Sounds like you are doing very, very well. Just keep it up. Don't worry about how WH will come back. Leave it up to Steve - he is an expert at this. Be sure to follow his advice.

Iwar:

I caught up with your story this morning and want to offer a few thoughts/suggestions.

My FWH had a LTA with a much younger woman and I have learned a lot during our 2 year Recovery which you may find to be helpful.

Plus, I also had counseling with Steve H. What Steve means about safety for you is that he has a PLAN for how your WH needs to reveal information about the A to you during Recovery. Steve sees BSes as suffering from Posttraumatic Stress and as having special needs during Early Recovery. My FWH didn't follow Steve's Plan. We struggled during early Recovery..more about that later....

In regards to the OW, DO NOT TALK TO HER AGAIN...She is calling you to get info to use against you at this point. Probably because your PLAN B is working,, She thought that your WH would commit to her by now and he is not doing that...He is wanting to come back to you..She knows that and is struggling to develop her own PLAN and wants YOUR HELP.. She wants to learn from you, she wants to be you... YUCK.. She will do anything to take/keep your H..SHE IS AN ENEMY OF YOURS..Do not let her fool you...

Sure she is young, immature and is being used by him..However, she must be seen as an enemy with whom you are engaged in battle..

Steve counseled me in the same way as you..Keep it Simple with your WH...tell him what he needs to do to come back home. GET RID OF THE OW...

Most importantly, to give you consolation, the main thing that the PWY ("pretty young thing") has is her youth.. The feeling that your WH is getting from being with her..he is reliving his teenhood. On the other hand, she has absolutely NO CLUE about the important, essential matters of life..She can't help him progress in his life. He knows he has NO FUTURE with her. He is trying to make this work because IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HIM..just like crack cocaine.. HOWEVER, IT IS CERTAINLY FAILING...

My goodness, I have a 19 and 23 year old sons.. I know that age group....Your WH cannot relate to her. They do not know what life is like without cellphones and computers...He cannot talk with her about any aspects of history....

Feel confident that this A will not last if you do not enable it! Make sure NOT TO MEET ANY OF HIS NEEDS...Because he is feeling needy right now. That WOMAN CHILD is FAILING MISERABLY.....

Believer and Mimi,

Thank you for posting. It really means alot to me.

Mimi, I would like to hear more about how you struggled during early recovery because your FWH did not follow Steve's advice.

One of my conditions for reconciliation is that we have Steve counsel us and that we follow his advice very closely. I guess there is no guarantee that WH will follow his advice just like there is not guarantee that NC with OW will stick.

I feel so much more calm in a way now without him around. I am so scared to take him back even though I do want our marriage to survive this. I just feel confused I guess. And I know WH feels even more confused than I do.

Thanks for posting. . .

More about Steve H. later...

I thought about this while I was in the shower.. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT....

If you happen to have contact with your WH, it will be important in your brief conversation to WARN HIM about PWT's probable PLAN to get PREGNANT...

That would be a lifelong hold on him that she would have..this is the lifelong and sacred emotional link between you and him that she strongly envies..

Someone on MB warned be about this and I am forever grateful..this turned out to be the last straw between my H and the OW...

He tells me how she would cry about not having his children.. how jealous she was that he was in the D room with me... YUCK.. At first, he felt sad for her.. Now he sees how she was manipulating him and in the last stages of his A she became demanding about this...LBing big time...

Plus, the OW was probably wanting you to say in your conversation with her that you are moving on and do not love him...You said just what she DID NOT WANT TO HEAR....

Let's wait to your Recovery to talk about how to deal with Recovery..

You have a ways to go...

My earliest priority at your stage in the game was for him to agree to getting rid of the OW..NC with her for life... I made the choice to focus on that in my conversations with him...after he began to work on the concept of getting rid of her, I then talked to him about Steve...and he did talk to Steve once or twice after coming home..so we did have some further counseling...

Update:

On Saturday DD's soccer game was 9 a.m. WH called me before the game to make sure that it was OK for him to come. On the phone he asked me again if he could come home and sleep on the couch after he ends it with OW. I told him no that we leave the timing for his move back home up to the professionals (SH). And only after he ends it with OW. At the game he tears up several times when he looks at kids. I don't understand if he is so miserable and missing his family why it is so hard to end it with her. Anyway, WH leaves for tennis match and does not make it back for the twins' soccer game at 11 a.m.

Later I take one of the twins to a birthday party. (My mother keeps the other two kids.) It was strange taking the one twin without the other. This is the first year (Kdgn.) that they have been in different classes so they have different school buddies.

