Well, I delivered the Plan B letter to WH's office yesterday. I told the receptionist to give it to him. I mailed a copy to OW today. I haven't heard from him. I hope he has it by now.

I last talked to WH Thursday night when he called to talk to the kids. I talked to him briefly about our visit to the dermatologist that day. I asked him if he was having fun and he said no. He asked if I was still going to let him come home if that is what he decides. I told him that I would discuss it with him after he ends it with her and we are in counseling with Steve Harley. I asked if he had ended it with her and he said no. I told him that I would be giving him a letter that explains this and because it is so upsetting, I would avoid seeing or talking to him until then.

I called OW's husband to make sure I had OW's correct address. He said that he and OW had been emailing each other yesterday. He had asked her what she is doing this weekend and she wouldn't tell him. She also told him that she is down to 105 lbs. now. (She has lost alot of weight since the affair.) He said she still hasn't returned divorce papers to his atty. I am surprised that they are still chatting so friendly, but he says he is just talking to her until the divorce is final and then he will cut her off. She is 21 and he is 25. They have no children and only been married 2 1/2 years.

WH has been gone for 10 nights now. He has only seen kids on Sunday afternoon and on Monday night and I arranged these visits with him because I needed a sitter for a baby shower and a tennis match. Steve Harley told me to limit his interaction with the kids, though, so I guess I will wait to see if he contacts my sister about visiting them. He has always been such a wonderful father. I can't believe he isn't calling them more often and wanting to see them. This seems to be normal behavior though, on other BS's threads. Maybe the guilt keeps them away. It just makes me feel so much more abandoned.

The boys (6 yr old twins) had a friend spend the night last night. They slept in a tent on the living room floor. WH always puts the tent up and I am embarrassed to say that I couldn't figure it out so I called my sister who came over and helped me. I guess I'll have to learn how to become more independent. It hasn't rained here in so long, at least I won't have to learn how to mow the grass soon. My brother came over and took the trash off. My family is being so supportive. I haven't heard from WH's family in over a week.

My daughter spent the night with my parents last night. We had soccer games this morning (WH didn't come) and DD is playing at a friend's house this afternoon. I took the boys to the Grand Opening of a new Petland that is right beside WH's office. His truck was there, but I don't know if he was there, or if he only left his truck there. We bought some crickets to feed to their three lizards.

The kids and I are supposed to go out tonight with my parents to a restaurant (Joe's Crab Shack), but I wish I had not made plans. I feel kind of down. Even though I haven't really had my real husband here in 10 months, I still miss him. The children, especially DD, really miss him too. We are just telling them that Daddy is working alot so he is going to stay in town closer to work. But I guess it will make me feel better to go do something fun tonight.

I am on such an emotional roller coaster. I know that I did the right thing by asking WH to leave and it makes me feel like I am regaining my self-respect and confidence, but it is still so scary. My future has never been so uncertain.

I am counseling with Steve Harley. He said that if WH ends his affair that I am not to allow WH to move home until it is cleared by SH. He wants to make sure that I understand that I am not "safe" with WH right now. He will help WH with a plan to keep me safe when and if he returns home. I really don't understand how he can make me feel okay with letting him back in my life again. Does anyone have experience with counseling with SH and how he would have a plan to make me feel "safe"? I guess I will worry about that if and when WH ends contact.

Scared, but determined to stick to Plan B. Not too difficult since WH is acting like I dropped off the face of the earth. . .

Iwar,

I know exactlly how you feel. I started my planb aug. 28 but fell off the wagon so to speak 2 times.... But since Sept.8 I have been a true planb. It has been rough for me.

Some days good some bad.... It will get better, or at least thats what I keep getting told..

WH has not tried to contact me since Sept.7 Before that we had contact all the time. So I admit I am scared about it.

Lets keep our chins up and do what we have to do. We can make it .... Good Luck to you ....

The kids and I went with my parents and my brother out to eat last night. Then we went for ice cream.

We went to sunday school and church this morning. Only one person asked me where WH was. I guess word is getting around that we are separated.

We ate lunch at Burger King after church and walked over to Petland (again). My daughter has her eye on a parakeet. But we already have 2 dogs, 3 cats, 3 lizards and 2 turtles. Now that I am alone, I really do not need anymore animals. We saw WH's business partner at Petland. I asked if he thought WH is ok. He said that he doesn't seem ok, but he has not discussed situation with him in days. I asked him to continue to pray for us. I saw WH's truck at his office. I wonder why he left it there all weekend, but not my worries anymore, right?

My DD called WH on the way home. She told him all about our weekend. It is frustating that he knows everything I did, but I know nothing about what he did.

I have a tennis match Monday evening. I was hoping WH would be wanting to visit kids and I could get him to watch them, but he hasn't contacted sister (intermediary). Do you think I should have her call him or just get a sitter? Steve Harley told me to limit his interactions with the children, but I don't remember if he explained why. It seems that WH having to take care of children would make reality invade the affair illusion bubble he and OW are living. Any thoughts on this??

