Talk about uncomfortable situations. I was driving by my wife's place of work (which I do occassionally to see if she is walking out to her car with OM). I noticed the OM behind me.

He ends up next to me at a stop light. I kept looking straight ahead, even though I had the urge to get out and confront him.

The interesting thing will be if my wife mentions it. This would mean that she is talking to him, which she claims she is not doing.

Still stuck wondering if she will sign the divorce papers. I have an appointment to talk to SH on Tuesday. I would like to get his take on my situation.

I would have stared him down with a smile on my face.

Gotta love small towns...I have to drive by OWs work on the way to the shop every day...his car is parked right where you can't avoid seeing it. It's almost like she parks it purposefully there for me to see because there are plenty of out of range spots. This one isn't even in viewing range of her work.

Last weekend I saw them out driving on Saturday 3 different times. Two roads in and out of town and it doesn't matter where I go there they are. I'm starting to learn to constantly sing in the car.

The one thing that I have noticed the 2 times I ran into OM in public. He looked down at the ground and couldn't look me in the eyes. I will always stare him down and look him in the eyes because that tells me a lot. If he doesn't have the guts to stare me in the eyes and he looks down at the ground what does that tell you about the OM or OW in some cases?

What it tells me is they lack strength and courage. They cannot accept responsibility for their actions and are selfish to begin with.

Always stare them down because the faithful ones are not the ones who should have shame. Let them know who you are!!!

Funny how they can't look you in the face eh?

OW has a slight hunchback or let's just say really poor posture...her shoulders hunch completely in. WHENEVER she sees me she does this thing with her shoulders (swings her right shoulder in a bit to move the left one back and then flips her hair all in the same motion). It's pretty funny. But my favorite thing with her is the weekend we all spent down in Houston when she actually started to dress just like me...everytime I see her now she has clothes in the same taste as me. Whatever I am wearing one night she would have an outfit very similar on the next time we saw each other. It's pretty funny...

Posts like this always make me feel bad for a minute. Remember, being a FWS, I am also a OW that means...exOM and his W live very close to my mom's house. When I am in town, I hate going out to the grocery store, macdonalds, walmart, as I feel i am intruding on OMW's territory and how horrible she might feel if she ran into me - esp as we were friends. I make all my trips out when I am staying down there very quick and pray before I go out that I don't run into them.

Sometimes you guys, the shame you see in the OW/OM might not be avoiding you or afriad of you - but a TRUE shame in what they have done, and not to want to hurt you and your family further.

sexysadie,

That is funny. Maybe a little odd at the same time. I think I've come to realize how messed up these people really are. I see it although they do not.

The other night when WS was talking to me she obviously had her ear up to the phone or he had the volume way up...because when I was telling him something I heard in the back "Oh yeah, I'm just the root of all evil."

How true...couldn't have said it better myself...and he claims she's not judgemental. Hmph!! Two peas in a pod as his exbusiness partner says.

I do feel a bit sad for OW...yes I admit it, I do...she's stuck up for him when all his friends have turned their backs on him because of his drinking and self-destruction...she tried to make a good impression on all of us but once we saw her real side...she lost the possibiilty of any of us ever welcoming her into the family...so there they sit at the house now drinking alone...or they go to the bar next door since they are no longer welcomed at our local hangout since she kept running out on the tab there...oh and not to mention the few confrontations she's had with folks as well as WS...they have been 86'd...

She's as blinded as he is in this A. Here she is working her ars off at the hair salon. She used to only work 2 days a week. This week she has put in a full week except Monday (remember I drive by every time I have to go to the house, she works on the corner).

He lost his business over the A. So she's been his sole financial support. In two months of taking care of him, her car got repossessed, her exH stopped making the mortgage payment they are on the verge of being homeless.

She's the sole provider, he has no plans on working because he can't get his butt out of bed before 1pm and she takes his car to work. That's his latest excuse...I can't look for a job because she has the car. So he sits around watching tv and drinking all day.

