She has decided to go ahead and take the job and plans to fight for custody of OC. Until then OC will be living with us.

Under the guidelines if she will be making as much money as she claims will have to pay approx. $1400 and some change. She has offered to pay all the transportation costs to visit OC. I guess because of that she feels she should not have to pay any. H offered her 2 options.

1) Transportation costs split 50/50 and she pays full guideline child support.

2) She pays 100% of the transportation costs and pays $1100 a month in child support.

She will also need to pay for 50% of daycare and unreinbursed medical.

For the most part I think they got a vistation agreement hammered out. This is the main sticking point. She is insane if she thinks we will let her out of her obligation to pay child support. Under the guidelines if she is telling the truth about her income she is making a lot more than H so she should be paying for like 70% of daycare and unreinbursed medical. We are not even asking for that.....yet. We're holding on to that as a bargaining chip. I will let you know how things turn out.

Wow, that's interesting. Thanks for sharing and best wishes!!

J

Wow, there's a switch situation for a change. Bet she didn't plan on that when she decided to have OC. If H's got custody of OC's and OW had to pay some CS I wonder how many OC's there would actually be in the world. Maybe if OW put themselves in MM's postition once in a while, they could understand a little more how it feels.

Oh that is rich! Keep us posted.

I second that.

Well she is still being unreasonable. Still thinks she should not have to pay child support. Here is an e-mail she sent.

"I will pay my 50% share of daycare and any medical bills. I will also pay for the airline tickets. That alone is a lot money. I think you are taking advantage of this whole thing and are being very greedy. You and Liz must be over the moon. I bet you are loving every moment putting the screws to me."

What a moron.

OMG, mr kettle, please meet mr pot. lizbeth i absolutely love this. please do keep us posted.

Lizbeth,

I think that you and your H should stick to the guidelines/law and do it the right way. That way, there won't be any problems with the way it was handled. Are you still in 100% agreement with your H about how this custody has turned out? How are things with your M going? Just remember that your M is THE most important thing, and if that begins to fall apart again, this custody battle will just make it that much harder. Keep that M strong as a united front and you can get through anything!

tigger,

Our marriage is stronger than ever and I want OC to live with us even if that means a long drawn out custody battle.

Here is an e-mail she sent today.

"I am going to be in town next Friday and I want xxx for the weekend. Have you given any more thought to my last e-mail?"

H's respose,

OW,

XXXXX is going to a b-day party next Saturday. You need to make sure he is there because we accepted the invite. As far as the child support goes I gave you 2 options. You have until September 30th to decide. If not everything will be done by the book.

OW's response,

You have some nerve giving me a deadline. I was right when I said you were getting a thrill out of calling the shots like this. How about I pay $200 a month in child support and all the transportation costs. I have one income while you and Liz have two incomes. Considering the car she drives and clothes she wears I bet she makes more than both of us put together. You are being greedy."

H did not respond. She knows where we stand.

Your H pays OW $63 a month for CS, but he expects her to pay him monthly CS of $1100-$1400 plus travel costs? Do they have incomes in the same range or does OW make more money than your H? It seems a little peculiar that your H pays so little, yet OW would have to pay such a large amount. So does OC's needs cost $63 a month or $1,400 a month? I think $1,400 is a very fair amount for CS; I think the OC deserves that support. However, why is it okay for OW give that support, but not your H? It seems that generally BW's don't want H's to pay out $1,400 for an OC, but you're gladly taking (almost demanding) $1,400 for OC.

Another thing I've noticed here is that most BW's follow the philosophy that if the OW wanted OC, she should take all responsibility, including finances; otherwise what she is doing is taking money from the COM and the M couple. If your H wants OC, then why isn't he being 100% financially responsible as BW's expect OW's to be?

When the CS was calculated H made slightly more than xOW and combined with his 50% time share his CS was low.

Now xOW income has gone up drastically (if she is telling the truth) and will have OC approx. 20% of the time because she has chosen to move 1000 miles away. Thus the reason her CS payment is high.

H has always paid his share for OC.

I sure would be! While recognizing both parties are responsible, if the OW wasn't "screwing around" with your husband in the first place, CS wouldn't even be an issue! Sucks to have consequences in life!

[color:"purple"] liz,
Our xOW is also doing things to get out of paying CS.

We have had custody of Lil Bit for nearly 2 years now and xOW hasn't paid one red cent in cs.
She was unemployed when custody changed. There was no cs order in place before, because the custody was so close to 50/50.
Now that she has a job, she has to help to support her daughter. She has avoided court over this.
We go back to in about 3 wks.

I agree with Tigger. Don't negotiate with her. Keep it as the legal guidelines in your state. She can whine and cry about being "screwed" but its the way the system was set up... and she will be legally required to follow the guidelines.

Good Luck liz,
Stacia [/color]

Stacia,

If xOW does not sign the document H's lawyer has drawn up he will go strictly by the guidelines. I am kind of curious how were you able to get full custody? Was the xOW unfit?

DO THIS ALL LEGALLY. This one is a nutjob (imagine that). I would have this all done 100% legal. That way she can't come back at you.

ALWAYS ALWAYS DO IT LEGALLY. That is how we saved thousands over the years!!!

Yes we are going to do this legally. We had to have contact with her yesterday and she wants to postpone the whole child support issue until she is settled. She was also spouting off at the mouth how we have ruined her life.

H's lawyer is filing the papers first thing Monday morning. The whole process should not take long after the court get's xOW's and H's fiancial records. It will be a matter of plugging in numbers and letting the CS calculator do the rest.