Then the children and I went to the Fall Tennis Festival at the club. We really had fun. Played in round robin tournament. They had games for the kids. There was a buffet and drinks. Had a couple of exhibition matches between the pros. The announcer was a golf pro who barely knew how to keep score and he was such a comedian. We were in stitches. Then I won one of the charity raffles - 5 hour-long tennis lessons!!! Very nice prize that I will enjoy and need.

Today we went to Sunday School and church. The pastor and a group from our church just returned from Mississippi. He had a slide show and interesting stories about their trip.

WH picked up the kids from church and took them to the Atlanta Braves game. He asked if I wanted to go also. I told him that I would not go since he is still with OW. (I really wanted to go, but remembered I am in Plan B.)

He said that he misses us so much and knows that he wants his family back really bad. I told him that he knows he has to get rid of OW first. I am really getting tired of having the same conversation with him over and over. I'm thinking maybe he is just saying this so that I won't give up hope and he is just still stringing us both along. I'm going to do better about not talking to him at all. It's just too upsetting.

I go to grocery store and come home. Do laundry, housework, balance checkbook, pay bills. I finished a movie that I started earlier this week, "Raising Helen". Cute movie.

WH calls me when they return. I tell him to bring kids to a restaurant at 7 p.m. My mom, dad, brother, sister and niece met me and the kids there for dinner. WH and I barely speak when he drops kids off. They said they went to pet store and hung out at WH's office after the game.

DD is spending the night at my sister's tonight. DD(8) and my niece (7) are very close. I will miss DD. She has been sleeping with me almost every night since WH left.

The kids are out of school Monday and Tuesday because the governor of Georgia asked schools to close to save fuel.

Still just staying busy. I really missed the kids this afternoon though. It will be hard if we go to a visitation schedule where WH has them every other weekend. I will miss them so much!

Gotta go watch Desperate Housewives. I know, I know, it is trashy but I kinda got hooked on it last season.

Thank you for any suggestions or comments.

Mimi, how much younger was OW than your FWH? My husband is 44. OW just turned 21 in July. It does seem ridiculous to me that they would have anything in common. He says that she is very mature and most people guess her to be in late 20's. But I knew her before the A and I was never very impressed with her. She actually kept the kids for us several times. OWH told me that she dropped out of high school and has a GED. (I have a bachelor's degree in accounting.)

Mimi, to respond to your question about OW becoming pregnant. My husband and I struggled with infertility for 4 years before having our children through IVF. He had a low sperm count. But, just to be safe, my husband had a vasectomy after twins were born. So, hopefully, pregnancy won't be an issue. Thanks for your comments.

In doesn't sound like you are in PLAN B given all of the contact that you are having with your WH...

PLAN B calls for TOTAL DARKNESS...absolutely NC with him...

FOW in my case was 17 years younger..same scenario as you..she has no college..I have a degree past the Bachelor's level....just a justification that he is using he stating that she is mature..NO WAY...

WH called me this morning. I know I wasn't supposed to answer the phone, but I did.

He said that he and OW had discussion last night and decided to end their affair. He did spend the night at her apt. and had last contact with her this morning. He says they did not have SF last night, but I still think it was insulting to me that he spent the night there. But I guess this whole situation has been insulting to me.

He had already scheduled appt. with SH for 8:00 a.m. (est) tomorrow morning. He also has doctor's appt. for STD test.

I believe that he really has ended it, but I believe that he really ended it at least 4 other times since Jan. 10. Will this time stick? Maybe with help from SH we might have a chance. I just don't know.

WH came over tonight to watch the kids for me. I asked him if he had stuck to no contact and he said yes. We argued a little about the way he ended it with her because he wound up staying the night. Why couldn't he just have ended it and left? I just have so much hurt, anger, resentment built up, I feel that I can't have a rational conversation with him about this. I think maybe we need a "cooling off" separation period before we even discuss reconciliation. WH has appointment with SH tomorrow morning. Maybe that will help.

I just got home. He and DD are asleep upstairs in our bed. I should wake him and tell him to leave or sleep on the couch. I guess I will just sleep in DD's bed for tonight. I can't stand the thought of sleeping in the same bed with him when he slept in her bed last night. SH made me promise him that I would not let WH come back home without his approval. And WH has not really proven or convinced me of anything yet.

lwar, I would just point out that talk is damn cheap with a WS. I wouldn't let him back without some PROOF and without clearance from SH. Heck, he just spent the night with the OW last night!