What about the OM? Can you check and find out if he is really divorced? If you can get his number, try calling his house. Or do a background check on him. They are not that hard to do.

Did you tell your MIL about your W's affair and that this was what was leading to her desire for a D? If you have told her all this and she hasn't said anything to your W, I would tell her yourself. Let her know that people know about her affair.

smc, please get more agressive and proactive here. This is not going to be resolved unless you start taking some effective action and keep the pressure up on your W.

Thank you for the response.
My W has been going up to the job site, every couple weeks for a couple days each time.
There are no hotel charges on her corporate card. When she calls to talk to the kids, his name and number display on the caller id. This would leave me to beleive she is telling the truth about his D.
As for her mother, I told her everything.
I really did'nt expect her to do anything.
Her HR dept was concerned about the "Conflict of Interest" issue, they can't really do anything about the personal aspect.
She wants out of our marriage.
It seems like the more pressure I put on her, just justifies why she wants out in her eyes.
I am really not sure what other steps I can take.
At this point its been a little over 3 months since the A began. I am hoping the excitement has worn off, and maybe just maybe its getting to be more trouble than its worth.

Maybe I should ask:
Am I doing something wrong or am I going about this the wrong way?
I feel like I'm fighting like crazy but not making any headway.

I hope I did'nt offend by my last post.
I know by my W saying she wants out of the marriage, it could be the A talking. She's pretty set on getting her way right now. Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall sometimes, especially when it comes to the OM. She will absolutely not talk about him. If I tell her that this behavior will bring us to D, she says OK.
I have expressed my views, her response is how she never gets her way and that now she is doing something for herself.
I bring up the kids, her response is basically "they will get over it".
All of her responses are decribed on this forum.

You've been too nice, if anything, and taken too long to do the big exposure. Make sure to hit friends and extended family too, just don't be a jerk about it.

Consider explaining to her that when kids ask about why mom and dad aren't married anymore you'll have to explain to them that mommy liked to sleep with other men (when it is age-appropriate, of course!).

Kids NEVER get over it. Your WW is "in love" and couldn't give half a s*** about anyone but herself.

How come us nice guys are always getting the shaft? Maybe we should be jerks more often. I'll tell you smc, I still love my FWW very much but I don't trust her yet and a big part of the "nice guy" in me died during her little fling.

H*ll, she didn't even wake up until I told her I was hitting the road and she could explain why daddy wasn't home every day to play anymore. Talk about the s*** hitting the fan.

Sorry about the language, it's late and I'm fed up with this crap. Jesus, people have some problems in life and they start pulling their pants down and their peckers out....

Thanks for the post.
I may have been too nice, but I feel there is a fine line I am walking all the time.
She told me this morning she wants to start proceedings.
I asked what the rush was, she "wants to get this done".
I'm not sure but I don't think her work is letting her go to the site, at least for the time being. She would have normally gone to the site this week. Instead she is in the office.
Does this have anything to do with the "lets hurry" attitude? Maybe

Just found out my W has been suspended from travel through her work for the time being. The reason "They are afraid I will send more emails"
Basically they are afraid of being sued by the OM's company since I brought up the "Conflict of interest" issue.
Thats why she is not traveling. Is this good, I don't know.
I think its the reason why she wants to speed things along.

You reap what you sow...tell your WW that! Of course it's good she's not traveling! One consequence for her.

Do you really want her travelling anyway? You know what she does on her trips.

If she's going to serve papers you can't stop her, but do nothing to make it easy on her. Just be sure you defend yourself.

You're right it is good she is not traveling.
And that is probably why she is trying to hurry things.
I was looking at your previous post, I was thinking of the people that know about the A. Her friends, because she told them about her new guy.
I emailed her boss, her HR dept, his HR dept, I spoke with my close friends, my sensei, our daycare provider (to watch for any behavior changes in the kids), my parents, her parents, some of my co-workers.
I think the bases are pretty well covered. I really did'nt realize how many people know until I thought about it.
I'm fed up also, right now I'm just trying to keep things as normal for the kids as possible. I guess it is kind of a blessing they are so young (D2,D5) as they have'nt totally caught on to what is going on.
thank you for the response, hope things go well for you.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone
I wish you all the very best.

You also.

Hopefully a little family time with you and the children and a little withdrawl time from the OM will help bring her priorities back in order.

Happy Thanksgiving to you as well. How is the situation at home going?

Thank you
The situation is about the same.
She can be really stuborn, she's not budging an inch.
It seems to me she still has'nt made up her mind.
If she is so sure she does'nt want to be married to me then why does'nt she file?
I'm thinking because of the guilt.
Anyway have a wonderful Thanksgiving and thank you again.