First a little background info. As a child I was sexually molested and raped repeatedly by my stepfather, it lasted for ten years. I am and have been in couselling for the past 12 years. I have repressed memories and deal with the abuse on a daily basis. It affects the choices I make but I am in couselling and am feeling much better. With that said, after reading the basic concepts I felt the need to share the details of my past with my husband of four years whom I love very much. My husband has always been gentle and loving in bed -- a really romantic lover. Since he found out about the abuse I suffered as a child he questions me about it while we are being intimate. He asks me to replay the incidents with him while we are being intimate. I have not spoken to my therapist about this, fearing what he will say. As I am an annoyomus user here I feel safer asking for advice. I have told my husband these actions bother me and disturb me on a level I can't begin to explain to him. I don't even want him to touch me since this began. A couple of nights ago he wanted to have sex but I didn't mainly because of his "new" approach. He insisted and took what he wanted. Please help ! I love him and don't want to end it but I'm scared.

I'm scared for you, though I've never been in the state you've been I want you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you-I can't even begin to imagine your pain. I'm sorry I'm not of more help to you-but I am praying for guidance for you and strength. You might remember the serenity prayer.

Sounds like your husband was turned on by what happened to you in the past. Yes its weird not to mention creepy. I suggest talking with your counselor about what your husband has said and is wanting. Hopefully your counselor will be able to provide some better answers for you with this situation.


Joe

Are you saying that he raped you?

I am truly concerned for you this is a bad situation to be on. There is hope. My wife had about the same background as you and things between us that were VERY bad are now much better. Altough we both have been through counseling its still a day by day ordeal. I dont beleive, as many professionals also dont belive, in repressed memories.
Are these abuses by your step father all repressed memories?

I can't even imagine what you must have gone through. It is one of the most terrible things to happen to a child. Although you have been dealing through this with a counselor, it might also be beneficial if your husband should be your support.

Consider talking to him at length about it in a non-sexual setting. Bring it up yourself at your own time. Make sure that he understands how extremely painful that part of your life has been. He'll most likely feel pretty guilty about being turned on by this without knowing the full extend of it, and by hurting you so.

Although he may be weird sexual fantasies, mixing such sexual fantasies with real life was just a sign of immaturity on his part. Once he apologizes for being so cruel to you, move on with your R with him.

By telling him your story while in the intimate state of sexual intercourse, you do nothing more than feed his perversion.

I would guess -- and could be wrong -- that your husband has (or has in the past) had his hand in some sort of pornography. His excitement from your story strongly shows that he may have.

I would advise you not to contribute to his perversion in any way, shape or form. Especially for the sake of your painful experience.

He needs to go to counseling with you. Have him do some research on children who are molested and how it affects them as an adult. He needs to be educated in the severity of the abuse that you have endured. If he continues to take what he wants, seek help immediately at a Battered Women's Shelter or call the police. Your safety is at stake. Have a plan and act on it if needed.

Really? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Has anyone noticed the age of this post? The person only posted once, and that was that. Now it's 3 almost months later. Wonder what happened with her?