It is starting to become very clear that my WH has resumed contact with OW (or perhaps his mind has been infected by a brain eating bacteria)

When searching through his stuff (phone, receipts, vehicle, etc) do I hide that or not? In the beginning, he had no issue with me going through his phone and stuff. Now, he gets irritated. So do I do all my sleuthing on the sly?

This may seem like such a silly question, I guess of course I should sneak around. I am just new to all this BS, help me understand the game.

No, you shouldn't have to. FWH told me he had absolutely nothing to hide and has offered to let me check his voice mail, email, cell phone, etc. He even listens to all his voice mails on speaker phone for me. But, I do have the password for his voice mail and for over a year I did listen to them periodically before he got into work. So I didn't tell him that.

I do check up on him, too. I think he thinks I do it far more than I actually do. I stop by his office, stop in to see him if I see his car at Starbucks, etc. He calls me all the time to talk and tell me where he's going, and its almost 3 years past D-Day.

Oh hide it for sure!

Never let him know how you know what he's doing. Otherwise, he'll just change tactics and also will get on his high hourse about "privacy".

My W never knew how I knew that she was going (regularly) to OM's apartment - and I have no reason to ever tell her. We'll be divorced in 10 days.

-AD

Jean, hide it for now, lest you give yourself away. Let him think that you believe him so he will relax a little and get sloppy.

i think you should follow him when you think he might have an opportunity to meet the OW.

Hide it. Otherwise they just get better at covering it up. One of the best things is a GPS if you can afford it. It will track his movements, and you will know exactly where he has been.

We even joked about that at the beginning, the GPS device that is. I really believe that at first, he would have worn one if I asked. Tonight he got mad because I asked what side of town he was working on.

Jean, do you have a plan on how you can find out the truth of what he is doing and how to find the OWH?

No, not yet. I am a SAHM, I have the kids with me 24/7. BUT they will be gone with their aunt for the next few days. This is a great chance.

On the vehicle tracking devices-any idea if those are available for rental? I only need it until I can catch him. If they are not available for rental-they should be.

Jean,

Hi again! I used to go check my WH's car nightly to see what I could find. That's how I busted him on his last contact. He now knows that I have checked his car, but probably doesn't realize how frequently I do this. I took inventory of things in his car - CD's, tapes, papers. I even check his trunk.

I found a love letter there once that almost made me vomit.

SNOOP, but don't tell him.

Kimberly
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years
Re-exposed last week......WH in extra room going on 9 days. He's mad at me.

That's a good idea for a SAHM for a home business - renting GPS's. There have been a ton of people here who could have used one for a couple of days.

OOOOH Believer - Excellent Idea!! How much do they cost?? I love that! Renting GPS's!!!

Kim

Kimberly and Jean;

Place a voice activated digital recording device in his car (or wherever you think they are having conversations with OM). They are about $90 at Radio Shack. Don't forget to purchase a ton of batteries.

ACT OUT

way to go, ACT, good idea!

I think they are around $600.

Wouldn't the radio keep it activated? But I guess when he called, he would turn the radio down. Any idea how long the batteries would last-he spends a great deal of time driving.
Surely I could get several hours before I needed a battery change right?

Jean,

My WH does a lot of driving in his job too - Has the radio on a good bit of the time & communicates via cell/radio phone with his workplace. I am afraid if I put something like that in his car he will surely find it. How big are they??

Are the GPS $900????

I recently purchased a small tape recorder(not digital) that is voice activated. Would that work???? The tape only has 90 minutes on one side though.

Kim

Oh, & I also read today how some Cell Phones can be used as "bugs". The cell phone has to have an "auto-answer" feature. You put the cell phone on silent ring & place it where you want to overhear the conversation. Then you call it from wherever you are.

Kim

Snoop but don't let on. It's good to have info that WS doesn't know you have. The more the better. At an appropriate time you may want to worry WS a bit by leaking a bit of info, but not saying how you know.

Different models have different recording times. The one I got lasted about 12 hours standby and 6 hours recording. Then I could download the information onto my computer. Your right about listening to the annoying music but you can adjust the sensitivity to where it pretty much does what is designed to do and record only conversations. It worked best if place directly under the driver's seat.

You want to secure it a little so it doesn't slide out on a forced stop or sudden acceleration and I had a couple of times where I hit the sensitive record/pause button while I placed it under the seat so be careful. You also need to really read the directios to insure that you run it in silent mode. No beeping ever.

Even if the batteries die, it always maintains a little battery life to store the recordings until you put in new batteries and listen.

Warning: You'll get more info than you sometimes want to hear. You must remember they are in the fog and try not to internalize the things they say about you. Your WH may be carefully doing a dance with OW to keep her in the affair and interested in him. You are likely to be a significant part of their conversations and it is often not pretty. It is a lies and deception. Don't let it get to you. You can still win back your husband's heart, if you want to.

ACT OUT

Hmmmm......Seriously considering getting one. That might be the only way I will know for sure about contact. I'm not worried about what I might hear. Have already come across 3 gross loveletters and a taped recording of OW telling WH how much she loved him. GAG.

Jean - sorry to kind of hi-jack your thread. I think this is good info for you too!!!

Kim