Well, to make a long story short, I found out a little over a year ago that for for a few weeks maybe even months my wife had a online sexual relationship with someone in another state. I found detailed evidence (logs and video files unfortunately...) and confronted her. She apologized and said she would never do it again. Initially I monitored her computer on a weekly basis, then slowly gave her more trust, and let it go for a couple months at a time. IN the mean time and even before this we had no sex life. Within the first year of marriage we just had no sex life, maybe once a month at the very most, usually every 3 to 6 months. During this time of infidelity it got to be once to twice a year if it was a good year. Now, I have hard evidence again that she resumed her intimate relationship in the past week. Even before this I wondered, because she would tell me how he was doing and how his kids are doing and how his life is doing, etc, etc, etc. Down to the point of what job he has and so on. I showed little interest in this information, but withheld accusations and judgement. I went on the idiotic pretention that maybe she's just being friendly now. Assuring me all the time that she's not having any sexual relations anymore. I thought eventually she would stop talking to him, b/c I displayed disinterest... NOT anger. I honestly, didn't get angry over this. I thought it was a phase she would work herself out of. Now.... On the other hand. I see it became a fully blossomed relationship.

Because our physical life was failing for so long I suggested counseling, she said we don't need it. So, I did the Emotional needs and love buster questionaires with her. The physical life didn't improve, but I did and am doing my best to show her affection and listen to her and so on. Things a husband should do. Well, as I mentioned earlier, I just found video files of her, and of him, that they are sending or recording while watching each other. I had setup loggin of instant messenger programs in the past so I could review the conversations. All the conversation history was cleared and the conversation recording turned off. Something I never did do. So, I know for a fact she did it.

I'm most likely going to make a counseling appointment without telling or involving her. I'm on my last emotional thread of tolerance. I don't know if I can go through this again. And what if it continues or quits and happens again? I posted in the past stating I was on the edge of divorce. I know divorce is a last option in God's book and I know love is a choice. And.... I know that if GOd stopped loving us everytime we screwed up, God wouldn't have to care about me or humanity ever again. I just don't know though, if I can go through this all over again. She's going to make it sound like everything is o.k. and tell me she's uncomfortable with going to counseling, and tell me she won't do it again and everything will be fine. Then we go back to pretending we're roommates for a year or a few years. I'm not saying once a cheater always a cheater. I don't believe that. I don't know what to do. I have to confront her later "today" she's sleeping right now. She lied to me about talking to him on the phone too. I accidentally hit send on her cell phone and it came up with him right away, she claims to "have dialed the wrong number when she was trying to call a family member."
The thing that complicates this more is her mom is in the hospital, is most likely on the verge of recovery now, but my wife said tonight she just wants to get in the car and drive home (home is a 6 to 8 hour drive from here.) I have to wonder if there was more meaning in that. She was wanting to leave me. I don't know. I love her enough to let her go if that's what she wants. So, what do I do? I'll talk to her, and because she feels guilty and sorry for me, she'll do everything she can to make it up to me. (no not sex.) and then time continues, while our lives slip away.

Anyways, I needed to get this crap out again. I"m going to try to sleep now, I ask for your prayers, because I have no idea what God wants. I believe he wants us to be happy, or at least enjoying the life he gave us. That doesn't seem possible for a long time from now...

If anyone has thoughts feel free to respond or if you want to send me private messages, whatever, is fine.

Thanks for reading this, if you did.

I am sorry for your pain. Lets look at the facts. You have a spouse that continually lies to you about her online sexual affair, continues to contact the OM, and you have no intimacy. She continues to humiliate and disrespect you by sending video files to the OM when they get off together? Apparently you wife has no boundaries and has no problem lying and betraying you. Marriage counseling is a must otherwise your future will be your past. Apparently there was no consequences to her previous actions and she continues to treat you like a roommate. She has you to take care of her and an online lover. What is wrong with this picture. If you do not have boundaries then what is the point in being married in name only? I wish you luck.

If you are emotionally at the point where your love for your W is practically gone and you are certain that there is no hope for her to change, then a divorce would certainly be in order. Remember that not all marriages can or should be saved, and you may want to do some serious soul searching and ask yourself if your marriage may be one of these.

TMCM

Thanks to both of you for your objective thoughts. I agree although I feel like I'm giving up on her prematurely. I know this is probably typical, but I keep asking myself what am I doing wrong? How am I not supporting her?
As far as her last consequences, I forgave her and said, that we would have to reevaluate things if it happens again, and she promised it wouldn't. I asked her point blank periodically, letting her know nicely that I don't fully trust her yet, but I'm trusting her to give me the truth. I believe up until this past week she did tell the truth, she even told me when she talked to him online or on the phone (conversationally not intimately). SHe did not hide the phone bills, or anything like that. I felt that as long as she kept it in the open, she would eventually find that she doesn't need him. Instead the opposite happened. But yes they exchanged webcam videos of each other. I will be making counseling appointment Monday for myself. But, it will be 2 or 3 weeks before I actually get in. I'm requiring a Christian Counselor because I want to do this right and if it does come to us leaving each other then I want to be able to stand before God, and say, hey, this isn't my fault, I did everything I could. I'm sorry. Maybe that sounds odd.

Thanks, I"m going to need a lot more support in the future if this does happen. (I guess I"m not accepting it yet. In a way I want it to be over. I'm tired of dealing with it. She did this to me last September, this past February and now... )