This is an update I have posted two previous times and thought I would start a new one because of new developments!!!

Today my son and I went to a football game and had a blast the game was over about 7:oo pm. Sounds great until we got back to our home town!! We exited and was sitting at a red light when WS drives up next to us! She was the passenger her boyfriend was driving. I did not react because the kids were in the car and I did not signal my WS that we were sitting next to them. Too protect the kids from see them. We proceeded home and I put the kids to bed.. I then went outside and called her. Of course she did not answer!! So I left her a message to just call me. It is about 10:00 pm now. She calls back to arrange the transfer of the kids tomorrow (50/50 custody in separation). Their was a lot of noise so I asked where she was? She told me “out to eat”! So I asked if it was just the two of them and their was a long PAUSE. Then she said it does not matter it would not affect the out come. She also made the comment that it did not matter if the kids say them or not. they would have to accept it sooner then later. Note - I did tell her tonight that "she got what she wanted a separation/Divorce" She said that she did not want of course I forced her to it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I have sent her the Plan B letter and I have not spoken to her or seen her in over two weeks except for tonight!!

Did I screw up by calling her and confronting her?? I still care but I want out!!!

Suggestions

You broke plan B.

Things happen. Don't respond. And Yeah, you messed up. Plan B is what it is.

You are 7 months into this? You must be much more tolerant than I was. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

And by the way, has anyone told you that you are WORTHY, and a GOOD dad? Well, I'm saying it now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

JMVHO

Love in Christ,
Miss M

ps. Do not respond. If you do, say you are sorry. You must have mistaken W for WW.

And believe me, I know it hurts. Do NOT react. Step back and ask yourself what is healthy for you, kids, and marriage first. Then do the best you know how. Blessings. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well I went back into what I call lock down. The only communication is via Text mess or email. She called today and left a mess. in recorder too call she may not be able to pick the kids up tonight by 6:00 and wanted me to. I text her that I would pick them up and take son to Martial Arts and then she could pick them up at her parents after practice. My son and I both take lessons. She responded that she would meet me at Martial Arts practice to watch.

She will not "leave me alone" and she will not seek counseling ! Who do you respond being in Plan B

Correction that is how do I respond being in Plan B. My view is that I do not have any contact (which I did slip up over the weekend) but also show a secure LOVING safe place that she would want to come home for. I even tell her that I LVU at the end of my text messages by habit - IS this not recommended I plan B???

Ned direction

swade..

I sat on this one for a day...but I am drawn back to it..

the marriage builders part wants to say plan B ...no contact...

BUT there are times when children are at risk that it is a different plan...

She also made the comment that it did not matter if the kids say them or not. they would have to accept it sooner then later

these are the exact comments that you need to prepare to battle against.....

these are insidiously dangerous actions against your children...

children do not have to accept married parents boyfriends and girlfriends....
children are not resiliant which is what people that do bad things to children like to tote as their mantra

children are ABSORBANT and the lessons she stands to teach..
about replacable parents
acceptance of strangers
the demand that children should want their parents happiness

is a slippery slope to the destruction of core safe boundaries for children..

you should move towards legal full custody to protect your children..........

ARK

First off,
"I have sent her the Plan B letter and I have not spoken to her or seen her in over two weeks except for tonight!!"

and then

"Well I went back into what I call lock down. The only communication is via Text mess or email.
Which is it?
Contact only by email/text or no contact?

I even tell her that I LVU at the end of my text messages by habit - IS this not recommended I plan B???
So you are in constant contact with her and not doing a real Plan B?
Did you tell her no contact in your Plan B letter and you are going against what you told her?

You are 7 months into Plan B?

I agree with ark ("you should move towards legal full custody to protect your children").
At a minimum, contact an attorney about a court order which limits contact between om and his children and your children.

swade,

You are getting excellent advice from Chris and Ark. Get custody of your children ASAP.

Forget Swade's version of Plan B. Please reread the Plan B link found in Chris's sig line.

Let me clarify my typing and train of thoughts:

I have sent her the Plan B letter and I have not spoken to her or seen her in over two weeks except for tonight!!"

"Well I went back into what I call lock down. The only communication is via Text mess or email.
Which is it?

I had not talked to her AT ALL - the only form of Communication was via TEXT Phone mail. I broke Plan B on sat 9/17 @ 10:00 @ night after I had seen her out on a date and I actually tried to gain Info. for my case when this comes to Court. After that night I went back into "lock Down" - meaning only contact Via phone text Message and I am being very selective on the messages I reply to.

Note - She called to "talk" 13 times yesterday and left 5 messages on the answer machine. I did not respond to any of the attempts.

- also I have only been in Plan B for about 21/2 to 3 weeks now and I am 7 mths into our separation -

- I do have any attn. and right or wrong as previously mentioned it was a small part of why contact was made with WS.

I had not talked to her AT ALL - the only form of Communication was via TEXT Phone mail. I broke Plan B on sat 9/17 @ 10:00
Have you been texting her all this time?
If so, you are not/have not done Plan B.

It does not matter if contact is via phone, face to face, texting or email.
It is all contact and as long as you are in contact, you are not doing Plan B.

left 5 messages on the answer machine. I did not respond to any of the attempts.
And you listened to them. That is contact.

Sometimes contact does need to be made but it should be done only for extreme sitations.

Contact is contact.
If you read her emails or listen to her voicemails, that is contact.
If you send her emails/voicemails, that is contact.
If you reply to her, that is contact.
If she replies to you and you read/listen, that is contact.

Did you post a Plan B letter here for review before you sent it? I can't find it.
On 30 August, you posted, "I know the next step is plan B".
The next post after that is 17 Sep (this thread) and no Plan B letter shows up.