3 weeks ago my husband left my 3 year old son and me, after i found out he had been talking to another woman on his cell phone. things had been going bad for us for about 2 months prior but only got real bad last month. we are in terrible financial strain nearly losing our home. I know the money situation is the root of the problem but also several other problems now as well. He lost 57lbs in 2 months which i believe added to his struggle, he and his best friend had a falling out and he hardly has any, and he suffers from depression and is not on medication at this time. He did go to his Dr. to get help but she suggested he seek counseling ( i don't believe he was very truthful to her about all of the problems, weight loss etc.) When i found out he was talking to this woman he neither denied or admitted to anything, insted told me he didn't love me anymore and the marriage was over. He left. I called the other woman and she said she was just a friend nothing more. My husband still refuses to talk about her and since has bought another cell phone which he denies having, and i called and got info that he is still talking to her. He blames our marriage problems on me refusing to try to work anything out even for our son. He tells me he doesn't love me, he doesn't feel anything for me, then says but i will always love you. I am so confused. my best friend is married to his best friend and when he found out he wanted to clear things up with him and went to talk to him. When his best friend tried to talk to him he got mad and started telling him the money problems were all my fault, he lied about some things and that he was done with the marriage. When i gave his friend his new cell # he didn't know i had, he answered and still denied even having the phone to him, even as he was talking on it. He calls me everyday to check on our son, but never asks to speak to him. He has totally changed and doesn't see him much at all...this is a man who was so devoted to our son he kept him 2 days a week so i could work. this man was so devoted to me and our son that i am in total shock. I know i am to blame for alot of problems in our marriage but i have told him i am sorry for those. He tells me i was a good wife and we had a good 10 year marriage (he left 2 days before our 10 yr. anniversary)but he still doesn't want to work anything out. When i ask about her, he says "who", or "what girl" or what cell phone. i got my bill and he talked to her for 860 mins. the month of August.(no record of him calling her in july) so i believe i caught it as it was just beginning. I love this man so much because he has never been anything but adoring to me and our son. 5 years ago we struggled financially and he went into a bad depression (1st diagnosed then) and also had an affair, also lost about 60 lbs...i knew what was happening this time because it was so similar. Once he went on medication within 3-4 months he was fine and devestated at what had happened. I guess my question is am i crazy. I don't know what to do. Do i believe what he says about the marriage ending, am i crazy to believe about the other woman. my gut is she is not only a friend, but my gut says he has lost his mind. Is there hope? i know what the root of the problem is,the money. but i am the only one trying to fix it right now-he is living with his mom (right beside us) not paying the bills or anything, not trying to get help...i love him with all my heart because i know the real man. but is there hope?

jaysmom, welcome to MB. At the very least your H is in an EA (emotional affair) I had to shake my head at the denial of the other phone cuz my H did the same even after I presented concrete evidence for several days he said "what phone" or "I don't know what you are talking about". Read through the site about plan A and plan B. Get and read the book Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley. You should be able to find it at the library as money is tight for you. As you read more you will be "comforted" to know that your WH is speaking the script as all WS do. There is nothing special or unique about his A.

Sending MB hugs your way. {{jaysmom}}

Oh geez, I forgot to ask. Do you know who the OW is? Is she married? You need to expose this affair to the light of day to those that have influence over these two. And don't call OW again, they lie. Why should she tell you anything besides they are "just friends"? Anything your H does with this woman, even talking behind your back is wrong.

welcome to the club no wants to be a memeber of. Cell phones, hate them, confronted my WW with a cell bill of 700 minutes a month to OM-her response, "Oh we're just friends". She barely spoke to me 50 minutes!! Start plan A, try to get him on AD's and take care of your DS. Hopefully the experts can help you out.

Jaysmom,
Sounds like your WH has been abducted by the aliens. We've all been there.

The root of the problem is probably not money. It is probably his "friend". That is painful to hear, I know. On the other hand, it explains his remoteness, his anger, his blaming, his rationalization of his bad behavior, his fault-finding with you and the marriage, the weightloss, and probably at least some of the depression.

Read everything you can here to gear up for the fight of your life. Have hope, it can be done, and it IS possible to get through this better on the other side.

i am so sorry to hear this it is my story all over again. I hope that for you and your childs sake he straightens up. Most of them don't until they crash. Best of luck and i will pray for you