Stepparent should be free to punish under agreed upon rules and backed up by spouse.
* Stepparent should immediately inform spouse of problem and punishment before child has chance to twist things.
* Stepparent should expect and try not to resent that child will tell custodial parent that you were mean to them. (I scolded youngest SS for going through a 24pk popsicles in 2 days and then not eating supper. He told mother and grandparents that I was starving him.)
* Present a united front. Never let children show disrespect to spouse, even when you think spouse is wrong.
* Never talk about spouse in front of kids.
* Never criticize other parent in front of kids.
* Don't make visits a vacation. If you do, they will not view your house as a home or treat it with the respect of a home.

I'm a stepparent, and I think you have good guidelines. I would add one or two more.
* There should be "all of us time", "parent and kid(s) time" and "husband and wife" time. If it's possible for birth parent to spend some time individually with each child, then that's all the better. But it's also important to have "husband and wife" time. My husband and I have about 15-20 minutes together alone in our room first thing after work, when the children stay here. We pour a drink, talk a little bit about the day, and have hugs and kisses. Furthermore, after 9 PM, no one is allowed in our bedroom except us. The kids are welcome to use our jacuzzi as they wish, but before 9 PM. After that, they belong in the living room, den, anywhere in the house but our bedroom.
* Stepparents have to understand that children are going to compare one house to the other, and not take it personally. We just ignore it, or say, "Yes, I understand that you don't have a bedtime at mom's house, but in our home we want to make sure everyone gets enough sleep to do well the next day."

Hi, Yes I am a stepmom. of 2 wonderful boys 6 and 10. They are great!! I love having my step boys!! Although times are tuff! Ex-wife spoils kids to a extreme. makes it really hard to keep them happy about coming to see us. We don't want to buy there love! It works a lot but there are times when we hear my mom buys me more things then you!

Our issue is that we don't think a parent should do something permanent to the body of a child without the permission of the other parent.

When my stepchildren's mother wanted to get her nose pierced, she took son along for an ear-piercing, and for the other kid, decided a second set of ear-holes plus a bellybutton ring would be a great idea. Did I mention they were neither of them over 12? My husband was angry enough to spit nails... He (and I agree) don't think children have any business getting tattoos or piercings, which they might regret later. But their mother likes to say she's their "friend" and hang out with them. My husband and I have a different upbringing, and we wish she would grow up and be a mother.

I'm new to this forum. I'm getting married next year (July). My wife to be will have 3 grown kids, and 1 of them has special needs, from the previous marriage. I have no kids and was never married.

So I'll be a step parent for 3 kids you might say. I don't really have a problem with this. In fact this makes my life easier you might say. I don't have to raise them they are all adults now and have have moved out of the house. The special needs child is living with her dad. She visit's us every other weekend. We enjoy having her at our house.