Cinny,
I would like to echo AskMe on this. You absolutely did the right thing by seeking help. I believe that God led you to seek help. There is no way you could continue to fight for your M without addressing this issue. Just assure Chris that this is not an excuse to not work on the M. Assure him that you had to do this to help repair it. Dealing with the depression is just another part of the true healing that you seek.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. And as for Chris, he obviously doesnt understand. But it might be a little unreasonable to expect him to understand. Dont hammer him with it. Just show him, as you have been doing, that your #1 desire is to repair the relationship. Dealing with the depression is part of you making yourself into the type of faithful, loving spouse that he deserves. Over time, I believe that he will see that you are doing this for him as much as you are yourself.
I will keep both of you in my prayers.

My H told me last night that he thinks depression is simply mind over matter and that there is no need for any medication.

The way he is seems to be dealing with this and treating this is so upsetting and continues to make me feel worse. I simply don't know what to do.

I wish everything were as simple as mind over matter. If it were then cancer could be cured, colds would be a thing of the past, and every other illness that requires medication would vanish. Depression is an imbalance of seratonin, a brain chemical. It can become unbalance due to high stress and other traumatic emotional issues. It's a physical condition that needs to be treated and people are ignorant, and I'm sorry to call your husband ignorant, but it's ignorant of him to think mind over matter solves a physical problem. Especially when it's the mind that is having the issue.

Cinny you should see the doctor and treat your condition as prescribed. Once you start treatment you will be able to think clearer and work through these problems.

I saw the doctor earlier this week and he put me on some medication. He asked that I try it for two weeks and then come back so that he can assess whether or not it is working for me. I perosnally agree, and I have a close friend who is also going through depression right now after some sexual abuse from an ex-boyfriend. It helps being able to talk to someone who truly understands. But I can't just tell my H that he and I can't talk about because he is being ignorant.

I am not quite sure how to approach him. I know it needs to be in a gentle way. And for some reason, I am feeling really frustrated right now that, although I am the one who is going through the depression, I am also the one that needs to cater to his every need. Last night, he came over for dinner. I had worked a full day and had two meetings. He had ran some errands and felt tired. So I ran to the store to get food. I made dinner. I took care of him and made sure he felt okay. I did the dishes. Here I am trying to prove to him that this diagnosis will not affect my resolve to work hard on repairing this relationship. A little something in return might be nice from him, but I don't know how to ask.

And no, you shouldn't tell him he is ignorant. I was only feeling your frustration and triggered by a similar conversations I have had in the past with other people who don't understand depression. It's just like Tom Cruise saying Brooke Shields didn't need anything for post partume depression. He does not know what he is talking about.

Have you thought about asking him to go to the psychiatrist with you and letting the psychiatrist explain the depression to him? You could ask your husband to meet you there and say you could really use his support.

Cinny, I too am glad you went to the doctor. AD's are probably the right thing right now, and I hope they help. I'm sure they will. Depression is chemical, and real, and even very natural under your circumstances. TONS of people are on AD's, just because this might be a foreign concept to your H doesn't mean it isn't true. Are they helping yet?

MSA/NTL

I have only been on AD's since Tuesday night and I really haven't seen much of a change just yet. I know these things take a little time though.

I am also seeing a counselor. I can't seem to get my H to go so I am not quite sure how he would feel about going to the psychiatrist with me. But I guess it is worth a shot.

On my way to the MC now for some IC.

If the doctor gave you any of the SSRI ADs such as Lexapro, Celexa, Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil it will take about 3-4 weeks before you start to feel the full effects. It takes a little time for the brain to start to build the chemical reserves back up and the drugs to stabilize in the body.

Hang in there in Cinny, I'm praying for you and your husband.

I am actually on something called Lamictal.

Interesting though that medications take 3-4 weeks to really take effect, and yet he had me make an appointment for two weeks after my first appointment.

I am feeling pretty low right now, and I know it is only going to get worse next week. My H is going out of town for Thanksgiving. My family hasn't spoken to me in two weeks so naturally I won't be spending it with them.

Thanksgiving is such a family holiday and I have no family to spend it with.

Hi, cinny.

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I am actually on something called Lamictal.
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Lamictal is a very effective medication, but it reacts with virtually everything. Please be sure that you follow your doctors titration directions to the letter, and that you report any side effects.

I highly recommend that you peruse the manufacturers website regarding the medication, and google for other sites with information as well. As I said, it is a highly effective medication, but it is a medication that you will really want to understand well.

All the best,
Gimble

Gimble,

I looked at the website some and all I really seemed to come across was that if I developed a rash that I needed to notify my doctor, which he already told me. Is there anything else that you know that I should know?

Hi, Cinny.

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Is there anything else that you know that I should know?
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Just make sure that you understand how reactive the medication is. Your period can effect it, birth control pills can, many other meds can affect how well it works.

My concern was just that you would get a good grip on the variability of the drug so that you can understand what is happening if it suddenly becomes less effective for you. This link provides a really good, down to earth, layman's explanation of the drug and its eccentricities.

http://www.crazymeds.org/lamictal.html

And no, I don't think you are crazy, I just think the site is good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The crazymeds site offers some unique advice that you cannot find on other websites. Another good website for information is http://www.remedyfind.com/rem.asp?id=99 where they post other peoples comments about how they responded on the medication. I use it for research and you have to remember they are people dealing with problems so their opinions will vary. What I always look for is something similar to my situation and read what the person had to say about the medication.

Thanks for the websites. I checked them out. I have another appointment with my doctor this Tuesday to discuss how well I think the medication has helped. I have noticed a difference.

There was one day that I ran out of the house without taking my medication. About midway through the day, I was feeling really down ... more so than I had since I started taking the medication, and I couldn't figure out why. When I finally realized I hadn't taken anything that morning, it all made sense. It is starting to help some.

If you notice a negative difference when you don't take the medication that is a good indication the medicine is having a positive effect. You can become really aware of your meds once you get use to them. Sometimes its good to keep a journal so you can trace back to see the effect of how the medicine is working. Hope things continue to improve for you. Keeping you in my prayers.

I like the idea of keeping a journal. Thanks for the idea. And thank you for the prayers as well.

I meant to tell you that you can always take your journal with you to the doctor and use it to refresh your memory about what days were good or bad. You may want to make notes about how you are physically doing, any side effects you notice. Being a woman you want to note how your emotions are matching up during the monthly cycle since hormones can affect medication. And you might want to note any illnesses or external stresses. Sleep paterns, like falling asleep fast or not at all are good things to note. All of these are key things for the doctor to know in order to treat you properly.

Cinny,
are you still out there? How are things going?

MSA