For two weeks I have been back home with my F(?)WH. We have spent a lot of time together...basically all of our free time. He has yet to follow through on any of my terms that he agreed to when I moved back. He says I'm trying to rush things...let's enjoy our time together...when we have time, we'll do it, etc.

I'm getting really frustrated.

This morning I found condoms in his bathroom drawer. I did not buy them. I called him (he had to work this morning....early) while he was on his way to work to ask him about these. I know I should have waited until later...but I have trouble not dealing with things right away. He said he didn't buy them...that I did. I told him that I know I didn't buy them...So why are they there? He insisted he doesn't know where they are from...but they've been in there awhile.

It's quite possible that they have and I just happened upon them today. But still no real explanation?

And then ... while snooping through email... I see messages from female 'friends'...ones I know he chatted with while I was in plan B. One said 'I miss you...', etc. His cell records show no calls to questionable numbers, i.e. the 'chicks' he was chatting with. So I know that he's taking steps to stop his philandering behavior. But that still bothered me.

He told me this morning that he thinks that I'll never be happy with him...that he wants this marriage but I seem to want out...that he doesn't think I'll ever trust him. I reminded him that the trust hasn't been rebuilt yet...it takes time...he needs to take the steps to prove he's trustworthy, etc.

I've been LB'ing the last day or so...I don't know what to do. At this point I know I've fought as hard as I could for this marriage...but it's hard to walk away when he keeps saying that he doesn't want a divorce, that he wants us. Where are the actions?

Please help...I'm hurting so much and I don't know what to do.

newlywed ~

my husband behaved like this during our false recovery.

I had no proof, other than his really hurtful attitude, just a gut feeling things were not right.

I told Steve Harley, and Steve told me to get my Plan B letter ready.

I hung up the phone and prayed for insight, I asked God to show me the answer to my questions.

The next morning...a 15 minute voicemail appeared on my cell phone. My husband accidently hit a button his phone that called mine - while he was out on a date.

I'm telling you this because I remember the crazy feeling the battle btwn self-doubt and instincts. Trust your gut, something is not right.

And ask yourself this question ~ why is it that you have given him all the power to choose?

This is your life. You get to say whether you want HIM.

Actions speak louder than words. What do his actions say?

Thank you for your responses BR and AD.

My gut tells me that he loves me, wants me, but is not capable of 'fixing' things. Actually, I know he loves me...I can tell...but that alone doesn't take away the pain. He has always been a conflict avoider and never really forthcoming with his feelings. He's shown me compassion and affection at times when I'm hurting.

The other night I told him that I was hurting...I cried some. He was quiet...looked a little pained. I asked him what he was thinking (because he never offers this info.) and he said 'It's my fault you're hurting.'

He says he'll do the things to fix this...but I've yet to see any real progress...i.e. he's still dragging his feet about MC and filling out the EN and LB questionaires. We're two weeks into a 'recovery' (?)...is this normal?

He's spent all of his free time with me...the text messages and phone calls have stopped, email is pretty clean...so he's ended contact. He doesn't say ILY very much...but I think that is to be expected. I'm just worried about getting to a point where we are complacent about recovery....I'm NOT going through this again in the future!

By the way...In his defense, he has remained very calm (unlike while still in the A) when I get upset or ask questions or tell him that I don't think I can do this. I tell him sometimes that I think we should just get a divorce...because sometimes I don't think I can recover from this. I know I shouldn't say this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I want so badly to trust him again...but why isn't he trying to prove to me I can trust him?