It is very warm today, so kids and I are headed to pool. Probably one of the last times before next summer.

Iwar,

U R working with Steve and that is great. What is even better is to see you implement Steve's instructions.

Yes, Steve is right on track. If you work with him, it will save you a lot of the heartache you read on other's threads. A stubborn BS or one not ready to let go, often makes it worse for themselves and others before it gets better.

Steve is helping you put your mind and heart in sync then take decisive action. Your results will be quicker than most.

Keep up the good work. I applaud your efforts. In time, when you are ready and able to help others, your experience w/b valuable to them. Right now though, keep taking care of your children and all 'dem critters'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Iwar, good job at Plan B.

Orchid's right of course, you are setting yourself up to have quicker results than most.

You stay the course, stay sane, and enjoy the pool with those dear kiddies!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Iwar,

You do seem to be doing well, I hope I didn't sound too gruff on the other thread, about your question to Mel, it's just really easy to see something in someone else's thread that applies to you, and to run with it.

You seem to be doing quite well, better, I'll have to say than I did in Plan B, I am so glad that you are able to afford to speak with SH. That should help immensely.

I was unable to do a good plan B, and I am headed for divorce as far as I know. My H and I are currently living together, but he has retained a lawyer, and things are looking pretty grim. I plan to re-implement a sort of last ditch effort at Plan B in the near future, but my financial resources are limited, so I have to rely on whether a friend of mine will be able to help me out by letting me move in with her.

I wish you the best of luck hon,

-Caren

Thank you all for responding. This is such a scary thing. It's hard to know the right way to handle it all.

Well, I took the kids to mom's pool yesterday and we ate dinner at their house last night.

I took the kids to school today and then my sister and I went walking. I have been doing laundry and swept and cleaned the garage a little. My father came over and replaced the light bulbs on my back porch. The one bulb that was working blew last night and I don't like not being able to turn on the back porch lights, especially since I am here by myself now. He accidently dropped one of the globes and it broke so I will have to buy another globe.

My father is so sweet. He told me how proud he is of me and that I should not feel that any of this is my fault. He also said that he doesn't think WH is coming home. But he doesn't really understand this affair stuff. Anyway, after he left I lost it and cried for a while.

My friend called me and asked me to tape Oprah show for her today. She said Jennifer Anniston will be on. I wonder if she will discuss Brad's alleged affair.

I will go to play tennis tonight. I play USTA team tennis league. Any other tennis players out there? I also play ALTA which is a league here in the Atlanta and surrounding areas.

Gotta go. The kids just got off the bus.

I know that my Plan B is boring, but I would appreciate any discussion/feedback.

I was possibly the world's worst tennis player ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have years of ballet training, and when I tried to play tennis I kept leaving the ground like in a leap .... instead of bending my knees and lowering my center of gravity so I'd be ready for quick movements in any dirrection .... I made for a most graceful worst-case tennis player LOL

YOU are doing just grand ... hang in there

You may imagine that things in adultery-land are all roses and happiness, but I assure you, that is not the case. Can you imagine how a father's pride sinks to the bottom of the ocean ~knowing~ he is treating his wife and his offspring like trash ... disposable and recyclable ... he's hurting too my dear ... but his hurt is due to his own cruelty .... he cannot like himself nor respect himself at all right now

the "soulmates" *gag* will be LBing back and forth because they made a very VERY UNequal sacrifice to be together ... VERY UNEQUAL ! This breeds resentments and unreasonable expectations such as:

"I gave up everything to be here ... YOU better be worth it."

Keep your chin up ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Pep,

Thank you so much for your post. I so hope you are right about adultery-land.

Someone told me on another thread that after he got the Plan B letter that he would start pushing and want to try to talk to me. But he hasn't. Is that normal?

I have been playing tennis for about 11 years now. I remember how it helped so much when WH and I were trying to have children. We went through 4 years of infertility and tennis helped take my mind off of everything then. It hasn't really helped take my mind off of the affair so far, but hopefully as my nerves begin to calm, it will help.

WH kept the kids for me tonight while I played tennis. He told me that he was ending it with OW and wants to come home. I asked have you ended it with OW and he said he told her that he belongs with his family, but he had not ended it permanently yet. I told him he needed to end it in a way that was permanent and complete and he needs to schedule an appointment with SH. He asked if he could come home and sleep on the couch. But, I told him no. (SH had told me to not let WH move home until SH gave the OK.) I also told him he needed to schedule STD test.

What do you think? He has promised NC so many times that I don't believe anything he says. I told him that we need to take it slow and let SH guide us through the recovery.

I need to call SH. I think I go back to Plan B now and leave it up to WH to meet conditions, right?

