WH blames me for the reason we aren't reconciling. I am so beat down. I feel like I totally screwed things up beyond any hope of repair.
This is what WH says about me now:
and of the exposure, this is what he says:

He thinks that whenever I get upset I'll "lay waste to his life" now.

There's no hope for my marriage. It's over. I don't want it to be, but he hates me now. I feel terrible for this. I never wanted it to come to this. Is there any way I can fix it?

Hello Stop;

There was a point early this summer where I too had had enough. I had snooped enough and obtained enough information to believe, as you do know, that I was really 2nd fiddle to OM my marriage was over. I thought there was absolutely nothing I could do or say to change the presumed fact that Mrs. Wondering was "in love" with her soulmate and going to leave me. At best, coming back to me appearred only to be "practical" consideration, however, a love-less marriage was not an option for me (my stated boundry).

From that moment on, Plan A became so much easier. I had committed myself to keep Plan A'ing for the rest of summer and see what happens. At the very least I was going to enjoy as much as possible having my wife and daughter, my family, together for this time period. If this was to be it then I didn't want my daughter to look back at it as the most tumultuous (sp?) time in her little life. I also set out to understand my wife more deeply, more intimately than I ever had before. I thought maybe if I reached out a little more than I ever had before I could get more intimate with my wife regardless if eventually split up or not.

Fortunately I was wrong about Mrs. Wondering's feelings as is evident on these boards. We are back together and more happily married than ever before in such a short time utilizing mostly MB principles (I found this site a little while after D-day). Looking back I should not have believed anything I discovered. Your husband is having an internal debate over what is right and ordained by God versus the justifications/rationalizations he has internalize based upon his poor choices. He is soooo foggy he does not know what he wants, thinks or says.

My conclusion, stick to your plan and ignore what he says. His life is not reality. Hopefully you can help pull him back to earth but either way your plan and commitment to trying is all you can concern yourself with right now. Monitor for contact, not for content. The content is irrelevant.

Don't recall your full story but I hope this helps.

Good luck, Mr. Wondering

If you go to my posts you will see that your husband is saying the exact same things as mine, almost word for word.
I do not know how to add my thread to this.
I also do not know what advice to give you because we are in the same boat.
I do know I want my marriage saved, and I am trying to change myself.
I have not seen H in 11 weeks and he will be here on the 29th.
I am so so scared as to how he will react to me after all of the things he has said to me.
He is so disgusted with me that I exposed his affair.
He now wants a divorce ASAP.
I am praying that he will calm down enough while he goes through wthdrawal and see things a little differently when he comes home, and sees the faces of his 8 children.
I am working on me trying to fight throught he tears and the anxiety.

I honestly don't know what to do at this point. We haven't been in contact in 2 weeks. That was from an email he sent to a mutual friend.

I'm devastated. I never meant to hurt him that way. I wasn't trying to destroy him, only the affair. He doesn't see it that way.

I don't know if I should try to talk with him or just leave things as they are and see if things can calm down some. I just don't want to end it this way. Well, I don't want to end it at all, but that doesn't seem to matter.

He sees OW at work daily. So there's contact. Honestly, I think he's waiting to see what she's going to do when her D is final. Whether or not she's going to want to continue with him or not. No idea when her D will be final. Should be within the next couple of months if my calculations are right.

It's been 4 months since D-Day and my life is still in chaos. I am trying to focus on me, but it's so hard. I'm on AD's but sh*t, I can barely manage to get out of bed in the mornings or go to bed at night. My health is suffering (I am getting over strep and bronchitis at the moment) and I really just want to run away from all of this. I'm lonely and scared. I find myself crying all the time, on the way home from work, on the way to work, while watching tv, laying in bed, whatever. I know I need to detach but I don't know how. I have no interest in joining any clubs, I'm not a religious person (although, I have talked to God quite a bit lately - go figure), I feel like a zombie.

I know how you are feeling.
OW divorce was final in May, she filed the month before my H asked me for a D.
I only exposed a couple of weeks ago, and he is calming down a bit, but I am still terrified he will go ahead and file when he gets home.
I am taking Clonopin for anxiety it is helping some.
H supposedly ended R with OW last Friday, so we shall see what happens.
I too am lonley and scared, this sucks and I am pissed off that I have to deal with all of the consequences of his behavior.

This prayer helped me. I wasn't overtly religous before this incident in my life either. God defintely answered my prayers. I read this elsewhere here but when you've been struck down to your knees by life, while you're there, you might as well pray.

Dear Lord, give me the power to change what I can change and the ability to accept those things that I can not change.

Stop focusing on the alien presence in your life and focus on yourself. Leap your partner, if he chooses to grow and proceed down the expressway of life with you that is his choice over which you have little control.

By the way, my wife pointed this out to me (while she was still in her affair), when you recite the Lord's Prayer do so out loud. The line "Lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil" is an attempt to cast out the demons in your life (you and your husband are still "one" and you can cast the demons out of both of you). The devil can not hear and be fearful of your internal prayers (only God here's your internal prayers), so you must say the prayer out loud.

Good luck, Mr. Wondering

Its fog. It makes me laugh to read this coming from a WS. Your husband is rationalizing his affair. It helps him balance the current unacceptable behavior with his moral beliefs. If he doesnt do this the guilt will eat him alive.
Do not worry, moral beliefs rarely change this radically. His life is out of control and he is heading for that inevidiable brick wall. Keep your head, your life will be much better if you do. You have many life changing decisions to make in the future. Hopefully all will turn out as you wish.