She is making his car payment, putting food on the table for them both, paying for all their entertainment expenses, trying to catch up on the mortgage payment...and keep him happy and trust me folks WS is extremely HIGH MAINTENANCE...and I mean that in a loving way...he's a big boy and he can eat...and he loves to eat out...he has champagne taste all the way...and she's going to have to keep all this up while they are together.

Yes, I do feel sorry for the OW...this is what she wanted, this is what she got...now what's she gonna do with it now that she has it completely? Sure she's got him in bed with her each and every night...but I know from experience when he's drunk...he's worthless in the sack...passes out 5seconds after hitting the pillow and snores, snores snores...all night long. Since he's only ever drunk with her...my nice life eh? One helluva boy toy you got there woman!!

Phew...that actually felt really good to write all that down...

Dorry,

I'm sorry if my post seemed a little one sided. I know that there are WS out there that have been through a lot and that if they could would take it all back. Mistakes happen for we are human. I also know just about every WS that has come to this site also wishes to make things right again. The 2 WS in my life ridicule this site so I know their mentality.

Sometimes I have to vent because I'm deep in plan B now and there isn't much light where I'm at. There has not been a sign of hope in a long time and there are several children involved. I've been beat up pretty bad this year. Emotionally and mentally of course.

The one thing I can say is that it is a FWW that is helping me through all this right now and she has been the most insightful and helpful of all.

I do understand what you are saying.

No I didn't think it was one sided - it just saddens me sometimes to know I am one of them - the exOW - I have forgiven myself and know I am not that person, but still so ashamed when I look back. I hate what I did to H, I hate what I did to OMW.

And I am guilty of the same thing - I think cruel things of H's OW....although she never knew and still doesn't know he was not seperated at the time he started up with her - so I can't blame her - only him (H)

But see Dorry,

There is a difference between you and my WW and the OM in my life. They don't feel the same way you do and are continueing their actions.

At least you are willing to attempt to repair things and make they do not happen again. Some do not and never find their way. There are so many BS here that wish their WS would be like you. I hope that brings some comfort to you. I life time of guilt would be worse than what I have had to endure i believe. My pain will end some day. Hopefully soon.

So very true Trebor....so very true...as I told my WS the other night...OW is not a real lady, not a good woman at all...a woman with a heart would have second thoughts on what she was doing, the pain and hurt she was inflicting and would at least acknowledge her actions...when OW and I talked she said she would and turned around and continued on with WS. I have no respect for her even if I do pity her.

It's nice to see someone with a heart...even if misled they find their way back to their true hearts...thank you Dorry for sharing with us.

I didn't have second thoughts on what I was doing while I was doing it, and even stayed friends with the OMW during the whole A. Almost playing sides, giving her advice to help her marriage, while having an Affair with her husband meanwhile. I didn't think at the time I was doing any harm (go figure) - I just loved how I was feeling and the attention I was getting. That makes me sound like quite the heartless, homewrecking OW doesn't it.

It was only after the A when I realized how I had screwed things up, and how ashamed I was of my actions and behavior. I didn't feel that shame during the A.

Luckily though, the A ended ON D-day, and a month later we told OMW's (H and I). I guess it would be different if the A had been exposed before hand and I was continuing to ruin lives.

H had confronted me 3 weeks prior to D-day about OM, and I lied through my teeth...I only fessed up when there was real proof in front of my eyes, and even then I lied about the real events for weeks following. NC did begin on D-day though.

Dorry,

Your perspective in invaluable, and you are so good to share your perspective as a FWW. You said -

"I didn't think at the time I was doing any harm (go figure) - I just loved how I was feeling and the attention I was getting."

This is sooooooooooo key and can't be repeated enough. It's why so many have a hard time ending their affair. And it's that "special feeling" of being loved that has to be recreated within the marriage during the recovery process. But it only comes after some healing time has occurred.