Please, I need advice. I probably will not be able to talk to SH tomorrow. I don't want to make a wrong step now. Please help!!

Stick by your guns and expect the WS to threaten NOT to come home. When he does, say see....that's why I can't let you back.... the WS is too wishy washy. Don't let his threats (if there are any), intimidate you.

He needs to show more than words. After all with the A, it was more than words, right?

L.

bumped for more comments/suggestions...

What kind of actions do I require from him?? I don't want another false recovery.

ask HIM:

"Are you willing and ready ~right now today~ to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make this right?"

See if he squirms....

You don't have to have all the requirements ready at the get-go of recovery .... it's OK to make adjustments along the way as you see fit and as SH advises you.

Be sure to clarify "these are my starting requirements...."

NC
therapy
accountability
Tell you H he must educate himself on certain MB concepts and commit to them such as:

POJA
Radical Honesty
15 hours a week of time together


and don't forget STD testing


anything beyond this start up plan feel free to fine tune ... OK?

Remember ~his attitude~ about this should matter .... he should be more than willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.....

words .... are just words

actions show his committment

Well, I did not hear from WH today. I wonder if he really broke it off with OW like he said he would.

I took the kids to school today and my sister and I went walking. Then they called from school to say one of the twins (kindergarten) is sick, so I went to get him. Nothing major, just a cold. I should have made him stay at school. He has been extra clingy lately. I wonder if it is because he hardly sees WH anymore.

My tennis team had a baby shower for one of our teammates at a restaurant for lunch. Then I went shopping and picked up some groceries.

After dinner, we went to my parents' pool. We live in Georgia and it has been really warm here.

I have an appointment with SH tomorrow morning. I guess we will talk about the procedure for reconciling if WH can convince me that he has really ended it with OW. I haven't talked to OWH. Should I tell him that my WH is talking of ending the affair? Maybe I should wait until it's done.

Just another "exciting" day in Plan B.

Plan B update:

I talked to SH this morning. He mainly just told me to focus on the kids, stay as strong as possible. It is all about protecting yourself in Plan B. He told me that WH needs to have a session with SH if/after he ends affair before WH and I discuss any reconciliation.

Later, my mom and I visited my grandmother at the nursing home. We then went to the cell phone store to get my mom a new phone because she dropped hers in the pool last week. We met my sister for lunch and picked up a few things at K-Mart.

I got a very sweet card from a friend. I told her last week that WH and I are separated.

The kids and I went to family night supper at church tonight. The kids went to music and missions and I went to adult bible study.

Anyway, I did not hear from WH today. My DD called him on the way home from church tonight. I heard him tell her that he would try to come to soccer games on Saturday.

I felt a little depressed today, but stayed busy and tried not to dwell on everything so much. My mom and I talked a little about it this afternoon in the car on the way home. She feels very betrayed by WH too, as does my entire family. It's sad that WH doesn't realize how he has lost the faith and confidence of my entire family. Hopefully he will come out of fog soon.

I played tennis this morning. I play on a Thursday morning team tennis league. While I was waiting for my turn to go on the court, guess who called. The OW!!!

She called to tell me how sorry she was, that she never meant to hurt me, that none of this was intentional. We talked for about 15 minutes. I stayed very calm, but she was crying really hard. I said why did you call me? She said to apologize. I said have you ended your affair with my husband? She said not exactly. I said why don't you save your apology for after the affair has ended and then I will consider accepting it, fair enough? She said Yes and I said goodbye then. Amazing that she would apologize to me while she is continuing to stab me. I know I shouldn't have even taken her call, but I have only talked to her twice since d-day and was really curious about why she would call. Later I remembered that I sent a copy of the Plan B Letter to her. I wonder if that is what triggered the phone call? I wanted to call WH but I controlled myself. I remembered that SH told me yesterday that any contact with WH "diluted" the effects of Plan B.

Anyway, I won my match!!! My sister and I played doubles together. It was a very good, fun match.

Afterwards I dropped my sister at the mall while I took my car to have oil changed. Stopped by store for a few groceries and came home.

My mother kept the children tonight while I met two friends at a mexican restaurant for dinner. It was a fun evening, but my friends are really puzzled as to why I would even consider taking WH back after all he has done. I'm kind of puzzled myself.

I would love to get some feedback/comments on this thread. I feel so abandoned by my WH but am trying to keep busy. I could really use some support.

Thanks.

Played tennis at the club this morning and ate lunch with my sister there afterwards. Went to Lowe's for new light globes for back porch and light bulbs.

DS had friend come home from school with her. All 3 kids had soccer practice tonight. Afterwards we ate dinner at Taco Bell. The kids are watching Shark Tale now.

I found out that the kids are out of school next Monday and Tuesday due to governor of Georgia asking school systems to cancel due to gas shortage.

DS called WH from cell phone tonight. He told her that he would be at soccer games tomorrow. Any ideas about how I am to react since I am in Plan B??