Mary

I hate the titles too. But more than anything I really don't like it when people take other peoples posting and take it somewheere, especially when they can't even defend themselves.

I even called on it when Entwife pulled this. Remember.

This lady is entitled to feel as she does. Hurt, without being ridculed. She may not like the idea of the OW and her children moving into the MIL house but she is entitled to not "like" it. Of course she recognize the situation for what it is....

Now be honest, if your xmm and his wife and their children needed your help...and moved in with you/or your family.. would you like that?? Would you open your arms to your xmm's wife? And I know how you love his wife? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Tryin is entitled feel as she does...and she has that right w/o made to feel that she is being selfish or evil...

Anyways... I guess some people are just that people...

For the life of me.. I wish I understood the human race better.

I gotta hit the sack..I'm exhausted... my oldest baby moved out on her own today...
One thing I did learn today; kids never grow up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> and it doesn't matter how old they are...

Goodnight
wiz

Thanks for your support wiz. I did respond on my post to the selfish comment. You basically said what I was feeling, but I may have responded a little more harshly. Thanks for understanding how difficult this is for me. I am trying to accept the situation, but it is hard. thanks again!

Geez Wiz I did not see this here this morning, and I emailed you girl! But here goes.....

First of all, I did not take that post over there, although I did reply to it. And if I would have come here and said something differently then what I said over there I would be called two-faced which I'm not.

She (Trying) is absolutly, positivly entitled to her feelings. We all are for that matter. And as I said, I could understand the hurt and confussion that she may feel over this, but she asked a speicif question and YES I do feel it was selfish. She is not God and can not walk on water and her feelings I'm sure are very normal....but under the cirucmstances I do think they were selfish. Again, she can't walk on water...(I'm working on it, but have quite gotten it yet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />) joking of course.

I honestly feel with this situation that she should have tried (which I think she has) to set her feelings aside and look at the big picture here. I also think that she has commpassion for her. I could hear it in her post. She stated the condition ow was in, and how she has probaly lost her entire family. In my eyes, the ow was extremely lucky to have the mil take her and her family in. There are so many still in shelters and we have all heard what is going on in the shelters. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />.

To answer your question yes I would. Would I like it NO, have not got that walking on water quite yet down. It was how I was raised. Would I want them there NO. Would I probaly stay in a different part of the house away from them........OH YEAH! It would probaly be one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I would be doing it out of guilt, and not kindness. Again, being honest here. And it would have to be a true disaster for me to even do something like this. Would they ever do it for me? OH NO! I believe they would rather see my daghter dead than help her out.

I think we all hate titles. However, it seems to me that whenever a bw does not bow down and do what is best for any ow/oc they are called selfish, or in denial, or any other derogotory term. THAT is a problem. Suddenly this poor wife is a nasty, mean, cruel and selfish and why is that? CAUSE SHE ISN'T PUTTING THE OW NEEDS ABOVE HER OWN. So who is being selfish?

This particular BW has tried to come to terms with the ow and her situation, but really, isn't the ow asking an awful lot? She participates in an affair that has hurt alot of people, including her own child, and now she is living with the XMM mother, and this ow doesn't think this is upsetting to the BW? And the WIFE is called selfish?

While I can sympathize with the disaster the ow has had to endure, that does not give her free reign to keep on participating in hurting another human.

Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't this ow drive to CA? How many NO people are in CA? Is she looking into the programs for displaced people like her? Or is she sitting back, enjoying the comforts of the family that she helped destroy not to long ago?

We have a NO family that has just moved to our area. They are ALREADY in their own place (which THEY FOUND) and are quite busy with the details of rebuilding their former lives. Their children are enrolled in the local school and they are resigned to the fact that they will probably be here for at least a year. Instead of living off the public dole, or using other people, they have stood up, and taken control over THEIR lives. The mother has a job, and the father is too. They are being quite proactive in their situation. Refusing to be victims and fighting to keep their family respect. The hurricane is over, in the past and reality is here. They have lost every posession and their house was destroyed. They have to deal with the red tape of this, and all the frustration that goes with it. Yet they are not hurting anyone else in the process.

The MIL in this instance may be right in reaching out to help, but she has also hurt others. That is rude and mean. How much is this wife supposed to take? Will she be seen as mean if she does not want to share Thanksgiving with this ow and her brood of children? Is it going to be the BW who is the selfish one when she does not want ow and her children at family events? Do people even realize that this wife has feelings? Or is she forever supposed to live her life in a manner which best suits the OW? That is wrong.

The ow chose to keep a child from an affair and chose to raise it on her own. Time she stands up and starts doing so. When this MIL realizes that her own family has turned their backs on her, will her pain also be the fault of the BW? At what point is this NOT the BW fault? When does the OW take her part of the blame? When does the husband? NONE OF THIS IS THE BW FAULT.

The affair is the fault of two selfish people. OW/MM
The invite to move ow in is fault of three. OW/MM/MIL

What is the fault of of BW????? NONE.

My Gosh you are so sinicle! I've never met anyone so mean in my life or very few that is for sure.

Who said anything about holidays? You take it all to the extreme Lynn. What on heart is your heart about? Let's talk selfish LYnn. All you see is YOU YOU YOU. I'm sure these people you've talked about had resourses or they would have never been able to get a house. Can you argue that? OR could it be that someone nice helped them out with that?

There are a lot of people out there that are proverty stricken that has too lost every little they even had!

Yes she drove to CA. As tryin said herself, she almost died from dyhradration. Apprently the Good Lord gave her the strenght to get there.

Your comments about me choosing who I prefer to help? Then tell me not to responde. I don't think so. You don't make lies of me and then tell me not to respond Lynn. You don't scare me. I have small kids at home. I like AD answer to you.........since an OW can never ever be trusted let me bring a MM with his family in and create more havic in some poor family's tragic situation. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />NO Lynn you make me laugh! You take things that people YOU DON'T like and twist and turn there words into everything they did not mean. You've done it since day one! My stbxh did not even want me to do that because of the kids, but I am anyway! To bad! But I'm not stupid and my kids still need to be thought of. So don't write me and tell me not to respond to you espeically when your making up stories and twisting things that have been said and just well being LynnG.

Oh and imho........you do love the titles or you would not be so quick to use, abuse them, judge them, and go after them.

Stop bashing the ow in this situation..........bash her husband..............he told the mil it was fine!

Also, I don't know that they have nc. If I understood right, they have contact with the oc. I'm sure you over looked that too though right?

*******************************edit************

Compassion for all here is in order.

The pain that many still live with even "years" after the betrayal is still very much evident here. For that, you can only be compassionate.

I say that you should kill em' with kindness.....

Just my unasked for .02. Carry on.

I expect this to be eventually deleted by the mods of the board, so I hope you read it while stays alive.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Amen Lemonman.

Missed it Lemonman............can you say it nicer so it won't be edited?

A Reminder.........

This is a Marriage Builders Support Forum.

S U P P O R T

SUPPORT

Lemonman:

I used to uphold kill them with kindness. I tried it for five years. Got me absolutely to the place I am today. Want to trade places with me? See my oc and exow living with inlaws post. Yuck!